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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:32
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Thanks people.
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:32
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It is easier to stick the eye of needle into a camel than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdoms of Heaven.
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:32
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Last edited by Kody on 14-01-2004 at 15:47
Last edited by Kody on 14-01-2004 at 10:50
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Drogue
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Omnipresent conscience
Oct 2002
time: 05:32
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quote:
Originally posted by GeneralTacticus
Drogue, do you have any scumble? In bottle form, preferably. |
Not that I know of, but given some details, I'm sure I could make some in about 20-30 minutes. I'm presuming it's something like scrumpy, an apple drink that's based on cider?
Last edited by Drogue on 12-01-2004 at 23:43
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Drogue
Not that I know of, but given some details, I'm sure I could make some in about 20-30 minutes. I'm presuming it's something like scrumpy, an apple drink that's based on cider? |
Uh... basically. It's made from apples... well, mostly apples.
Last edited by GeneralTacticus on 13-01-2004 at 04:46
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Kassiopeia
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Jyväskylä, Finland
Jul 2001
time: 07:32
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quote:
Uh... basically. It's made from apples... well, mostly apples. |
quote:
What has helped ugly people get laid for centuries, whilst traditionally being the greatest cause of insanity in a quarter of England? Yup- it's scrumpy.
This drink is often confused with cider, but not by anyone who's ever drunk the West Country's apple-based brain-scourer. The crucial differences follow-
1- If you can see through it, it isn't scrumpy.
2- It has to be strained through hay in the brewing process. This adds to the rustic flavours, and general cloudiness.
3- The pips of the apples have to be crushed in the presses, otherwise you miss out on all the fun of progressive mental deterioration caused by the toxic pip innards.
4- Rotting meat. Meat should be thrown into the kegs to add colour and flavour as it ferments. Traditionally this was by lobbing in any rats caught around the farm, but these days a raw pork or lamb chop is frequently used.
5- Scrumpy is never served by pump or tap. They'd clog up.
6- If it tastes vaguely of apples but you have to chew before swallowing then you're either drinking scrumpy or the contents of a spittoon in a scrumpy house. It's an easy mistake to make.
A dead giveaway is the "Ack!" factor. Unlike most alcoholic drinks, with scrumpy a point is reached where it becomes physically impossible to drink any more. This is because your mouth has dried out, a strange, sticky paste is sticking your tongue to your palate and gums, and your swallowing reflex no longer works. At that point, the phrase "Ack!" will be exclaimed by the stricken drinker, and the wise old men in the scrumpy house will nod sagely, yet sympathetically. They understand.
There is also the most famous attribute of scrumpy, which is that some people just cannot handle it at all. Bizarrely, it's usually hardened beer or spirits drinkers who are affected by this. Everyone has heard tales of how 12-pint a night beer monsters sink three pints of scrumpy and have to be taken home in a wheelbarrow. I've seen this happen, while light social drinkers carry on drinking regardless. Scrumpy is pretty strong, but it also has some kind of toxic kick that some livers just can't deal with, and it's usually the ones accustomed to shrugging off a couple of gallons of Guinness that keel over like the consumptive heroines of Victorian melodramas.
Scrumpy is not cider. It's more accurate to consider it to be the rural hick cousin of Absinthe- while it's made little contribution to the world of 19th century continental art and poetry, it's certainly caused its share of biochemical lobotomy. The best part of all this is that I've just collected my annual helping. It's strictly illegal, sold round the back of a barn in a washed-out plastic container that used to hold Castrol engine oil. It's so murky that it looks like the piss of one who's spent 20 years overdosing on anabolic steroids and is now shedding 100 pounds of muscle tissue in three weeks via his failing kidneys. Lovely stuff. Grab yourself one for Christmas! |
Courtesy of Lazarus and the Gimp's blog.
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10-01-2004 03:12
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