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MichaeltheGreat
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Apolyton Grand Executioner
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mooning the house that Ruth built.
Oct 1999
time: 21:33
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quote:
Originally posted by Ted Striker
You are right in that I need to put my stupid pride aside
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 One of the biggest reasons for relationships ****ing up is failure of one or both parties to try to understand things from the other's perspective as well as your own.
quote:
I hope she is even listening to my messages. I'm afraid that she might even be erasing them.
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All you can do is send them - the rest isn't in your control, but you can just keep trying. Sometimes (especially if she has an issue with guys blowing up), it just takes time and space. Don't keep up a barrage of messages, but if she doesn't respond soon, just occasionally, until you've decided you've had enough, or she responds.
You don't know how she took the whole thing, and until you really know just about everything about someone, there are lots of times emotional triggers that you can unintentionally set off.
quote:
I've told her what a moron I have been. Just a complete idiot. I need to let her know that I really am sorry for hurting her for not being understanding. I just hope she hears it.
My pride blew this whole thing.
Good lesson Sprayber. Humility.
That and don't be a dumbass like me.
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Fix the problem, not the blame. When **** happens in a relationship, apologies are nice, but changing whatever triggered the problem in the first place is better. You have to demonstrate that, rather than that you're one of those blow up now, sorry honey later types. Women do the same crap too, and the same thing applies - apology = barely ok, constructive change = good.
quote:
I am glad that your situation is working out. I hope mine does too but I've screwed it up so bad. I hope that this isn't a lesson relationship because I really do like her so much. |
All relationships are lesson relationships, even if they last a lifetime - especially if they last a lifetime. 
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:33
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Was this your first fight Ted?
If so, and she runs, then it's fixable, though as Shi suggested I would decide if she is worth the immaturity/insecurity. Yet, from how you talk about her I think I know the answer.
If this is not your first fight, she may just be tired of it (which is sad) and you. Thus, you got dumped.
I think the fact that she is rebounding of a bad relationship explains a lot. She probably saw something of him in you when you blew up. This would insight fear and her response. Therefor, you don't have a girl who is angry at you, you have a girl how is afraid of you. How do you fix that? Well, sending flowers and flooding her machine with messages is not the answer; that will just seem creepy. I think giving her a couple of weeks with no communication is a good start.
One thing you can do is go to anger management courses. Not that you need them, but this could serve as something better than flowers to her. Let her know you are going, and that while you don't think you have a problem that you don't want her out of your life, and you feel that is why she won't talk to you.
That may open a dialogue so that you can find out what is truely bothering her.
My two cents.
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JimmyCracksCorn
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Macedonia - Sovereign country north of Greece.
Dec 2002
time: 05:33
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Every couple has fights, just keep telling her you're sorry. This doesn't have to be the end, if you don't let it.
How long have you been going out? Because if its only been like 1 week, your chances probably aren't as good...
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asleepathewheel
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listening too long to one song
Mar 2002
time: 00:33
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quote:
Originally posted by Boris Godunov
I must admit this thread is somewhat of a relief. I find little more revolting IRL than a player, so it's good to see that's not what Ted is really like. |
Boris, don't hate the player, hate the game.
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Brundlefly
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United States
Nov 2001
time: 00:33
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quote:
Originally posted by Ted Striker
I took her for granted, and had to be a moron. I lost my cool instead of talking through the situation. I had such a big head that I thought I was the Man but look where it got me. Nowhere.
I've sent flowers. I've left messages profusley apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I said all I can to say. Anymore and I will chase her into the Pacific Ocean. I'm sorry but it's not going to be enough. The damage is done. I screwed it up.
So for all you players in training, don't follow my example. Don't get such a big head that you think you are so awesome that you deserve to be put on some kind of pedastal. 
Just remember:
1) be kind
2) be patient
3) be understanding
4) never lose your temper. ever
5) don't take someone for granted
Ted Striker, banned from the Players Club |
Look, you are not perfect - no one is. Everyone says things they don't mean sometimes. People lose their cool. A simple apology explaining that a misunderstanding occurred should be all that's required of you unless this was a major meltdown that embarrassed her or scarred her. And if that is the case, then chalk it up to experience and move forward with your life. There are hundreds of other girls that want your attention right now. At school. At work. At the cafe. The bookstore. School. Go get them.
I think you did yourself a disservice with the excessive apologies, flowers, etc. In effect you are saying to her, "Look I want you back so bad that you can have control of the relationship now." Don't ever put a woman in that position. It makes them uncomfortable. They want the man to be in control. Once a girl realizes that she has something with which to manipulate you, she loses respect for you.
What is the chance that she may not have been overly upset with the situation but she wanted to act upset to test you to see if you would grovel? Women make up tests all the time to judge our resolve.
I disagree with a few things that you've said, generally speaking:
1) "Don't put yourself on a pedestal" - I think you should treat a girl with respect, but also you should have no reservations about displaying your own confidence ans status and demanding respect for same. You are the prize. The attitude should be: "There are MANY girls that have benefitted sexually AND as far as companionship and fun with YOU. You picked her because of her looks or sexuality and CHOSE her to receive these benefits as well.";
2) " Be patient " - It's important to have a quiet self-control and confidence, but you should have zero tolerance when a chick starts disrespecting you. If a chick disrespects you, you have the right to lay down the law in no uncertain terms ;
3) "Dont lose your temper" - Male aggression is the biggest trigger for female lust. And it's a whole lot more important than love or looks or money. Without occasional demonstrations of manly aggression, chicks lose their lust and marriages go flat. For most women it is enough when men challenge their BS successfully. For other they need physical abuse to turn them on. That is why women stay with abusive husbands. Of course I'm not advocating that. All I am saying is that an occasional verbal fight does not hurt a relationship - it helps it. Don't be affraid to assert yourself as necessary.
Last edited by Brundlefly on 16-01-2004 at 02:21
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Zylka
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Gee - ya hit her pretty hard there, Rick
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Bereta_Eder
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*hmrf grumlr phmmrffff*
Ok I had a bit of my share of experience in ****ing it up and then getting it back on track.
Here are some *tried* advices.
First flowers and candy and stuff like that are *good*. Don't give that up. But it will get much more than this if the screw up is major.
Letters should be used if other contact is impossible and no more than once or twice. Seek direct face to face contact and let her *see* you're sorry. After a certain time and after you're sorry sorry don't only be pathetic sorry be also funny sorry. Like you have grasped the errour of your ways have absorbed it but now you can also go beyond and use some bitter humour about it. But not too soon or it will backfire.
Unexpected surprises are the best. Like you know where she works? Wait outside for her with flowers when she finishes work completely by surprise. Always think of *good* excuses to be with her. Doesn't matter what she says. Push it and don't let it "cool off" or let it be or whatever or you increase the risk to lose her that way. A good "making or breaking" point for this sort of thing is approximatively 5 days to one week. By that time either the need for eachother will have grown so big that you'd literally explode back into eachother arms or such need will not occure and the process of drifting apart will grow less heart wreackening and easier.
No legal damages can be claimed from me from following these advices but I do think they're the right ones.
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Bereta_Eder
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Also an all too common mistake you seem to be doing is idolizing her. Keep that up *in moderation* during the reconsiliation period 'cause it will make you look more convincing but lose it afterwards. It's a burden and a big mislead.
also if things really get tough, talk to common friends that you know know her so that you find out how she really feels what she deeply thinks of what has happened. So "fish" her friends. Then you can use it on her to show her you understand (if in fact you dont then it might not worth it being together afterall) ]
lastly a lame tactic is using common friends as intemidiaries to influence her as you see fit. for example having telling her you're miserable, or whatever else you think will get through to her. all these have to be done fast though. metal sticks when it's hot.
Last edited by Bereta_Eder on 16-01-2004 at 10:38
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15-01-2004 21:58
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