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Chemical Ollie
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Bored of this board
Jan 2002
time: 06:33
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My buddy did, among other things, the following, which you would perhaps not want to try yourself.
- He told a 20 year old 2nd Leutenant that "As a multiple veteran, I only accept orders that are given in a humble tone!" My buddy was only a private, 26 years at that time. The 2nd Leutenant actually respected his request.
- He put his dick in the ear of his female sergeant to "comfort" her when she was sitting on a stairs, breaking down crying from home sickness. She was not amused.
- He wrote a screen saver for the computer: This monitor has been dick-headed! (Dick-headed means it had been touched by the top of his genitals). A captain held an angry telling-off in front of the whole company for that. But the captain did not know who did it, so he spoke right into the air.
- He broadcasted colourful animal imitations, pornographic gay humour recordings and anything funny he could come over, as reveille each morning. Not a single time did he use the offical army Morning fanfare in 6 months of service.
- He always wore the "India Mission Uniform" from the 60's while his buddies wore the M90.
- His house is full of illegal war trophies. Bayonnettes from a multitude of rifles. We used one of them to cut his 25 years birthday cake, only to explore the lovely taste of weapons grease. He has an unexploded 20 mm HE-round, a pen pistol and several butterfly knifes, all of them illegal in Sweden.
- He took nude paparazzi pics of a female field artist while she was sleeping. He even removed her sleeping boyfriend's arm from her boob to get a better pic. I have seen the pic. The girl has been a backing vocals singer for Roxette at their World tour.
- There was a limit of maximum 1 (or was it 2, can't remember) beers per night. One evening, when he had consumed that and a secretely a little more, he applied black shoeshine on his face, faked an African English accent and walked down to the Ghana Officer's Mess to get another drink. They actually let him in and served him booze, laughing loudly at his pathetic appearance. His officers never found out.
Well, I could make this list very long. But this is it for now. The important message is that my buddy got almost full marks (10-10-9) despite his dissident attitude. I think the reason was that he was 110% serious on all his soldiering duties, regardless if they included harmless radio communication (which was his main duty), tending wounded refugees or picking up RPG casualties in a bucket. US Army might have a different attitude.
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debeest
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I find it discouraging that you're not allowed any news sources, but encouraging that you can send out the information you've posted here.
What is psyops? Propaganda? Morale? Telekinesis?
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Oerdin
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of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:33
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10 February 2004
Now would be a good time to detail the people who work with me. Over all there are 62 people in my company but 36 of them are on Tactical Psyop Teams which are stationed on Forward Operating Bases spread out over the entire northern half of Iraq. The remaining 26 soldiers make up the Head Quarters and Product Development Detachments (PDD) of the company and they are all stationed right here with me at Camp Iron Horse in Tikrit, Iraq. Of the remaining 26 I work with 12 others in the PDD
where we attempt to design leaflets, radio broadcasts, posters, hand bills and other media types to inform the populace of Coalition policies, relief efforts, and what not. The idea is we can show the Iraqis that we are here to help them as well as to modify their behavior in ways that will benefit the Coalition.
Anyway, I’m going to introduce you to a few of the characters I work with so you can get a better understanding of what things are like. I’ve given everyone nicknames just to avoid any future legal troubles but the people themselves are all very real.
SSG Corky- Corky is the official NCOIC of the PDD and loves to make sure everyone else knows it. This wouldn’t be so bad except that Corky is a notorious micromanager who is wound up tighter then a wind up clock; to top it off Corky is a short man with an inferiority complex. On a typical day it is common to see Corky stomping around the house with his shoulders scrunched up against his neck while he complains about the method someone used to design a poster or some other product. Back home Corky works on an assembly line for a company that makes lottery machines. It’s funny how you can always tell which officers and NCOs have no authority in real life because they are the ones most hung up about authority during a deployment. They micromanage everything and have no concept of simply setting goals and then letting co-workers achieve them.
Deep down I think Corky is an ok guy but if anyone ever needed a drink or two to relax Corky is one of them.
SGT Lotus Blossom- She is the defacto head of the subsection I work in even though I technically out rank her. You see she’s a 96B (Intel Analyst) where as I’m a 37F (Psychological Operations Specialist) and since the Target Audience Analysis group mostly deals in Intel reports she seemed like the obvious choice to head it. Besides I am hoping to be sent back out on a tactical team where most of my experience is and where I would really rather be. All in all, SGT Lotus Blossom is a great person who has a very easygoing personality.
SSG Peace Maker- I would really rather have SGT Peace Maker as the detachment NCOIC. Back in the real world he is a manager at a large insurance company so he’s used to managing large numbers of workers without roughing peoples’ feathers plus he has much better interpersonal skills then Corky. Unfortunately, Corky outranks him and Corky has latched on to the NCOIC position as his one chance in his life to be in charge. SSG Peace Maker strikes me as a very intelligent man who tends to do more thinking then talking. The upside to this is whenever he does talk he usually has something intelligent to say so people listen to him.
PFC Pedophile- Pedophile is a very disturbed individual. He is the only 37 year old PFC I have ever meet and he can’t seem to go more then a year without getting an article 15 which takes away more rank from him. Back home he works for the new Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) that the Bush Administration set up after 9/11. Knowing that retard screw-ups like Pedophile are in charge of our safety when we fly on civilian planes is almost enough for me to swear off air travel all together.
I once asked him what he liked most about working for TSA and Pedophile responded, I’m not joking about this, that he loved how he could sniff women’s underwear when he goes through their luggage. Yuck! The other thing which sticks out in my memory is one day back at Fort Bragg a bunch of us were sitting around talking about girls. I mentioned that my girlfriend back home was 25 and that since I’m 27 it was the ideal age for me. One of the younger fellows said he thought 21 was the perfect age and another that 18 was ideal for him. Pedophile laughed and said all of those were to old and that 13 was the perfect age to “break them in”. There was dead silence after he said that.
PFC Four Eyes- I think Four Eyes is a good guy. He is as good-natured as a guy can be and he’s actually pretty intelligent to boot. His weak spot is that he must wear these huge glasses or else he’s blind as a bat plus back home he’s a college student who works at a loud disco Tec. That means he’s also nearly deaf as a result of working around all those noisy speakers. At 6’7 he’s also a tall and ungainly fellow who sometimes reminds me of a puppy the way he has a tendency to trip of things as he walks. Still, he’s a great guy who really knows how to do his job.
SSG Von- SSG Von is a German immigrant in his early 60’s who’s great love of beer and food has left him with a very large belly. He is a nice enough guy but he’s very absent-minded. Originally the officers didn’t want SSG Von to come to Iraq but when no one else could be found to replace him (there is a lesson to be learned about how thinly stretched our armed forces are) he was put back on the battle roaster and sent to Iraq. Now days we mostly put him behind a desk and let him slowly type away at whatever admin stuff we need doing. He doesn’t seem to mind though occasionally he gets it in his head that he should be in charge but luckily he soon grows tired and returns to his little desk in the corner.
Major Yosemite Sam- Yosemite Sam is the official OIC of the PDD although he spends most of his time in the TAAC (Head Quarter building) so we almost never see him. Normally, Y.S. has little if any idea as to what’s going on in the PDD but being an officer we expect that from him. When Y.S. does show up it’s usually just to pick up a piece of data or to ask us to make a report one of his superiors asked for; then he’ll do his best Yosemite Sam imitation and tell us to “go get them there varmints”. The major is an interesting fellow.
Those six are about half of the people I work closely with on a daily basis though they are the ones I’m most likely to write about in the future. I’ll write about the other half of my co-workers if they’re involved in an interesting story or if things slow down and I need material but I think the six above will be my most prolific sources of blogging inspiration.
16 February 2004
Well I finally got off base today. I suppose it wasn’t the first time since I did take part in the convoy which took us from Balad to Tikrit a week ago though that was at night and I didn’t get to stop and get a feel for the place. Today the out going unit took a few of use into Tikrit to show us around a bit. They introduced us to the Chief of police, showed us the other American military base in town, where the university is, where the bazaar is, etc… They also took us to an Iraqi restaurant which specialized in BBQ chicken. We sent three people inside to get the chicken while the rest of us guarded the vehicles and pulled security on the front of the restaurant. Tikrit is Saddam’s hometown and most of the people some how made there living as part of the former regime. As such all of the Coalition Forces make sure they are on their guard while in this town.
Once we got back home we ate the chicken and found that it was pretty good. The Iraqis cook the whole chicken on a wooden stick and then serve it with shredded lettuce, couscous, chopped onions & tomatoes, and lightly pickled “salad” (mostly made up of picked squash, cucumbers, and zucchini). We washed it down with locally made Coca-Cola which comes in 300ml cans (instead of the normal American size which is 550ml) which had pull tab tops instead of the pop tops which are used in the wealthy western countries. All in all it was not back for $2.
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Oerdin
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of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:33
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17 February 2004
Today, a PFC in the Civil Affairs unit down the street died and a major was wounded when a roadside bomb went off as their humvee was driving on the road between Baqubah and Sulamaynia. I actually had lunch with both of those men today so even though I only meet them once it still feels like a personal lose. I mean one minute your shaking hands and eating lamb and then a few hours later one of you is dead. The worst part is the soldier who died was scheduled to go home in just two weeks.
You see the Civil Affairs Company has nearly finished their year long deployment and they will be returning to the US in two weeks. To celebrate the arrival of their replacements and their imminent return to their loved ones the CA Company decided to throw a small lunch party and to invite all of their neighbors. They ordered a ton of food from one of the best restaurants in town so everyone wanted to go plus we had a professional interest in attending because most of the civilian VIPs from Tikrit whom Civil Affairs had worked with over the last were going to be there. That meant the party was a good place for Psyop to meet many of the key movers and shakers in and around Tikrit.
The lunch party lasted two and a half hours and I only spoke to the PFC who died once. I said I had never had any Iraqi food before and she suggested I try the spiced lamb. Three hours later she was dead. Life can be unfair sometimes.
19 February 2004
The good news is that I can now say with certainty that the Armored Humvee made by AM General Corp does indeed safe lives. The bad news is one of my best friends here in Iraq (A Sergeant) on the team in Sulamaynia will be receiving a purple heart. The Tactical Psyop Team (TPT) was traveling on the exact same road where the female Civil Affairs corporal (CPL) was killed two days before when they were also hit by an IED. The IED was buried on the side of the road and exploded a mire six feet from their HUMVEE as they passed. The CPL driving (who is also a close friend of mine) would have been killed if not for the bullet proof doors while the SGT, who was the turret gunner) had his life spared by the steel blast shield the machine gun mounts in. As it is, the SGT had one of his eardrums ruptured, took a fragment in his left shoulder, and has a concussion. As of right now the doctors are saying they don’t know if he will ever be able to hear out of his left ear again.
I’m going to pray for my friend and I ask that everyone else does as well.
21 February 23, 2004
I went on a convoy with the company commander to the northern oil city of Kirkuk. Kirkuk used to be a predominantly Kurdish city before 1991 when Saddam began to ethnically cleans the Kurds from the area in order to insure the city remained in the hands of Arab loyalists. Most of the city’s Kurdish population was told to abandon their homes or they would be killed. After the Kurds left, the houses were sold to Arab families who repopulated the area. After Saddam was deposed the Kurdish refugees began to return to their homes and fighting erupted between the Kurds and the Sunni Arabs. Currently the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) is attempting to buy the Arabs out of the homes so that the Kurds can be resettled into the areas in which they were ethnically cleansed. Naturally, the Sunnis oppose this.
During the two hour drive from Tikrit to Sulamaynia you could totally tell which villages were populated by Sunni Arabs and which belonged to the Kurds or Armenian Christians because the Kurdish and Armenian children would come running out of their homes to wave at the Army convoy while the Sunni Arabs would just give us icy stares. The convoy stopped at one Iraqi police check point in order to drop off posters and medical supplies which were to be distributed in the town; during that stop a young Arab boy (he appeared 6-8 years old) walked up and asked me for candy in English so I gave him a bag of M&Ms from my MRE. After I gave the child the candy his father walked up to him, slapped him in the face, and then throw the M&Ms on the ground. I guess he didn’t like us very much.
Anyway, Forward Operating Bases (FOB) Bayonet in Sulamaynia is located in a compound which used to house Saddam’s secret police, the Mahaborot. As such several of the buildings were destroyed by JDAMs during the war but the compound’s walls are still in place so the Coalition continues to use the facility. Since the old Iraqi police station in Kirkuk was destroyed by a car bomb last summer the Iraqi police have also moved onto the base and I had an opportunity to meet and talk, via a translator, with them. It seems the majority of the police force in Kirkuk is now Kurdish with a large minority of Sufi Arabs. The Sufis are a mystic order of Muslims who were persecuted as heretics by the former regime and who is known throughout the Middle East as great warriors. After meeting them I can tell why. They train in marksmanship and hand to hand combat from a very young age plus they take their role very seriously; so seriously that Sufis are known to commit suicide rather then accept the dishonor of losing in a fight. While at FOB Bayonet I saw two Sufis “practicing” at knife fighting where the object is to slash your opponent’s chest with your knife. The first one to draw blood wins but only if the cut comes from your opponent’s chest. Both of the combats sustained minor cuts to their arms before one of the Sufis won. They are experts with knives and rifles. The closest parallel I can think of is the Nepalese Gurkas the British use in their Army. I’m glade the Sufis are on our side.
While the CO was conducting the equipment inventory I took a tour of the Mahaborot’s old torture chambers. The cells were approximately four feet by eight feet and contained no windows. When locked the only light and fresh air comes from a small crack at the bottom of the cell door. I can only imagine how hot the cells must get during the scorching Arabian summer. I cannot fathom why anyone would support a regime which would torture its own people in such a manner.
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Oerdin
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of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:33
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quote:
Originally posted by debeest
I find it discouraging that you're not allowed any news sources, but encouraging that you can send out the information you've posted here.
What is psyops? Propaganda? Morale? Telekinesis? |
They don't outlaw other news sources per say but they do make them hard to reach. The PX supposedly carries Newsweek and Time though I've only seen one issue of Newsweek and it was 8 weeks old.  There is the internet which has become my primary source of news and information and even though the Army has officially ordered soldiers not to buy anything off of the local economy we've gone out and bought a satallite dish so we get 80 channels of European and Middle-eastern TV. Only about 20 of them are in English but it's nice to veg out in front of the TV sometimes.
Psyops or Psychological Operations is basically a fancy way to say I work in public relations. Our job is to inform the Iraqi populace of Coalition policies, modify civilian behavior in ways that is benificial to the Coalition, and to conduct various tactical Psyop missions. Those tactical missions include things like surrender applies, deception missions, loud speaker broadcasts, infantry support, and crowd control (important in countries with large numbers of refugees).
Much of our work in Iraq has been designing leaflets, posters, and hand bills, as well as, radio scripts and helping the new Iraqi Media Network get set up.
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debeest
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Oerdin, this is just about the most interesting stuff I've read here. Thanks. I'm not a praying guy, but I'm wishing the best for you.
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Tingkai
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To find the Northwest Passage
Aug 2001
time: 13:33
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Oerdin: Best of luck to you and I hope you make it back in one piece.
Just one question, and I'm just interested in your opinion since you're in psyops: The American military has installed itself in one of Saddam's old palace complexes. Isn't there a danger that the locals will compare the US to Saddam? The old went out, the new came in and nothing has changed. I'm not saying that the US is the same as Saddam, but isn't there a danger that the perception among the locals is that nothing has changed?
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17-02-2004 10:40
It never fails to amaze me how ****ing retarded the brass can be.
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