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Zopperoni
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Ah, what the heck, I'll give you a hand: Zopperoni
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duke o' york
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Chapter Five – Not waving, but drowning
After another terrible murder, the remaining passengers and crew aboard the Apolyton gathered in the dining room to hear the results of the voting from the Captain. Many people gave meaningful stares in the direction of the deck hand Zopperoni al-Collina, but Inspecteur Maigret and Jim Rockford were not above suspicion either. Block voting was already common, and several cliques had been established, but this made little odds this time as everyone rushed to pin the blame on the unfortunate deck hand Zopperoni al-Collina.
He was amazed that they could have all suspected him of the gruesome murders, and started to protest that he had too much work to do to be put to death: “but I’ve just got one more thing to……”. Despite the protection offered by his fez, silence came in the form of a brown handbag that matched the shoes of its wielder, and the crowd closed in to finish him off. Geomodder was most put out when the Captain made him dispose of the body of his deck hand, and more so when he realised that he would have to take all of Zopperoni’s duties until they arrived in Luxor. Perhaps he had not voted in the wisest manner possible after all….
The passengers settled down again, relieved that their ordeal at the hands of the wicked Zopperoni had come to an end. Theben strolled around the deck with Miss Marple, whistling cheerfully and even going so far as to listen to a couple of her tedious stories. Bulldog Drummond took his place between Jim Rockford and the Duc de Pavelles on the sundeck, deckchairs strategically turned towards the washerwomen on the bank. Columbo and Derrick watched HongHu play the Earl of Octavian and Inspector Morse at Ugly, although she gave it a Chinese name they didn’t understand so that they wouldn’t take offence. HongHu began to think that if her parents were going to marry her off to an old man back in China, then she could do worse that to marry Mr Wallingford, a decidedly rich old man. But then, looking at Mr Wallingford, this foolish notion quickly left her, and she concentrated on thrashing the two Europeans at cards. Before dinner, everybody returned to their cabins to get some rest and to prepare for dinner, and Geomodder to apply some plasters to the blisters he had developed doing Zopperoni’s work. He realised that by proving himself to be resourceful, he might make a good impression with the shipping company, and maybe get a captaincy of his own, but for the time being resourcefulness was proving to be painful.
Discovering that one of the chairs at dinner was empty, the Captain sent the hapless Geomodder to find who was missing. Passing the open door of cabin number 12, he saw Chaunk under his bed, with a utility screwdriver in his mouth. He had 26 cross-shaped holes and 37 straight holes in his chest. Two screws fixed his right index finger to the floor of his cabin, and a napkin from the dining room was wedged into his mouth so that none of the other passengers could have heard him scream. This new murder shocked those aboard, as they had been so glad that the threat of Zopperoni had been eliminated and were not suspecting that they might not have caught the evil mafia. They repaired to Skanky’s bar to mull over the events, and to drown their despair with more booze and expensive tobacco from the Captain’s own private store. The remaining crew members were most grateful that the Captain had allowed them access to this fabled stash, and puffed away merrily on the ship’s hookah.
Inspector Maigret was sitting on a bar stool enjoying a pastis before his delayed dinner when he noticed a card on the bar. He went to return it to HongHu, who told him that it was not from one of her decks, and it didn’t look like it was from the ship. Looking at it more closely, it bore a picture of what looked like a small ugly man sitting atop a pile of gold. He scratched his head and passed this oddity around the other detectives for inspection.
After dinner, the Captain announced that another vote would have to take place before breakfast the following morning, and that he advised them all to get a good night’s sleep to clear their heads and let them concentrate on the clues.
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Apolyton Time is 00:36. |
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26-05-2004 01:29
I may go and join the police, because the promotion prospects appear to be excellent.
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