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MRT144
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Seattle Washington
Oct 2002
time: 21:35
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only if you become less of a punk
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shawnmmcc
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TCO - all commentary aside, how similiar are your values, and how well do you negotiate/compromise? Those are going to be critical values. If you tend want to be "right", don't compromise very well, and also have trouble agreeing to disagree, you will have problems with marriage and raising children no matter what. If you are not very similiar (styles/beliefs) and you don't negotiate well, it won't work. Period. After that you have a continuum. The better the two of you negotiate, the more differences will not be a problem.
You also need to negotiate expectations. Where to live, children, your futures, how to handle finances, religion, etc. The espectation thing can really throw a monkey wrench into the marraige, that's why so many end in divorce during the first couple of years.
For example, if one of you expects to continue going to bars and having a weekly night out, and the other expects for both of you to be together all the time, you WILL have a problem. If one of you expects that all expenses are split 50-50 while the remainder earned is kept in seperate accounts, while the other expects a joint family account with all major purchases negotiated - again, major problems. You need to work this out BEFORE hand, when the pressures are less - and if you are going for the 50-50 split, you need to discuss how having children and having one person stay home will affect that - hint: it doesn't work in that context.
There are dozens of techniques to evaluate compatability, such as each of you writing seperate list and then exchanging them, etc. Google them, maybe together, and jointly agree which ones to use. You may suddenly realize - good God, she's a keeper. Or you may suddenly realize passion aside and all that, we are REALLY imcompatible when you get down to the nitty gritty. Love does not conquer all, though it certainly works as a good lubricant. 
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04-04-2005 11:51
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