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kcbob
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Kansas City, MO USA
Dec 1999
time: 23:12
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Nikolai Pejorov, aka Chairman kcbob the Pejorative, was born in the eastern steppes of Apolyton. Raised in an area of the empire known for its lack of amenities, e.g., soft toilet paper, he quickly became a champion in the cause of the people. A man who wished for nothing more than the tired to be rested, the poor to be enriched, the masses yearning to be free to be… well, let's not go too far.
He joined the Party at an early age and quickly rose through the ranks of the inept eastern party members to attain the title of Fifth Undersecretary for Cultural Advancement on the Central Committee. In the last few days before the death of comrade Smash, Nikolai moved ruthlessly to solidify his power base, a base built in the previous ten years by collecting compromising photos of the others in the Central Committee. (Look for the collection soon on the Home Shopping Network, item 0710-JB, regularly priced $19.95, yours today for only $9.95)
As word of comrade Smash's death spread through the palace, Nikolai sent forth his cronies to let it be known that he, Nikolai, expected to be named the new leader of Apolyton. So it was that on May 5, 1555, hereafter referred to as Cinqo de Mayo de uno, de cinqo, de cinqo, de cinqo, with Nikolai's half brother on his sister's side General LeClair's help, Nikolai ascended to power.
For his part in the coup, General LeClair was ignominiously labeled a traitor and put in prison in the newly completed facility of Shawshank Chevrolet, aka "Like A Rock". A textbook scapegoat, he died there in solitary confinement 40 years later, claiming to the day he died that he was in reality, Louis' identical twin brother. But then, that's another story.
Nikolai took the new name of Chairman kcbob, a practice that he had intended to spread throughout the empire. To that end, he renamed the town in which he was born, Bloomin Prairie, calling it now Smashingrad after the late comrade Smash. And then, with great anticipation, he turned his eyes and those of Apolyton upon the world. And the entire world trembled.
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Frodo lives!
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skrobism
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you guys are having too much fun!
I've looked at the web site and it's a good/funny read.
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kcbob
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Kansas City, MO USA
Dec 1999
time: 23:12
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In the latter months of 1555, Chairman kcbob, with the full support of the Central Committee, undertook a program that would lead Apolyton to world domination. A training program in the 5th Directorate began producing "cultural attachés" with the intent of expanding our influence in other countries.
In 1560, after many long years of labor, the people of Apolyton completed the Hoover Dam in Smashchester, a glorious accomplishment by the working class. In addition, the first of our cultural attachés convinced the citizens of Calixtlahuaca to change their allegiance to Apolyton for a mere 430 pieces of gold. In return, 142 pieces of gold were added to the Apolyton coffers.
In 1565, the population of Apolyton exceeded 20,000,000 for the first time in history. The Mongol city of Basra was taken by another attaché and thus, the Mongol civilization ceased to exist, swallowed up by our great nation.
1570 will go down in history as the point in history when our destiny became clear to the world. Steel was discovered. With this advancement complete, Machine Tools became the goal for which our scientists strove. While the program of espionage was clearly working to our advantage, Chairman kcbob recognized that someday, words would fail. Action would be required. But in the meantime, Tlaxcala, Texcoco, and Akkad were won over to the cause, again for mere gold. Such are the evil ways of capitalists. So easily they can be bought! And then, with our intentions becoming clear to the world, the veil was lifted, the fight was on, and our forces battled their way into Tenochtitlan, destroying the decadent Aztec civilization in the process. A token of the depravity of the Aztecs, a theater built by a plagiarist named Shakespeare, was taken. Initially, thought was given to burning it to the ground. That was rejected and it was voted by the Central Committee to convert it to a giant hot tub at some later date.
Over the next decade, preparations were made for the inevitable war with the Celts. While we established an embassy with them in 1580, it became clear that they were not going to change their ways. We, the peace loving people of Apolyton tried to welcome them with open arms, tried to reason with them, but to no avail. So it was that a campaign was begun against the Celts, those of the unkempt hair and unwashed loincloths. Cork was bribed for 1480 gold. While this seemed to be an exorbitant amount to spend in this effort, it was decided that a foothold was needed deep in the heart of Celt country.
In 1585, after a final midnight effort by our scientists, Machine Tools were discovered and the master craftsmen at Leonardo's Workshop upgraded our cannon to artillery. For their work, they were all given weekend passes to the newly opened Shakespeare's Hot Tub and All Night Diner Disco. Research in the field of Refining was begun with the thought that the T-series of tanks on the drawing board would help with the final domination of the Celts. In the southern hemisphere, Ellipi was won over by one of our attachés, another indication that our way, the Apolyton way, was the way to live.
In 1590, our great naval forces began a barrage of the Babylonian city of Ashur and, as a result, our cavalry was able to take the city uncontested. Nineveh was also taken, again by one of our attachés, and the kingdom of the Babylonians lay at our feet. On the northern front, after a long hard fought battle, the city of Tintagel fell to our armies.
And finally, in 1595, with victory in sight, Chairman kcbob turned over the control of the Central Committee to comrade Paul. His work nearly over, his dacha in Rivendell finally finished and complete with cable TV, kcbob retired from public life knowing that Apolyton would rule forever!
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Frodo lives!
[This message has been edited by kcbob (edited November 08, 2000).]
[This message has been edited by kcbob (edited November 08, 2000).]
[This message has been edited by kcbob (edited November 08, 2000).]
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06-11-2000 10:17
Very Well Done DaveV - and that nasty Commie Smash disn't do too badly either!!! 
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