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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:23
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Hello, I'm Shaka, and this here is Joan. We demand that Goober give us something to do. I know that Goober has been getting laid more times than Austin friggin' Powers, but the time has come for the Vikings to do something with those danm planes!
-gooberboob Wha- who's talking?
-Shaka It's Barry White baybey, I know what you want.
-gooberboob I'm NOT GAY!!
-Joan I told you it wouldn't work, you perv!
-Shaka Calm down babe, it's gonna be allllll right!
-Joan KNOCK IT OFF.
-gooberboob I've gotta do something about this.
----------
Shaka had turned in for the night, somewhat concerned with the lack of retaliation on the part of the Viking horde.
"Shaka!!! WAKE UP!!"
"God? Is that you?"
"I'm the author you twit!! how do you like people coming to wake yo arse up in the middle of the night?"
"C'mon, I wanted you to hear my Barry White impersonation, and besides, you've been getting waaay more action than me, why don't you give Joan some Spanish Fly or something."
"Don't you think I've tried?? Your Barry White thing sucks man! If you stopped talking like that maybe she'd hook up with you!"
"Yeah, but I sound like Screech from Saved by the Bell when I don't talk like Barry White."
"No you don't, you sound like Steve Urkel from Family Matters, and he ended up with that hot Myra chick."
"Heey that's right hee hee hee *snort* *snort* *snort*"
"And if being yourself doesn't work, you can always get her drunk, after all, she's French!"
"So, you going to start the story now goober?"
"I've already started it you idiot!"
"Well, I mean, are you going to write some more?"
"No, I've got some other business to attend to."
"You're going to hire a hooker aren't you"
Just then the first Viking bomb dropped through Shaka's ceiling.
"HEEEY!!"
"Take back the hooker thing, and the bomb doesn't explode."
"Alright, alright, it's all good baby"
"AND STOP TALKING LIKE BARRY WHITE!!"
"Did I do that?"
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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:23
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It was last stand time. Thousands of Viking aircraft stood ready to begin an assault on Shaka and Joan's entrenched forces. There was a weight in the air at the Franco-Zulu fortification in Memphis that was heavier than even the most veteran troops could remember. Joan was ready to die for her people, Shaka had intentions to relieve some "tension" before the battle.
"Joan, what say you and I go create a reason to keep on living?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean let's go relieve some of this sexual tension between the two of us, you know it's there baby."
"Sorry Shaka, you blew it with that Barry White thing you started."
"I've changed though, I now talk like Urkel."
"That's not any better."
"Well then how can I get laid?"
"By asking someone who's not me ... twit.
"Why can't you?"
"Because I'm a lesbian, do I have to spell it out for you? L - E - Z - B - N LESBIAN!"
"I thought so... don't worry, I've been spreading the word in bathroom stalls for months now."
"What the Fu-?"
But Joan was unable to continue, the Viking assault had begun, and it started from the air.
The two watched in horror as the city walls, which they had perfected, had been completely destroyed in a matter of minutes. This was a new kind of warfare.
The citizens had a harder time of it, they had never experienced anything like this before, nor had they read of any occurance that was close to resembling this type of destruction. Soon it was confirmed by the clergy that the day of reckoning had come, and they should repent their sins immediately.
Fire soon engulfed all military structures in Memphis, and Shaka and Joan were hiding out in the basement of an abandoned house far from the assault.
"Shaka."
"Yes Joan"
"I don't want to die a virgin"
"I am so glad to hear you say that"
"Why?"
"Because now you're really f*cked"
"WHAT?"
"I ain't sleepin' with no lesbo"
"That is so discriminatory!"
"Bah, you had your chance and you pissed it away, ain't none of Shaka's chocolate for you."
"That's disgusting, AND YOU'RE TALKING LIKE BARRY WHITE AGAIN!!"
------
Jennings and a small band of insane berserkers saw the planes take off and knew that this was their chance. With these airbases undefended, they could capture them, forcing the attacking airplanes to crash, the idea was brilliant.
"Ready men?"
"Hold on, I gotta pee."
"ANYONE ELSE GOTTA PEE!?"
"NO SIR!"
"You'll have to hold it."
"But it stings!"
"Transfer the sting into anger, you may pee when the base is captured."
With that command, the crew of berserkers charged the runways of the airbases, and had soon taken all of them.
----
"Vike one to command, mayday mayday, the airbases have been captured!"
"Hang in there Vike one."
"I'm out of fuel!!"
"Vike one please repeat."
"I'm out of-"
----
This is probably too graphic and not as funny as the last one... oh well.
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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:23
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Bits of plane scattered the desert like the bones of some long forgotten beast. The pilots had learned that the airbase was destroyed as soon as the first wave of their attack had begun their return flight, those pilots wanted their last moments to count for something, and they did.
Memphis lay in ruins, the central seat of Northern African power had become a charred mark on the desert.
Shaka and Joan lay in each other's arms. They were both deceased, but in the air you could still hear a very faint "You're not Barry White."
----
Indeed, the Vikings had been victorious, the Viking congress signed agreements with the other Zulu and French towns, who had, by this time, united to form the nation of AFRIKAA, and had opened up trade with the Nation of South-Central America, these two nations provided enough of a deterrent to the Vikings that an attack was no longer feaseable.
Slowly but steadily, the Viking nation began to be forgiven for some of it's older transgressions, and social reform swept Europe.
Female children now had all the same rights as male ones, entertainment was readily available, and people who claimed drinking was the scourge of society were publicly executed.
----
Jennings was caught soon after destroying the Viking airbases, but was accidently pardoned when he asked to go to the bathroom... he had to pee.
THE END
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31-12-2002 02:37
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