08-05-2003 05:20									#61
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quote: Originally posted by Swissy Lost my son to cancer, a week before the Christmas of '94. He was three years old.

I'm really sorry to hear that, it must have been horrible for you. My sympathies.

	08-05-2003 05:41									#62
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self edit after reading a few posts

	08-05-2003 06:32									#63
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Now that I'm older, I don't fear death as much. I look at it like this: I would like to die before my children do. Its that simple.

If I live long enough to see them settled in life, and maybe some grandchildren I will be a very happy man.

As far as work goes now, my main priority is to build up some assets to pass on to them. I'm not that interested in giving them "wealth" for its own sake but if they have talents or dreams they want pursue, like overseas study, I hope I will be able to help them achieve those dreams financially.

For myself, I like to live very simply so if I don't have a lot to live on in retirement it won't bother me in the slightest. As long as I can go fishing and read a book, I'm set.

That's why Swissy's case is so sad

Last edited by Alexander's Horse on 08-05-2003 at 06:43

	08-05-2003 07:31									#64
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quote: Originally posted by Dissident my dad died several years ago. he was an alcoholic and wasn't a very good father. I'm not really sure how I should feel about this.

Diss: you have to forgive people their faults and just concentrate on not making the same mistakes. trust me life is better in the long run if you do this.

	08-05-2003 08:39									#65
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin Diss: you have to forgive people their faults and just concentrate on not making the same mistakes. trust me life is better in the long run if you do this.

Totally agreed, Oerdin. My father died 3 years ago, and THEN, in his funeral, we discovered his other family... Two brothers (much younger than my official family, they have 17 and 21 years... I'm 49), and I love them!

	08-05-2003 08:40									#66
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin Diss: you have to forgive people their faults and just concentrate on not making the same mistakes. trust me life is better in the long run if you do this.

Agreed. Part of being human is making mistakes, some of us just make bigger mistakes than others. As long as we're willing to accept errors of judgement, we can move on. Dwell on them, and we get caught in the same groove, over and over again. This applies to generations as well as individually.

	08-05-2003 09:13									#67
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4 of my 5 grandparents (one step, before you ask), with the 5th one like Willem's mother, so far gone with Alzheimer's that it would be a mercy.

My father when I was 12 after his body rejected a bone marrow transplant for chronic myelogenous leukemia. He fought so hard they had to tranquilize him because his body refused to let the respirator breathe for him. I think I'm glad that I was young enough I don't remember much more than that and drawing a floor plan for an overpressure hospital room I wanted them to build for him while his immune system was knocked out. (I've never figured out if that was me being a nerd, a kid, or in denial.)

A girlfriend, who was to become a fiancee within the next two weeks, to a car accident.

7 aunts, uncles, and cousins, all to suicides over the last ten years.

	09-05-2003 02:48									#68
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quote: Originally posted by Aro Totally agreed, Oerdin. My father died 3 years ago, and THEN, in his funeral, we discovered his other family... Two brothers (much younger than my official family, they have 17 and 21 years... I'm 49), and I love them!

Wow! Just like in Evita only with boys instead of girls!

I'm sorry, was that outburst inappropriate?

	12-05-2003 04:25									#69
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quote: Originally posted by Aro Totally agreed, Oerdin. My father died 3 years ago, and THEN, in his funeral, we discovered his other family... Two brothers (much younger than my official family, they have 17 and 21 years... I'm 49), and I love them!

Your father wasn't Ronald Biggs by any chance?

	12-05-2003 12:44									#70
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I lost my biological father last year in a tragic accident. He was in Texas, and I'm in the northern Great Plains ... never really saw him again after he and my mother divorced.

Life was hard for him, from what I understand, and he always said he threw it all away when he walked out on my mother and I. His life was never as good after he left us, but I never really despised him for it (probably because I my mother remarried and I was blessed with three new siblings). When I heard he had died, I didn't really feel deep grief ... only a sense that his soul was now free of this life's burdens, and that he was being healed. Maybe it sounds corny, well ... then so be it.

My maternal grandmother died from brain cancer in 1992. She was only in her mid-50s when she died. I remember seeing her at the funeral, and how her face looked like Grandma again, no longer twisted from the cancer. That death hit me the hardest by far; I was 18 at the time. It also devastated my own mother, and she still hasn't 100 percent recovered to this day (does anybody ever really recover ... I don't think so).

One of the reasons I became a journalist was because I wanted to preserve people's stories, their life experiences and so on. As a so-called "gatekeeper," it's my *responsibility* to see that the memories of our civilization live on in the records; among those memories are the deeds, dreams and hopes of individual people, and oftentimes you only hear of their life stories when you edit and flow their obituary onto a page.

I've been on the verge of tears more than once when carrying out this particular responsibility, particularly when it's a young person's obituary, or that of a child, or of someone who died tragically and unexpectedly. Keeping track of obituaries is but a small part of my overall job, but it's an important part because it's what people will cut out of the paper and put in their own personal records. It's what they will keep as part of their own cherished memories of a loved one who has passed on.

Sometimes, I yearn to die myself, if only so I can be there as a bridge between life and the afterlife for those who have died young or unexpectedly, to hold their souls and just let them use me as an anchor if needed. Corny? Maybe, but it really means a lot to me.

Gatekeeper

	12-05-2003 13:17									#71
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edit: I just saw Oerdin's post , I thought my other post was buried forever.

I'm still so unsettled about my father's death. I never grieved. He cause me a lot of emotional pain when I was younger. I just couldn't find it in me to grieve. Perhaps if I had known him before the disease of alcoholism had fully taken him...One good thing I guess he taught me is to be a hard worker. Depite his disease he was still able to to put forth his best effort when he was working. I suppose I should be grateful to have a father when many have had none. I just find it diffucult when remembering the pain.

It's just something I don't like to think about. Yes I know they say you shouldn't ignore the problem. But I can see little else to think about. I know my past, I know what happened. I know what the present situation is. what else is there to think about?

In any case I revealed more than I thought I would. I mentioned that in another thread. I have revealed more here at Apolyton than I have even to my friends. I suppose I don't have any close friends, just people I hang out with. I suppose the anonymous nature of these forums is part of the reason I reveal so much. And I am kind of concerned with the poly meet taking away from that. It will be different to be sure.

But enough of the thread jacking. The past deaths are not something that plagues me day to day. It's just something I don't think about much. I don't think I'm repressing, it's just that there is nothing more to think about as I stated above. The thing that unsettles me is the lack of grief on my part. I don't consider myself unfeeling. The death of my ex-girlfriend seemed to affect me deeper. That is unsettling as well. Ahh well..

Last edited by Dis on 12-05-2003 at 13:22

	12-05-2003 17:09									#72
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quote: Originally posted by Gatekeeper I've been on the verge of tears more than once when carrying out this particular responsibility, particularly when it's a young person's obituary, or that of a child, or of someone who died tragically and unexpectedly. Sometimes, I yearn to die myself, if only so I can be there as a bridge between life and the afterlife for those who have died young or unexpectedly, to hold their souls and just let them use me as an anchor if needed. Corny? Maybe, but it really means a lot to me. Gatekeeper

It's not corny, but it is worrisome. It's normal to have some sort of grieving reaction in response to someone's death,even if you are only peripherally involved, i.e., the journalist. The healthcare field has recognized this recently, and in response has initiated the concept of "Critical Stress Incident Debriefing" a technique used to help healthcare workers, such as ER personnel, paramedics, and even police and fireman, cope with the psychological aftereffects of dealing with tragic deaths. I think you need similar help.

To me it would seem that you are more of a bridge as a living survivor than as a dead person. It also appears that deep down you find these memories burdensome, and wish to let them go. After all, how could you possibly hope to hold onto or anchor someone else's soul by dying yourself? Instead let me suggest that you may be weary of holding on to them, and the thought of dying in order to hold the souls in fact represents a desire to free your self. You need to come to find a sort of peace with the concept of death, and to go on with life.

	12-05-2003 22:50									#73
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quote: Originally posted by Dr Strangelove It's not corny, but it is worrisome. It's normal to have some sort of grieving reaction in response to someone's death,even if you are only peripherally involved, i.e., the journalist. The healthcare field has recognized this recently, and in response has initiated the concept of "Critical Stress Incident Debriefing" a technique used to help healthcare workers, such as ER personnel, paramedics, and even police and fireman, cope with the psychological aftereffects of dealing with tragic deaths. I think you need similar help. To me it would seem that you are more of a bridge as a living survivor than as a dead person. It also appears that deep down you find these memories burdensome, and wish to let them go. After all, how could you possibly hope to hold onto or anchor someone else's soul by dying yourself? Instead let me suggest that you may be weary of holding on to them, and the thought of dying in order to hold the souls in fact represents a desire to free your self. You need to come to find a sort of peace with the concept of death, and to go on with life.

That's deep, and I do appreciate the concern. But rest assured, I certainly do not feel that way even half of the time. I've found coping mechanisms that are more than adequate to keep me rooted in this life (i.e. family, friends, the mystery of life and so on).

If there are any paramedics, ER-types, firefighters and police officers reading this thread, I'm sure your post will be of benefit to them.

Gatekeeper

	13-05-2003 05:09									#74
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quote: Originally posted by Gatekeeper That's deep, and I do appreciate the concern. But rest assured, I certainly do not feel that way even half of the time. I've found coping mechanisms that are more than adequate to keep me rooted in this life (i.e. family, friends, the mystery of life and so on). If there are any paramedics, ER-types, firefighters and police officers reading this thread, I'm sure your post will be of benefit to them. Gatekeeper

"CSID" is usually supplied by the hospital, fire department, or police department free to employees, it's there to keep them from "going postal".

Just out of curiosity, why do you believe that you would become an anchor for the people whom you know have died by dying your self?

	13-05-2003 05:22									#75
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quote: Originally posted by Dr Strangelove "CSID" is usually supplied by the hospital, fire department, or police department free to employees, it's there to keep them from "going postal."

That's good to hear.

quote: Just out of curiosity, why do you believe that you would become an anchor for the people whom you know have died by dying your self?

Hmm ... I don't know if I words can describe it. It's more or less a faith matter for me — I believe that many, if not all, souls need help when transitioning from life to whatever lies beyond (and back into life, but that's another issue entirely), and there are souls out there who "specialize" in helping in that area.

I'm going to leave it at that because I generally don't like discussing my faith in public. I've always believed that faith is an intensely personal thing, and that religious institutions with all their rituals and whatnot (which is different from just plain old faith) isn't always the path a person needs to take in order to find enlightenment.

It probably all sounds somewhat New Age-ish, doesn't it?

Gatekeeper

	13-05-2003 06:59									#76
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quote: Originally posted by Gatekeeper I've always believed that faith is an intensely personal thing, and that religious institutions with all their rituals and whatnot (which is different from just plain old faith) isn't always the path a person needs to take in order to find enlightenment. It probably all sounds somewhat New Age-ish, doesn't it?

No, in fact you pretty much summed up my feelings about spirituality there as well. For some people it's fine to follow the rituals and be comforted by them. But others have to find their own path, the standard explanations don't suffice.

PS For me it's not so much that I don't want to talk about things, but since it's so personal they'll never quite get what I'm trying to explain anyway, so why bother.

	13-05-2003 10:40									#77
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All my grandparents are gone. Not many people my age have a living grandparent; one grandfather died nearly 50 years ago.

My dad's older brother died two weeks short of his 80th birthday. Not bad for a lifelong chain smoker.

My mom died three years ago of a form of leukemia. She'd been fighting it for about a year. We expected her to last longer, but we also expected most of that extra time to be spent suffering, so on balance I consider it a blessing.

That's it, unless you count the miscarriages my sister-in-law had before my first niece was born. Not bad for a guy in his 50's.

	13-05-2003 17:58									#78
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quote: Originally posted by Rex Little Not bad for a guy in his 50's.

Alright, another member of the "Apolyton Old Fogey's Club"!