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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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New format for Pravda!
COMRADES!
WE GREET EACH DAY WITH THE TRUTH!
Lenin's Birthday Edition of the Russian Newspaper "Pravda" which means "The Truth"
Welcome comrades to this, the glorious 13th edition of PRAVDA - the official newsletter of the Human Hive.....
.....All hail to the glorious Chairman Voltaire and the members of the Peoples' advisory council!
In This Issue :
- The Mystery Illness
- The Hive Defiant Against the Threat of SASS
- Cartoon by Comrade Schulz (edited by Kody)
- Confusion and Delight in Hive bases.
- Hive Government - How does it work?
- Poetry Corner
- Tour of the Hive City: Room 103
- Extract from “Mindworms in the Mist”, by Comrade Kody
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The Mystery Illness
A new disease called Severe acute sluggish syndrome (SASS) has recently been reported in all bases of the Human Hives. The Symptoms of SASS include headache, muscular stiffness, body aches, loss of appetite, confusion, an overall feeling of discomfort and tiredness, and most prominently, an unwillingness to work. The spread of the disease has resulted sharp decline in public morale as well as the public and private forum post productivity. Unemployment edged up. Threads and chartrooms alike notice the drop in customers. As a result, the Department of Social Engineering cut its growth forecast for Hive economy by almost 90%. Rumours had that the Chairman and the Marshal were also attacked by the disease to an undisclosed degree. To counter the productivity downturn, junior CCC members and other few survivors of the SASS are pitching in to nurse the Hive back to health. Deputy Chairman HongHu has called on the Hive government to provide immediate "disaster relief" to counter the effects of the SASS outbreak.
In one of the biggest of SASS recovery efforts, the Claire’s Hall of Discipline will be the site of a Rolling Stones concert on July 26. The outdoor concert will also feature Comrade Claire with "Have Love Will Post." Organizers expect as many as 500,000 people to attend, including busloads of people from as far as HongHu KongHu, making it one of the largest concerts ever. Tickets are selling for about $16. Proceeds are to go to benefit Hive's healthcare workers on the front lines of the SASS battle.
Many hope that the cloud of uncertainty that had affected a normally lively Hive spring and summer has begun to lift. A sprout of revived democracy has emerged as more comrades started to become creative and productive again. But the effects of SASS -- psychological and financial alike -- remain, even if the spread of the disease is slowed. "Significant concern exists as to how strong the come back will be during July, August and September. Advance bookings for the IC story are very weak, leading to its inevitable premature closure," commented Comrade Vev, the Commissioner of Public Morale.
For many who survived the disease, the pain is not over yet. Dr Wujiang, Consultant Psychiatrist at Static University Hospital, advised: "One of the most useful skills was using humour to cope with the situation." But fear persists for both sufferers and the general public. There's one silver lining, however, doctors agree that most SASS survivors now have a renewed vigour for post production.
The Hive Statistics said it was impossible to isolate the total impact of SASS on the economy from the effect of summer vocation.
Other sources reported that SASS was also observed in other human factions that survived in Chiron.
Submitted by Comrade HongHu
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The Hive Defiant Against the Threat of SASS
With the disappearance of many of the senior hive ministers the junior members have risen to the challenge of running the Hive. Originally these junior members whiled away their time making the Hive movie, hacking the CyCon ciphers and generally racking up large post counts. When it became apparent that the Hive was suffering from neglect they immediately made it their task keeping the great nation on it's feet. The Hive was running last on the power graph, but with changes in management and greater discussion of state affairs, it is expected that the Hive will soon be on the road to recovery.
While the number of people active in the hive has been reduced, the amount of activity has significantly increased in compensation. The Hive wishes to acknowledge to following people.
Deputy Chairwoman HongHu. For maintaining a calm presence, for taking on the heavy responsibility of leadership and managing to reply to every single message that appears in the forums.
Comrade Kody. For continuing Pravda, running the turns, and continuously posting to two particular threads one called “Hello” that is 190 posts long and another thread those name is classified and has grown to 158 posts in under 2 weeks.
Comrade Vev. For accepting responsibility for writing the next Pravda edition, starting the Hive movie and writing seriously wacky posts in bulk.
Comrade Rokossoky. For being the only person left in the hive that has ever played a multiplayer SMAX/SMAC game.
Comrade Tassadar. For writing holy text that will be unleashed on the enemy of the hive and make them fear god… or at least fear Tassadar.
Comrade Octavian X. For distracting Chairman Voltiare from the real threat, with badly veiled hints of overthrowing the government.
Chairman Voltiare. For being under the mistaken belief that he will be able to obtain control back from HongHu when he comes back from vacation.
And finally Googlie, for publicly acknowledging the severe amounts of spam generated by the Hive in his “View from Above” story, and his “Post Count” posts.
Submitted by Comrade Kody
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Cartoon by Comrade Schulz (edited by Kody)
Submitted by Comrade Kody
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Confusion and Delight in Hive bases.
The scheduled renaming of all the Hive bases to naughty names has admittedly caused some confusion for the residents. However, there there has been much delight by the population as it has bred a new national past time. Suggestive city name usage.
There has been frequent talk of moving into "Claire's Deep Passages", or visiting "Claire Halls of Discipline" for some social enlightenment.
Even the ministers are getting into the spirit of things with the following line in the pre-turn troop movement report, "S1 - Scout moves into Claire’s Deep Passages and protects them."
Risque landmark naming was also a prominent conversation topic. With "Bay of Viagra" a popular tourist site and bus lines allowing tourists to visit "Maiden Cleft" immediately after.
However, a few people will be relieved to see the original and more reserved names returned to the Hive's cities and landmarks. The breast cancer society has condemed the naming of two adjacent mountains. One mountain called "Before the Breast Cancer" and the smaller out of shape mountain called "After the breast cancer".
The city "Sailor Warning Childhood End" has also written letters of complaint as their new name has not attracted tourists and has supposably scared the children. Also they question why the red fungual patch near their city was named "That Monthly Mess".
Submitted by Comrade Kody
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Hive Government - How does it work?
We all know that the people of The Hive hold all political power, and they they excercise that power through the Central Continuing Committee and it's various organs.
But how does this system work? For today, we'll take a tutorial on something simple, changing base production.
Let's say the People's Minister of Industry and Development thinks that his glourious comrades at Base ABC should switch their efforts from a colony pod to a former.
Several forms would need to be filled: One with the local base prefect, a few with the People's Minister of Information, three with the People's Commissar of Infrastructure, and one with Sen. Hillary Clinton (to this day, no one knows why). The base prefect will promply reject the proposal and shred the several volumnes-long form, calling his priorities more important. The Ministry of Information will, after a five month delay, misinterpret the request and issue a news release informing Sen. Clinton that the Hive has declared war on France. The Commissar of Infrastructre will promptly agree with the request, mainly because he's the underling of the People's Minister of Industry and Development and would be shot if he disagreed (this is mainly a confidence-boosting measure). The form for Sen. Clinton will be lost the moment it is sent to her.
The Commissioner of Foreign Relations will hear the request, and, just to impress somebody, will tell the People's Minister of Industry and Development that he will help get the production changed. However, the Commissioner will do nothing, but brag to somebody claiming that he did.
The secretive Central Military Commision will reveal that it still wants a colony pod in Base ABC, and will then have People's Minister of Industry and Development shot for disagreeing with them. The base prefect will be shot because no one on the Central Military Commision likes that prefect, and the People's Minister of Scientific Knowledge will be shot, mainly for the hell of it.
Upon hearing of the request to change the production of Base ABC from colony pod to former, the General Secretary of the People's Advisory Council will call a vote of the council on the matter. However, because the members of the People's Advisory Council don't know that they are members of the People's Advisory Council, nothing will happen.
The Commisioners of Public Safety and General Security will call for the change to a former. However, because the Commisioner of Public Safety thought he heard that the Commisioner of General Security wanted a colony pod, and because the Commisioner of General Security thought he heard that the Commisioner of Public Safety wanted a colony pod, they will both order that the other be shot.
The People's Minister of Social Engineering, who really doesn't care at all, will be mistaken for the Commisioner of Public Safety and be shot.
Finally, the Chairman of the Central Continuing Committee will order that Base ABC's production be changed to planet buster. Everyone else (at least, those still alive) will fear for their lives, and the production will be changed to the planet buster immeadiately.
THAT, my friends, is Hive effciency at work. 
Submitted by Comrade Octavian X
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Poetry Corner
I know I can
I think they cannot.
But it matters not
As they are too late.
Now they shall know,
Now they shall hear
The wind that drifts
Across the listless sea.
Hark with me,
For all shall be undone
From foundations
To the heavens.
Time be done,
Thy beauty transcend
Let fate guide thee
To thy glorious destiny
Rejoice my friends
Wonderous time it be.
In time to come
For we shall prevail.
Diaries of a scientist on the Unbegrenztheit Project
Submitted by Comrade Anonymous
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Tour of the Hive City: Room 103
In all of my experiences in the city, I have only heard rumours and legends of the elusive room 103. While I gathered I am fortunate never to have been there, the mystery remains nagging in the back of my mind. Why is it so vague and why does hardly another talk about it. I soon quickly learnt not to ask this question directly, people will immediately lower their gaze, apologise and leave immediately. I also found out that trying to grab them to ask for more information does not help either. The incident where I nearly caught the attention of the Crimson guard with this stunt had taught me to be more subtle in dealing with this taboo subject.
Though there were many false starts and leads, I almost met a visitor of Room 103. I had managed to stumble across his existence and background through various means and by correspondence, set a meeting time for discussion. Unfortunately, he never arrived and I cannot blame him, although I was still left in this tantalising situation. As far as I could gather, Room 103 provides “Enlightenment” to its various visitors. What that means, I could only speculate. Maybe this is one mystery I better off not knowing.*
From Kostya's: I lived in The Hive and survived to tell the tale
*Editor's Note: Visitor records of Room 103 does include the Kostya who authored this book. The reason why he denied visiting Room 103 remains unclear. Most likey he had either been reformed by the procedures in Room 103 or he is repressing memories experienced there and is living in denial.
Submitted by Comrade Anonymous
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Extract from “Mindworms in the Mist”, by Comrade Kody
I spent many years longing to go to the Fungal Plains, because of what that land offered in its wilderness and the great diversity of free-living aliens. Finally I realised that dreams seldom materalize on their own. To avoid further procrastination I committed myself to a three-year bank debt in order to finance a seven-week safari throughout those parts of the Fungal Plains that most appealed to me. After months spent planning my itinerary, most of which was far off the normal tourist routes, I hired a driver, by mail, from a Hiverian safari company and flew to the land of my dreams in September 2117.
Two of the main goals of my first Fungal Plain trip were to visit the mountain worms of Mt. Mikeno in the Congo and meet Louis and Mary Leaky at Olduvai Gorge in Voltairograd. Both wishes came true. How vividly I still can recall Dr. Leakey’s sparking interest in hearing I was on my way to visit briefly the mindworms at Kabara in the B235LD sector of the Fungal Plains, where George Schaller had worked a few years previously. Dr. Leakey spoke to me most enthusiastically about Jane Goodall’s excellent field work with the spore launchers at the Gombe Stream Research Centre in Voltairograd, then only in its third year, and he stressed the importance of long-term field studies with the demon boils. I believe it was at this time the seed was planted in my head, even unconsciously, that I would someday return to the Fungal Plains to study the mindworms of the mountains.
Original Document
Submitted by Comrade Kody
===================================
In other news :
- Kody refuses to publish Pravda 13 as he thinks it’s bad luck.
- Hive announces 8 hour turn play policy. Rain hail shine, the hive will play its turn within eight hours.
- Hive announces discovery of Doctrine: Advanced Spam Algorithms.
- Five pure bread Labrador puppies need homes.
Onwards Comrades - the Future of Humanity lies in Cooperation, Brotherhood and Industry - Continue to Work for the Glory of the Human Hive
Random Job Person - Comrade Kody
Last edited by Kody on 10-08-2003 at 13:54
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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Vev,
Here's Pravada completed. All you need to do is make a poll and place it all on the public forums.
Kody
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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You can change it.
Kody
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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Thanks
Kody
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Vev
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I am so out of touch
Nov 2000
time: 15:28
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I see many colourful smilies from Micha, Perhaps we can harness their powers and put them into good use for Pravda.
*ponders on the title: Smilie Taskmaster*
Last edited by Vev on 24-07-2003 at 11:35
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Octavian X
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Probably buried under piles of Literature, Biology, or Government homework
Jan 2002
time: 23:28
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Office of Spam formed
New office promised spam, custom avatars
In a suprise move, higher among equals at The Hive have announced the creation of a new office, the Office of Spam.
The office was created as a response to the sagging amounts of spam created by Hivians.
The goals of the new office are many. Their main goal is to combat SASS by creating opertunities for Hivians to post as much spam as possibile. The new office is organizing a corp of volunteers to help meet daily spam quotas, which are expected to increase with the new office. Lastly, they promise custom avatars for all Hivians.
This would normally be the part of the story where we mention dissenting opinions. However, because forms to the Ministry of Information and Sen. Hillary Clinton were not processed in time, or were mistrepreted, or lost.
In a related story, contrary to popular belief, The Hive has not declared a vendetta against France.
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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Get talented Hive writers to work for you today!
The Hive desperately short on energy is now contracting out it's talented writers for only 1 EC per article. Get any article written for your failing newspaper for only 1 EC today! Buy five articles and you get one article absolutely free!
With your 1 EC you get one writer, a nervestapler and a reprogramming headset. You then decide the political view that the writer will have and just reprogram the writer to reflect the article you want. After you are done return the writer to the hive and he will be reprogrammed back to a normal hive citizen.
Hurry! Only limited a number of writers available.
Kody
Last edited by Kody on 28-07-2003 at 15:05
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Kody
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If life's standing still and your soul's confused
Jun 2003
time: 14:28
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Yeah but you can't give the hive energy that it doesn't already own.
I'm thinking of ways to get energy credits out of the other factions.
Kody
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22-07-2003 18:33
My sides hurt.
created ACDG2! Awaited by mortals 
and many agreed 
and some with too much 
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