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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:31
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Forward: I can't believe this thread almost sunk off the first page!
Anyway, this article is in 4 parts, which I have creatively called "sections". I will post each section in a different post to ensure optimization of spamminess. Please be patient as I have to wait 30 seconds between posts!  
Section 1: Hello
Worthless posts, pop-ups, emails, and other plainly ridiculous internet oriented material is generally revered to as spam. In recent years spam has elevated into an art form thanks to the many organizations, training modules, and documents dedicated to bettering of spam. While taken lightly by most, others find spam to be humoros, enjoyable, and sometimes downright annoying. This article will focus mainly on the art of spamming a thread on a message board. There are too many notable spammers (or people who spam) to mention, but the following examples have been taken without permission or concern for their unprotected SpamArt…
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:31
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Section 2: Identifying Spam
Spam is something that can be easily confused with trolls, threadjacks, or flames to the untrained eye. Yet, in all it’s beauty, once one realizes that what they are reading is the non-reclusive spam post the generally become annoyed, confused, and flustered, except for those who appreciate the art.
Spam is different from the other forms of clutter we generally see on message boards and forums in that spam is completely worthless. Take this quote from aneeshm:
quote:
Come on spammers , you can do better than that . |
This is not spam. Rather this is a troll encouraging would be spammers to spam.
quote:
In fact, I wager that Skanky Burns is responsible for this asteroid that will come frightenly close to Earth in 2014. |
This quote by MrFun (a notorious spammer in his own right) is also not spam. It is what we call a Flame. An out right attack on a fellow poster accusing a one “Skanky Burns” of being able to control the gravitational forces of the universe. Nice try MrFun, but you have fallen short.
Q Cubed posted:
quote:
PRC's ok since they like coke over there. |
This was a successful spam. Despite his attempt to threadjack the thread, turning this thread – as in many other threads – into a battle between the two softdrinks known as Coke and Pepsi. Yet, since everyone has Q Cubed on “ignore” his post has become, effectively, spam.
Some of the most spectacular displays of spam can be found on “locked” threads, or threads that have been closed due to spam. My favorite place to sit and marvel at spam is on the Apoloyton Forum called “Apolyton/Community” where such spam as
quote:
It means 1+1=spam fest[quote]
By Nikolai, and
[quote] 1+1 = -200 |
By Ben Kenobi. These types of posts, called “+1’s” are prolific in this forum and some of the most often forms of spam encountered.
One can also see the infamous final question:
quote:
this is still open? |
By Ecthelion, a true master in this art.
Other good examples of spam can be found through out Apolyton by great artists such as SlowwHand, Park Avenue (formerly Boddingtons), Frozzy, Fez, and countless others.
One last comment on recognizing spam. Comments such as:
Does not count as spam. Why? Because it was posted by rah, a moderator, and nothing a moderator posts is spam. Why? We don’t know, but the general consensus is it has to do with the mods being little men who enjoy bossing everyone else around by threating spammers with bans, PCRs, and vacations to imaginary destinations. Whatever the reason, we are sure there are bananas involved.
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:31
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Section 3: Constructing The Perfect Spam
A subtle art, spam, requires patience, timing, and complete lack of any formed opinion, but the tenacity to say something anyway. Many of the greats are losers, loners, Texans or just alcoholics that have nothing else to do with their time but waste space. That is why most spammers follow a tedious work out exercise to clear the mind of any thought. A general work out regimine is given below:
1. Post on Forum for three days straight without a single spam, get all your opinions out of you before proceeding with constructing your art.
2. Play mindless video games when not posting. Some good games to play include Pong, Warioworld, Doom, or any game by Blizzard.
3. Drink a lot of alcohol and argue with Sava over the legitimacy of social reform. Note; some like to argue with Che about communism, or with Ben about religion.
4. Once this is accomplished play some really relaxing music by a talentless hack such as KennyG or John Tesh (you might have to raid your parents collection to find these seemingly unknown artists).
5. Spam away.
If you follow these guidelines you will most certainly produce some spectacular spam for us all to enjoy. Just don’t spam too often, or you will find yourself with “literally” nothing to do.
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:31
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Section : The Spam Song
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spammity spam!
Spa – spam spam spam…
[chours]
Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam, spam spam
Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam, spam spam
Spam!
Spam.
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spammity spam!
[chours]
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spammity spam!
[bridge]
spam
[repat verse 1]
Last edited by Japher on 04-10-2003 at 00:43
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03-10-2003 19:53
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