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Oerdin
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of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:31
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Orange: Most of the time when a girl says things like "I want us to break up so I can get my head on straight" or stuff like that she really just wants out and this is the easiest way for her to break the news.
Last edited by Oerdin on 03-10-2003 at 21:00
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Dr Strangelove
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I think I've already aired the story about my worst experience ever, since everybody got sick I don't think I'll do it again.
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Lorizael
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The Cult Wins
Sep 2001
time: 00:31
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I developed an obsession for a girl I hardly knew and pined after her for two years. My behavior then was almost criminal, and it makes me sick to think that I did what I did.
Then, though I didn't know it at the time, I displaced by obsession onto another girl. The ultimate cliche occurred and my bestfriend fell for her as well. Our friendship slowly disintegrated and eventually I ended it, permanently, online. Later I realized there was more wrong with the relationship, but then I was unaware of that fact.
The summer after I lost my bestfriend was the worst summer of my life.
Then I got together with someone totally unrelated to either of the two girls and developed a great relationship. The relationship started going bad during the next summer when my girlfriend became incredibly busy and absent.
So I fell for another girl and hid the fact from my girlfriend. This girl happened to be my former's bestfriend's little sister's former bestfriend.
When my girlfriend found out it was truly terrible, and our relationship barely survived.
Then the new girl became my bestfriend. After a long time, with the consent of my girlfriend, we began dating. It lasted a week. So I was back with my original girlfriend.
Then I found out that my girlfriend fingered my bestfriend/girl I'd fallen for. That was upsetting (but she wasn't cheating on me, we didn't have an exclusive relationship or anything (which reminds me of the time when my girlfriend, while drunk, gave head to a friend of sixteen years while I was "asleep" like five feet away. that hurt too)).
And then several days ago I had a long and honest conversation with my bestfriend. I told her that I now had the ability (I'd been doing a lot of meditating and soul searching lately) to erase my attraction for her. I asked her if it was the right thing to do. She told me that she didn't know how she felt about me because she wouldn't let herself think about it. Sometimes she wonders why she isn't with me. She thinks we have something truly unique and special, and that, for lack of a better term, we're soulmates. She also said that we're basically already together because we do everything with each other and people mistake us for a couple on a regular basis, but that we don't do anything remotely romantic or sexual.
The conclusion was that absolutes were bad, and that I should try to manage the attraction instead of getting rid of it.
I told my girlfriend this, and she freaked out. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't get rid of the attraction if I had the chance. So I've decided that I am going to get rid of it for the sake of my relationship.
I've had a lot of painful things happen to me with regards to girls. In fact, something else happened that's probably worse than all of this, but I don't have the strength to talk about it right now.
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Sikander
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Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Jan 2000
time: 22:31
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My first serious relationship started in my senior year of high school. I had already moved out of the house and was living in a large house with a bunch of college students. In the middle of the year a new girl moved into the house. She was beautiful and intelligent, and we hit it off immediately, first as friends. She was instantly the sexual / romantic goal of every guy in the house, and we were fast friends. She was 22 years old, or four years older than me.
We spent a lot of time together, and though I had a huge crush on her I didn't hold out a lot of hope that I, a skinny high schooler could compete with all of those college guys for her attentions. But one Friday night she invited me to her room and got me (and herself) very drunk and seduced me. I was in heaven, even though she seemed to feel a bit guilty about it all the next day. She wanted to keep everything a secret, and though I wanted to take out newspaper ads describing how great I felt, I agreed to keep things quiet. We would sneak around and have sex every couple of days, and pretend that nothing was happening. Finally someone overheard us or caught us in the act and the secret was out. We both got teased a bit about it, but I was happier to have things out in the open.
By my first year of college we were living together and very serious. We talked about marriage and got "engaged to be engaged". In the late autumn of that year she got pregnant, but didn't tell me about it until she had an abortion. I knew that she had her demons. She had had an incestuous affair with her younger brother when she was in high school, and had been raped when she was in junior high. But things quickly took a turn for the worst. She was really struggling with her mental health, and dropped out of school. This was a big step, as she only had one year left to finish her engineering degree.
At the end of school for the semester she returned to her parents home. She got worked up by a psychiatrist and was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. She was admitted to a psychiatric facility and I didn't see or hear from her again for six months. I was crushed, especially when my mother (a physician) explained the realities of paranoid schizophrenia to me. No cure, gets progressively worse, and is a horror for the person suffering from it.
One day the next summer I was wallowing in my depression when I felt something strange. I was talking with some friends in a store and walked out in mid-sentence and ran straight into my girlfriend as she was walking down the sidewalk. We were both very happy to see one another. She was now an outpatient and had a place a couple of hours away. Her whole life was spent dealing with her disease in one way or another. She couldn't work. Despite all of this bad news we hooked up again, and in a sad way all of the things I felt for her were made clear to me. I was still crazy about her and didn't give a damn about the consequences. Part of the energy for this was no doubt my own belief that I didn't deserve love, and it was only the greatest celestial accident that allowed me to taste it. In any event we reestablished a relationship that went on for another two years.
I only saw her occasionally, perhaps once a month though we exchanged a lot of letters and phone calls. This was in large part because when she was really seeing a lot of halucinations etc. she would simply refuse to see me. What I saw of her was her at her best. By this time I had chucked thinking about the future out of the window. I only felt and acted. Her delusions were getting really bad, including awful ones about me. She had tried to kill herself 3 times already. One time I visited her and she showed me how she had cut herself with broken glass on her arms and legs. A lot. It was very difficult to see this stuff. She saw how this affected me and wanted to break off the relationship. I was stubborn and didn't want to give her up.
After two years of this suffering, she moved to Florida where her parents now lived in order that they could keep an eye on her. We finally broke up, though we remained in touch from time to time. I last heard from her about 17 years ago. She had wanted to kill her parents (by poisoning) for some delusional reason, thought better of it and instead tried to kill herself again. The coast guard found her miles out at sea still swimming away from the coast. (She was always an amazing athlete.) The last communication I received from her was in response to as cheerful and positive a letter that I could compose under the circumstances. She was so depressed I could barely make out the writing. She was so delusional that the letter really made very little sense, other than she was in great pain and wanted to die.
I finally hit the wall and gave up, mostly out of self-preservation I guess, though it was years late really. She no longer resembled the person that I fell in love with I told myself, and I had every right to let go. Objectively I believe that, but even now after all of these years I feel guilty for giving up on her.
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03-10-2003 01:46
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