11-11-2003 06:24									#61
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed sure! turn them into pod people and use 'em as batteries until they reach maturity.

ah, a matrix fan!

	11-11-2003 07:45									#62
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well, sorta.

i mean, you could let 'em out of their pod and see if they behave during their teenage years. you could easily keep them in line by telling them that if they don't make curfew, you're going to stick 'em back in the pod and turn them into soylent green.

	11-11-2003 07:54									#63
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quote: Originally posted by Drogue Does being unmarried make my opinion obsolete?

Yes

	11-11-2003 07:56									#64
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well, no, i don't think it makes his opinion obsolete.

irrelevant, maybe, but not obsolete...

	11-11-2003 07:58									#65
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irrelevant was the word I had in mind too

	11-11-2003 10:41									#66
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

I've been married ten+ years, but feel totally unfit to advise.

	11-11-2003 17:30									#67
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

your avatar looks like it's from a game roughly that old.

	11-11-2003 17:55									#68
	Got spare money?

My best college friend always said that he knew when he'd found a really good friend when he could hang out with them and just shut the hell up for a while and just be there without there being any akward silences and this is coming from a guy with one of the biggest mouths I've ever seen.

I think the same sort of thing really applies to relationships, if you're always having to dig for stuff to say to fill up silences you're not there yet. More broadly if when you're with them you get more stressed because you have to worry about presenting yourself in a positive light, stage-managing conversation, wondering what the hell they are thinking, trying to worm your way out of mind games, wondering if its been too long since you've bought her something etc. etc. then something isn't right, if you like you just took a good shot of tranquilizer whenever you see them because you know that when you're with them all the **** that makes life a pain in the ass doesn't matter when they're around, then you're really on to something.

I guess the term for this is "high maintenance" and "low maintenance" people. I don't think I could have a functional relationship with anyone who's high maintenance since I'm too laid-back and there's too many things I really don't give a **** about. But it goes beyond that too, since if something is just low maintenance because they're really submissive and never express any opinions, then that's not what you want either.

	13-11-2003 10:06									#69
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Q, that's because she hasn't let me play any computer games since then.

	13-11-2003 17:27									#70
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yeah, i'm hoping to marry a female gamer, so she'll understand.

	13-11-2003 18:22									#71
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Married only once, at 24, my experience in chosing a wife cannot illustrate any theory. But what made our union really strong were three points :
- reciprocal respect
- no decision of some significance ever made without the approval of the other
- total commitment (courage, intelligence and energy) in any fight against adverse events.

Unfortunately this can only be discovered over the years.

	13-11-2003 18:40									#72
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quote: Originally posted by rah Look for a friend. One you can share with.

Yeah, like that. If you're serious about a permanent relationship, this woman should be your friend, preferably your best friend.

I come down on the "soulmate" side of this. Your relationship needs dimension and depth. There will be disagreements of course, but with a good mate they will be well and truly resolved. Avoidance only builds resentment and makes things worse later.

Be yourself. It's the real you :scary: she needs to love. You don't want to go through life trying to maintain a false persona.

A life well lived is a challenge, but ultimately rewarding.

(married 16 yrs, all good)

	14-11-2003 12:41									#73
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From my earlier comment, I agree with all the soulmate ideas, but my comments and the others of a similar vein are germane in choosing a mate. Find out how well she communicates, negotiates, and compromises. Unless she is your clone, even a soulmate will disagree with you at times.

Does she blame you when things go wrong, or look at how it happened so the two of you don't get in a disagreement again (problem solving, wonderful trait)? Look at her traits, and imagine her when things aren't going well. If she's a soulmate but isn't very good at any of communication and resolving problems, you still have problems. By the way, you need to do a self-inventory. If you have these problems, maybe you need to do some internal seaching before you get married.