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self biased
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Yggdrasil.
Nov 1999
time: 00:32
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Something Positive
quote:
"I truly am humbled to achieve this great award. Not many whiners get their efforts in whinery recognized, and even fewer get their efforts recognized with a picture of a golden Stalin represented in a webcomic of medium popularity. And even more remarkable is that I achieved this award with the first whine I've ever sent anywhere, or at least almost the first. Thank you! Thank you!
(At this point I'd like to remark that this in no way diminished my respect for Something Positive, which continues to be funny and insightful webcomic that doesn't suffer fools like me gladly)
Whining. The oldest profession. Of course, some may claim that prostitution was the oldest profession, but we all know what must have been the first conversation had before prostitution was invented.
"Og want sex."
"Og not get sex."
"Og want sex."
"Og not get sex."
"Og waaaaaaaaaant seeeeeeeeeex."
"Ogma give Og sex if Og give Ogma great cat pelt."
"Woo hoo!"
Of course, after that, the profession of whining has advanced in great strides. We can humbly recognize the great efforts that movements like the anti-flag burning whining movement and "political correctness" whining movement. These movements and others have gone above and beyond the call of duty in whining about inconsequential issues that only a true ideologue could give a **** about and achieving change with their incessant petulance.
Of course, that doesn't interest me. Whining about the abortion issue? That's not important - I'm not a fetus that can be murdered or a woman whose womb may be nationalized for the Christian Right. Whining about the war on terror is even less interesting - either Bush bombs a number of foreign babies into oblivion or their own tyrannical leaders kill them for being of wrong faith, big deeeaaal! No-one's going to bomb me here.
Whining about a misanthropic webcomic talking about Cthulhu. Now we're talking.
So I'm a little bored and a bit silly, and so I decide to e-mail the author about how trite and geeky all those Cthulhu references that webcomics resort to when they're all out of irrelevant guest appearances and Penny Arcade parodies are. I don't even read Lovecraft! But still, that's all it takes to get a Golden Stalin! I am humbled, yet pleased. Remember, all - you, too, can reach for the stars, go for your dreams, whine up a storm, and your efforts will be rewarded!
Stalin didn't take no guff. If someone whined about that Ukrainian famine or show trials he organized, Stalin didn't dither around - he ****ing charged the whiner's ass and threw him in the Gulag. And that makes Stalin such a symbol for whining. For it is he who reminds us that we all live in a country (well, you live in United States and I live in Finland) that gives us far too many freedoms. Like the freedom to whine. And the freedom to be the kind of a goddamn idiot who gives a crap about the use of Cthulhu in webcomics.
So I accept this award! May it always remind me of the time I got my place in the sun! The day I got burned! Thank you! Thank you! Cthulhu bless you and Cthulhu bless America! I fake pride because it masks the hurting! Etc. |
way to go, stefu. you earned it. 
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13-11-2003 14:47
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