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lord of the mark
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FUKCOV - Former United Kingdom Colony of Virginia
Dec 2000
time: 00:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Whaleboy
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "no".
The duck stops for a second and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "No, this is a bar, we have no bread"
The duck looks around and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, looking a bit irritated says "No, we have no bread"
The duck looks curious and says "Have you got any bread?"
The barman, his face red says "NO, WE HAVE NO BREAD, IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOU FVCKING BEAK TO THE WALL!!!"
The duck looks at him for a second and says "Have you got any nails?"
The barman says "No"
The duck pauses and says "Have you got any bread?" |
Obviously the duck wanted to say motzi and make shabbos. He went to a bar cause he knew theyd have wine, but wanted to make sure theyd also have bread. Smart little critter.
BTW, whaleboy, how are you?
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Boris Godunov
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Portland, OR
Aug 2001
time: 00:32
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Hi honey, this is Daddy... Is your Mummy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy right now."
"Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks. "Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the stairs and she's not moving any more."
"Oh no...and what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool....but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either."
(Long pause)
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 597-7039?"
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
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a taliban general was marching with his best elite troops, when from around the hill he's passing he hears a whisper:
1 american soldier can beat 10 taliban!
angered, he sends 10 of his best men to kill that voice. there are sounds of battle, screams, and then silence. the general then hears:
1 american soldier can beat 100 taliban!
furious now, he sends 100 of his best men to kill that voice. again there are sounds of battle, more screams, and then an eerie silence. once again, a voice comes from the other side of the hill:
1 american soldier can kill 1000 taliban!
absolutely incensed, the general sends 1000 of his best men to deal with that voice once and for all. there's a great cacophany of noise, gunfire, screams, and explosions. he then hears:
1 american soldier can beat 10000 taliban soldiers!
being pretty pissed off, he gathers all 10000 of his remaining troops and decides to personally lead them in battle.
as he is about to go around the hill, he sees one of his previous soldiers barely crawling out around the bend. the soldier gasps:
don't do it! there are two of them!
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All times are GMT. The time now is 05:32.
Apolyton Time is 00:32. |
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27-11-2003 01:47
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