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Vesayen is offline Vesayen
Chieftain

Mar 2002
time: 00:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 21:48
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&quot;Desperate Diners Attack Trapped Fat Lady With Plastic Forks&quot; Enter the AD-FREE zone

http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/e...6908120003.html




Desperate Diners Attack Trapped Fat Lady With Plastic Forks
Monday November 17, 2003

A FAT WOMAN who got stuck in a restaurant doorway was prodded with forks wielded by her angry fellow diners.

Cops say the woman "squealed and suffered horribly" as a wild-eyed mob jabbed her and hurled cruel insults, including calling her names like "Miss Piggy" and "tub of lard" and taunting her with the childhood rhyme, "Fatty, fatty, two by four, can't get through the bathroom door . . ."

"This unfortunate woman was poked and stabbed at least 200 times and maybe even more," says a Chicago police spokesman, adding that he is both embarrassed and saddened by the insensitivity of his fellow Chicagoans.

"The forks were plastic," he says, "but they still managed to inflict a lot of damage. Doctors later told me the victim looked like a pincushion."

"Basically these people were upset that they couldn't use the rest rooms. The woman was trapped in a doorway that leads to both the men's and ladies' toilets."

The 647-pound woman -- whose name Weekly World News editors are withholding to spare her any further embarrassment -- "was in great distress before she was freed," notes the cop, who says the ugly incident unfolded in a popular barbecue restaurant known, ironically, for its Southern-style hospitality.

"The victim was squealing and crying in pain, not to mention being humiliated, when police and firefighters arrived to help her. They estimate that as many as 40 men and women had taken turns poking her with their forks."

Firefighters cut and pried the by-then exhausted woman free with saws, crowbars and the Jaws of Life, a special tool usually reserved for ripping open car doors to free passengers trapped in wreckage.

She was taken to a hospital where she was treated for puncture wounds, shock and dehydration. Getting through the restaurant's main door was no problem.

In the words of the police spokesman, "It was a double door."

The restaurant's manager says the doorway leading to the rest rooms was "normal size," but in a nod to political correctness after the fact, commented that the woman "had an alternative body image and unfortunately got wedged as she tried to go through."

Cops say her assailants will almost certainly face assault and battery charges after investigators pore over videotape taken from the restaurant's security cameras to help them identify everyone who participated in the bizarre attack.

"When I realized I was stuck I got scared and starting yelling, 'Help! Help me!' " the woman said in a brief interview attended by her attorney. "A server tried to push me through but she couldn't."

"Everything went downhill from there. A man started yelling at me to get out of the way so he could go to the bathroom. Then I heard a woman cursing at me and calling me names like 'fat a--' and 'Miss Piggy.' It was awful."

"And then I felt the forks. They poked me over and over and over and over again. I remember sobbing and yelling at them, 'Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why?'"

An eyewitness who claims to have tried to calm the angry customers confirms the woman's story.

"Thank goodness I had my cell phone. If I hadn't called for help, the fat lady might have been poked and prodded to death."

The victim, 41, says she's planning to sue the restaurant and its patrons for actual and punitive damages in excess of $20,000.

Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 21:55 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

647 pounds?

DinoDoc is offline DinoDoc
Emperor
AECCP loves Democracy
Sep 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 21:59
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Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote:
Originally posted by Q Cubed
647 pounds?
Weekly World News. No more needs to be said other than the fact this wasn't as amusing as some of the others they've done.

Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 22:26 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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ah. ^^;

i didn't notice it was the weekly world news.

i remember a crazy friend of mine kept wondering if your head could explode playing chess because wwn ran a story on it.

Boris Godunov is offline Boris Godunov
King
Portland, OR
Aug 2001
time: 00:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 22:30
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If it's true, what a shockingly awful way to behave to another human being. I don't care how large the woman is--her embarrassment at being stuck was bad enough. These people behaved like animals. Or worse.

Although, it does underscore my point in the restroom thread about the primacy people devote to using the toilet...

Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 22:32 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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647 pounds...

i didn't know human legs could support that much weight.

General Ludd is offline General Ludd
Emperor
Minion of the Dominion
Aug 2001
time: 05:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 22:45
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Enter the AD-FREE zone

I so want to believe this is true. The irony and shear bizzarness of it all is great.

It's like smoething out of the twilight zone.

chegitz guevara is offline chegitz guevara
King
Ft. Lauderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Jun 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 10-12-2003 23:54 Visit chegitz guevara's homepage!
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Got spare money?

I thought 'Polytoners weer smart enough to recongize a Weekly World News headline when they saw one. I didn't even have to see the name of the paper in the article to know it was WWN. Silly people.

Ben Kenobi is offline Ben Kenobi
Emperor
McGregornobi!
Oct 2002
time: 21:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 00:01
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I used to have an Astronomy prof who would start his classes off with the Weekly World News, to show us WHY they were so wrong.

chegitz guevara is offline chegitz guevara
King
Ft. Lauderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Jun 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 00:06 Visit chegitz guevara's homepage!
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WWN is hilarious. I love reading the headlines (the stories usually don't match the headlines in hilarity).

Sava is offline Sava
King
GO GO GO!
Mar 2001
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 00:26
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Imran Siddiqui is offline Imran Siddiqui

Deity
The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 00:46
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And Floyd wants access to restrooms to be optional for employees...

Sava is offline Sava
King
GO GO GO!
Mar 2001
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 00:55
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quote:
Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
And Floyd wants access to restrooms to be optional for employees...
Floyd has a lot of nutty ideas

Boris Godunov is offline Boris Godunov
King
Portland, OR
Aug 2001
time: 00:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:04
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quote:
Originally posted by chegitz guevara
I thought 'Polytoners weer smart enough to recongize a Weekly World News headline when they saw one. I didn't even have to see the name of the paper in the article to know it was WWN. Silly people.


First, I did say "if true," hedging my bets because of the WWN.

Second, it's because the story was picked up by another news source that I am more inclined to believe it, if only slightly. WWN may be sensationalistic and full of a lot of crap, but they also report true strange occurances. Entertainment is entertainment.

chegitz guevara is offline chegitz guevara
King
Ft. Lauderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Jun 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:20 Visit chegitz guevara's homepage!
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quote:
Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Second, it's because the story was picked up by another news source that I am more inclined to believe it, if only slightly.


You didn't even click on the link, did you.

Everyone, point and laugh at Boris and Q3


Sava is offline Sava
King
GO GO GO!
Mar 2001
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:22
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@ Boris

Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:33 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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well, yeah, i guess it sucks to not really read carefully. i didn't notice that it said weekly world news at all.

Oerdin is offline Oerdin
King
of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:35
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quote:

In the words of the police spokesman, "It was a double door."


She got caught in a double door?!!

That fat ***** must have been at least five feet wide!

ixnay is offline ixnay
ACS Staff: 'RoN' Content Editor
I <3 etna, omg disgaea fag
Jan 1970
time: 22:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:37 Visit ixnay<br><img src=/forums/images/staff-icon.gif>'s homepage!
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quote:
Originally posted by chegitz guevara
WWN is hilarious. I love reading the headlines (the stories usually don't match the headlines in hilarity).


Agreed.

Attachment: wwn.jpg
This has been downloaded 52 time(s).

Colon is offline Colon
Emperor
Antwerp, Colon's Chocolate Canard Country
Jan 1970
time: 06:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:40
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Funnily enough, I feel this story is more believable than that other one about the Tesla tank in Iraq. (which supposedly was a serious reportage)
Sometimes real life has more insanity in it than fiction you know.

chegitz guevara is offline chegitz guevara
King
Ft. Lauderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Jun 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 01:43 Visit chegitz guevara's homepage!
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Everyone point at Oerdin and laugh too, especially since he posted after it was proved this was a hoax.

Ben Kenobi is offline Ben Kenobi
Emperor
McGregornobi!
Oct 2002
time: 21:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 03:53
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* Ben Kenobi points and laughs at Boris.



Oerdin, read more carefully. The only reason she made it into the restaurant is because they had a double door.

mrmitchell is offline mrmitchell
King

Donate to the Red Cross

Sep 2002
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 03:55
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I liked the story about Saddam and Osama being gay lovers better

connorkimbro is offline connorkimbro
Emperor
Seoul Korea
Jan 1970
time: 23:32
  Old Post 11-12-2003 03:57
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quote:
She got caught in a double door?!!


No, she didn't get caught in a double door. She fit easily through the main door of the restaurant because "it was a double door."

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