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Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
Thumbs up  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:08 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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Libya admits to another attack! Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

http://www.deanesmay.com/archives/005809.html

quote:

Report: Libyans Admit Role in '85 Attack
IN STUNNING ADMISSION,
LIBYA ADMITS ROLE IN PLOT
ON SMALL CALIFORNIA TOWN
---------
AMERICAN OFFICIALS CONFIRM
---------

By TADD ARBUCKLE

HILL VALLEY, Calif. -- The Libyan Government has confirmed its role in a failed 1985 attack against the small town of Hill Valley, Calif., American and British intelligence officials said yesterday. While little noticed at the time, the attack left a local man hurt and caused extensive damage to a local key-duplication establishment.

The stunning admission comes as Colonel Muammar al-Qaddafi, the reclusive military dictator of that North African country, seeks to repair relations with the West. Intelligence officers who toured Libya's nuclear facilities said Libya had come closer to building a nuclear device than previously believed, but a top Libyan scientist revealed yesterday just how close they had come.

"We could have had a working nuclear bomb in 1987, 1988 at the latest," said Dr. Faisal ibn al-Khums, lead weapons scientist for Libya's covert nuclear program, "but all we got from that damned Yankee scientist was a bunch of scrap iron. Praise God, we took care of that infidel soon enough. But have you any idea how hard it is to build a working nuclear weapon? Years and years we worked, and all we managed to do was poison the water supply of a few outlying villages."

"By God, that set us back twenty years!" al-Khums added.

While little noticed at the time, federal authorities confirmed the attack had taken place in fall 1985 at the Twin Pines Mall, a large retail complex just outside of this small California enclave. While there are only two believed witnesses to what happened that autumn night, residents of the town who remembered the odd occurrences were stunned to learn of the Libyan gambit.

"God as my witness, I remember it like it was yesterday," said Jasper Michaels, the then-proprietor of the Keys-2-Heaven kiosk, which was located in Parking Lot C of the Twin Pines Mall. "I got up for work at eight in the morning, like I always do, and there was a minibus on top of my store."

"All I wanted was my own store, designing, replacing, and reworking keys for the good people of Hill Valley," Michaels said. "Do you know how long it took me to save the money to start it? Two years, man. Two years."

"Now look at me," Michaels said. "I'm working sixteen-hour days down at the urinal cake factory outside of town. And you know that fragrance **** they put in those things? It doesn't wear off. Jesus Christ, I've tried everything -- lye, steel wool, acid -- it doesn't wear off.

"Help me! You've got to help me!" he added.

A mid-level federal official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said authorities were able to reconstruct what happened that evening.

"On Oct. 26, 1985, a 1971 Volkswagen minibus entered the parking lot of the Twin Pines Mall, a large retail complex outside of Hill Valley, California. The vehicle contained four adult Libyan nationals, armed with assault weapons. For reasons unknown, the Libyans accelerated at a high rate of speed around the parking lot, firing several rounds at a target believed to be Dr. Emmett Brown, a physicist of minor repute. Brown may have been hit several times by these rounds, or may have driven off in his silver DeLorean sports car, since neither his body nor the car were found at the scene. In any case, the Libyan operator then lost control of the vehicle, which came to rest on top of the Keys-2-Heaven kiosk, an establishment at the mall which provided key-duplication and key-refurbishment services," the official said, reading from the now de-classified Government report on the matter.

Libyan sources said that Colonel Qaddafi, terrified that American and British forces might turn on him next, decided to cave in before it was too late.

"Now look. When I say come clean with everything, I mean everything," Qaddafi reportedly said, according to someone familiar with the matter. "And that includes that little 'incident' we planned to get back at that Brown fellow. Wherever it was."

American officials also confirmed that Libya disclosed the Hill Valley incident. However, questions remain sketchy about the matter, and the present whereabouts of Brown, as well as one Marty McFly of Hill Valley, are unknown.

In related news, shares of automaker Volkswagen AG traded sharply higher on the XETRA bourse in late afternoon trading.



Harry Tuttle is offline Harry Tuttle

Prince
of the Hoople Heads
Mar 2003
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:15
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Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Heavy...

Drake Tungsten is offline Drake Tungsten
Prince
Knee deep in alien womyn...
Oct 2001
time: 14:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:16
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Took me a second to figure that out...

Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:19 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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I was wondering if there was a massive "woosh!" going on...

Imran Siddiqui is offline Imran Siddiqui

Deity
The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:26
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quote:
By God, that set us back twenty years!


Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:32 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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nice.

Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 09:46 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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Yeah, I think a lot of non-Americans are reading this and going, huh?

Shogun Gunner is offline Shogun Gunner

Emperor
Potomac Falls, Virginia
Oct 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 10:02 Visit Shogun Gunner<br><a href=/members><img src=/forums/images/supporter-icon.gif border=0></a><BR>'s homepage!
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wow....that's a memory!

Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 24-12-2003 23:58 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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I have an urge to go watch Back to the Future

DAVOUT is offline DAVOUT
King
AUERSTADT
Jun 2002
time: 05:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 00:15
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Well, the threat was imminent twenty years back. So I would say that a retroactive-preventive war would be in order.

Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 00:22 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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Woosh, Davout?

Imran Siddiqui is offline Imran Siddiqui

Deity
The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 00:53
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quote:
I have an urge to go watch Back to the Future


You gave it away

JohnT is offline JohnT

Emperor
Capitalist
Mar 1999
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 01:21
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What a loser I am.... I actually recognized the name of the mall.

Harry Tuttle is offline Harry Tuttle

Prince
of the Hoople Heads
Mar 2003
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 01:28
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Hell, I recognized Hill Valley immediately. Where's my BTTF box set?....

Az is offline Az
King
MACEDONIA - It's the name of the sovereign country to the north of Greece
Apr 2000
time: 07:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 01:31
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OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



thanks, JohnT. you're not a loser. You're just very knowledgeable.

Zylka is offline Zylka
Prince
sure
May 2000
time: 05:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 01:31
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Got spare money?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOCC


BASTARDS!!!!

Sprayber is offline Sprayber

Emperor
Dixie
Oct 2000
time: 23:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 03:17
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It would have been precious if this was picked up by CNN

DRoseDARs is offline DRoseDARs

Prince
"My god, it's full of peas..."
Jul 2002
time: 21:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 06:15
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quote:
Originally posted by Sprayber


It would have been precious if this was picked up by CNN


Better still: Faux News...

Agathon is offline Agathon
Prince
Leafs 4TW!! - CPA
Dec 2002
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 06:26
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Inflate your Upload Space



The urinal cake thing is the highlight.

Lonestar is offline Lonestar
Prince
AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 08:28 Visit Lonestar's homepage!
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quote:
Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
quote:
I have an urge to go watch Back to the Future


You gave it away


Didn't get it? And you called yourself an American...

Kassiopeia is offline Kassiopeia
Emperor
Jyväskylä, Finland
Jul 2001
time: 07:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 08:40 Visit Kassiopeia's homepage!
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quote:
Yeah, I think a lot of non-Americans are reading this and going, huh?


I grew up watching Back to the Future films, they've been reran to death here. Hill Valley was a dead giveaway.

quote:
What a loser I am.... I actually recognized the name of the mall.


Wouldn't it be Lone Pine Mall in our timeline? Or did Marty sort things out so that the other one stayed in one piece after all? The first film was always my weak spot, for some reason the networks always show II and III but never the first one.

Mr. President is offline Mr. President
Emperor
The leaves that are green turn to brown
Jul 2001
time: 15:32
  Old Post 25-12-2003 09:52 Visit Mr. President's homepage!
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quote:
Originally posted by Sprayber


It would have been precious if this was picked up by CNN


I dare somebody to send it to an Australian newspaper as a news report.

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