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self biased
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Yggdrasil.
Nov 1999
time: 00:32
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first, let us get one thing clear: I. Gave. At. The. Mother. ****ing. Office. while going into target the other day, i was greeted by a rather overzealous salvation army bell ringer. when she tried to get me to donate, i told her that i already gave at the office. she was incredulous: "Well a little more won't hurt." as if i wasn't telling the truth. she vehemently accosted others, practically demanding that they donate, and intimidated them into giving before it started to hurt.
it was at about this time that i blew my stack. "shut your hole for a second, and leave those people alone, for the love of god!" i had shouted. stunned, she turned towards me. "so why are you standing out here tonight? it's not because you're into charity, i know that much." she protested, and said that she was, and she was being a good christian by donating her time to such an organization. "d'you only do this at christmas time?" a nod. i had to laugh. "you know nothing of charity. you're only standing out here, ringing that goddamned bell because you've got some kind of guilty conscience, and you think it makes you look like a good christian. how many homeless people have you fed out of your own pocket, huh? i've done that dozens of times when i was living in texas, and for the only reason that the poor bastards looked hungry." she had begun to look nervous. "what's sad is that you're not only lying to yourself, but to everyone that's put money in that pot you've been standing in front of." and i turned, and went into the store.
when i came out, she was standing there silently, just ringing the bell. i tossed a five spot into it and smiled. "merry christmas." i said, and waved as i went to work. i'm not completely heartless, after all. but for some ****ing seasonal bell ringer to question my charitable deeds was uncalled for.
there is, in every neighborhood, some asshat, some turd who, when it comes to decorating their house for christmas, have all the taste and sense of a deranged magpie. one such house is on my way to work. from what i can tell, their lights have been on day and night since thanksgiving. they've got santa claus, frosty the snowman, and a garish nativity scene, amongst others. obviously devout christians. but over their door is a lit sign that says "happy holidays."
happy ****ing holidays? trying not to offend the jews that live next door by including them in your perverse decorations? how about just a few lights here and there. something not quite so overwhelming like the people across the street who have those fake candles in their windows lit up at night for a few hours. obviously, they're overcompensating for something, and i'm sure they've convinced themselves that the atrocity on their front lawn actually looks pretty.
i tell ya what: next year, no lights, no inflatable santas, not even a lit ****ing wreath on your door. take the money you save and donate it to the salvation army, or the local soup kitchen, or whatever charity you feel like. two things will be accomplished in any event: you will have done something worthwhile with your time and money instead of pissing away all that energy into a meaningless statement, and passers by won't be subjected to your front lawn. i'm sure some kid somewhere has gone into seizures with the amount of flashing doodads just lazing about. and you'll feel good about yourself too, because you've probably contributed a substantial sum of money. i can only guess.
i guess it goes back to last year's rant. so many people are only motivated to do nice things for each other because they think it makes them look good. there's really very rarely someone who does anything selflessly today. we use the holidays as a kind of pissing contest to see who can be more charitable than the next, and the idea of charity starts to lose its meaning after a while. the very concept is starting to go the way of christmas spirit... extinct.
few people actually give a **** about their fellow human being for who he or she is. more often, it's "what can i get out of this person," or "how can i manipulate this person to get what i want?" i'm guilty of this too. but more often than not, i consider the other perspective before i act. it's also the little things that count most. i bussed a few tables at work today after the floor had gotten anally raped for three hours and then cleared out. i didn't want anything from anyone. i wasn't trying to impress anyone. i just wanted to be helpful. i got alot of "aw, thanks," and "you don't have to..."
it's become a knee-jerk reaction to not want anyone to do anything for you. you don't want to owe anyone anything these days. and the strange thing is that i didn't expect anything back from them. i still don't. but that's mostly due to the cynical thought that they wouldn't think be so kind to me.
but then again, it is true what they say about a good deed being its own reward. or is that no good deed goes unpunished? at any rate, merry christmas, guys.
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24-12-2003 12:53
YOU SAID THE J WORD!
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