21-01-2004 14:03									#31
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quote: Not to mention the fact that your breast cancer statistic is complete and utter bullshit.

Are you sure of that? It has absolutely nothing to do with politics, but everything to do with medical risk to the mother if she is to have an abortion.

Her doctor ought to be telling her these things, but he won't.

quote: Have you ever been inside a NICU? Have you seen children born with their organs on the outside of their bodies? Have you ever seen a child with Trisomy 18?

So if it looks ugly or deformed, we should kill the baby?

Edit:

Send me a PM or start another thread. That's my last comment in Japher's thread.

	21-01-2004 15:12									#32
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So give your sister (and gran) an extra hug or three from your internet buddies.

And here's to the skill of her doctors.

Medicine gets more amazing all the time.

	21-01-2004 22:35									#33
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PM sent.

	21-01-2004 22:44									#34
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quote: You said your sister is emotionally fragile. How then would losing a child be less harmful to her?

Exactly my point... I don't know.

Basically, I am pro-choice for reasons like this. Still I am torn on the decission, and I am glad that I am not the one who has to make it, but I am glad the choice is there. One side of the coin the child should be given a fighting chance. Then, on the other side, this child has worse odds than David did against Goliath. IMO it would be only torture to the child.

My sister will have to fight those demons. The "could of's" can be just as bad as the "I did's"... I trust she is making a decision that she is most comfortable with, and hopefully it is therefore something she will more easily be able to cope with.

As far as the link between abortion and breast cancer I think that was all hype and no fact. An urban myth if you will. It may be true, but to date I don't think we know. However, risks of breast cancer increase in women who do not have children. My wife's family has a history of Breast Cancer, and it is her doctors suggestion that she have a child by the time she is 30...

	21-01-2004 23:28									#35
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My own sister had an abortion - many years ago now.

People are, of course, different but it may be that your sister's reactions will have some similarities so I will tell you what I have noticed down the years.

One thing is that she will never forget this baby. Donkeys years later, for you and even for your brother in law and for everyone else, memories will fade. But for your sister there will always be a place within her where this life that she carries will be remembered. And, of course, remembered with some pain.

Another thing is that she may well not talk much about things. I used to think, in relation to my own sister, that this was connected to some sort of guilt. But I realised after a while that it is not. I do not really understand why others get excluded like this. On other matters my sister is very willing to confide.

But I am not at all sure that it is damaging. It may just be some natural thing and a part of the way a woman finds to cope.

Anyway, for what little it is worth, I have never tried to draw my own sister out. And I have never had any reason to think that it would be a helpful thing to do. On the very rare occasions that she has volunteered some remark (say, once a decade) she has shown no signs of any artificial bottling up or of any need to give her feelings an airing.

In the immediate period after an abortion or a miscarriage (my wife had one of those) I rather think that it is difficult to grieve. There is no burial or cremation to focus upon and little in the way of memories of the individual lost.

I was far away when my sister had her abortion - indeed did not know of it until some time later - so I do not know if family can help. But your brother in law may well lead about this. If he thinks she (or he himself) will benefit from you all gathering round he will surely arrange it - whereas if he thinks privacy is best he will surely be right.

Anyway enough of me. You will all find the best way together.

And I wouldn't trouble yourself too much about moral demons. Your sister is losing her baby. And that doesn't leave a whole lot of room for her to worry about moral issues.