31-01-2004 00:06									#91
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quote: and that over 70% of you would not consider me a bad girl...

boann:

And why would I consider you to be, virgin bride and all?

quote: i would be more intimidated if they had had several serious relationships than just a lot of casual sex, as somehow it would seem more to live up to.

Verres:

Curious. I would think most guys would see things precisely the opposite. I would certainly find the sexual encounters more troubling than serious relationships.

	31-01-2004 00:08									#92
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi Verres: Curious. I would think most guys would see things precisely the opposite. I would certainly find the sexual encounters more troubling than serious relationships.

Simple answer to that Ben, im not a guy!

	31-01-2004 00:09									#93
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Serious relationships can sometimes leave... something of a nasty aftertaste in the form of emotional baggage.

I've only had one serious relationship, but in some of my friends it seems to have a cumulative effect.

	31-01-2004 00:10									#94
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Verres:

Why would women think this way? I find that curious.

	31-01-2004 00:11									#95
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I was watching a commercial for "extend" -- a product for men. One of the women "endorsers" said she had 100,000 men.

Exaggeration?

	31-01-2004 00:11									#96
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Ben (good name btw): Have you been, or are you in one serious relationship or more? Kudos if the answer is currently, and more than one!

	31-01-2004 00:12									#97
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quote: Originally posted by Verres Simple answer to that Ben, im not a guy!

i think you got his goat ...lol

but you know your going to have to come clean on why you think the way you do

	31-01-2004 00:15									#98
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quote: I was watching a commercial for "extend" -- a product for men. One of the women "endorsers" said she had 100,000 men. Exaggeration?

Let's do a little calculation on that one. Let's assume two per day. With a sex life from puberty to menopause, which we can estimate at 35 years. Thats 12784 days give or take (leap year considerations), so 25568 men. That's two per day. 8 per day, every day will give you 100'000 so its clearly physically possible, but I do rather doubt it. Once every three hours for 35 years .

Think of the sponsorship!!!

	31-01-2004 00:15									#99
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi Verres: Why would women think this way? I find that curious.

Im not saying all women think this way, by any means. Most females i know may will criticise a bloke who had slept around and considered himself a bit of a player. Its just personally, relationships have always seemed more daunting and intimidating than sex (well, at least that used to be the case ) and i tend to judge others by my standards - so i would not be bothered at all by then number of partners someone had, if only because it made me feel less of a slut!

	31-01-2004 00:15									#100
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quote: Ben (good name btw): Have you been, or are you in one serious relationship or more? Kudos if the answer is currently, and more than one!

Well, it's a better name than obiwan18.

Yes, I'm currently seeing my girlfriend Denise, seeing her tonight, for the first time in a month.

We've been seeing each other since the end of last february, but not so much during the summer. She lived about 400 kms from me, and I lack a vehicle, so that was difficult.

I've had one girlfriend previous that I consider to be a 'serious relationship', and many other friends over the years. So that's two.

Perception in this instance is more important than the reality. One man's 'baggage' is another man's experience.

	31-01-2004 00:16									#101
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quote: Originally posted by Ned I was watching a commercial for "extend" -- a product for men. One of the women "endorsers" said she had 100,000 men. Exaggeration?

i would believe it if shes a porn star

	31-01-2004 00:18									#102
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quote: Well, it's a better name than obiwan18.

It's also mine! (minus the star wars fanatacism).

quote: One man's 'baggage' is another man's experience.

True. And my lovelife is and was hardly ideal.

	31-01-2004 00:21									#103
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quote: Its just personally, relationships have always seemed more daunting and intimidating than sex.

Is it the commitment? I would find the physical intimacy far more daunting than the emotional intimacy, of a relationship. Actually, I find the emotional intimacy rather delightful.

	31-01-2004 00:22									#104
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quote: True. And my lovelife is and was hardly ideal.

Is anyone's lovelife, ideal?

	31-01-2004 00:27									#105
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quote: Is anyone's lovelife, ideal?

Mine is generally alcohol induced, cannabis induced, hormone induced or existentialism induced. My methods involve manipulation and taking advantage (aka flirting), though of course there are some exceptions to that . In terms of lovelives, mine is at best an advanced form of masturbation, and that's when I do get lucky, which isn't so thus far this year. Yours on the other hand, is aspirational.

	31-01-2004 00:34									#106
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quote: Yours on the other hand, is aspirational.

Thanks for the compliment, but I think that if we were to switch places you would think differently.

quote: My methods involve manipulation and taking advantage (aka flirting),

Heck, my ex used to accuse me of being manipulative.

	31-01-2004 00:54									#107
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quote: Heck, my ex used to accuse me of being manipulative.

But I am though and its not good. I'll get inside her head and take advantage of that.

	31-01-2004 00:55									#108
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If she's doin' it with someone besides you at that moment, that's too many.

	31-01-2004 00:58									#109
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che: You sure? I wouldn't mind at all if she was with another girl, though I would have a problem if she was in love with her as well as, or instead of me. I'd have probably more of a problem if she was with another guy as well, but I know thats just a combination of male power complex and penis envy so rationally it shouldn't bother me, it would but I would suppress that.

	31-01-2004 01:12									#110
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Boann, you sound just about like me. Age 48. 11. Cheated a little, but that was long ago before I really understood how destructive it could be.

	31-01-2004 01:14									#111
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You're 11?

	31-01-2004 03:06									#112
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im thinking debeest ment they have been with 11 people

	31-01-2004 05:00									#113
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi Is it the commitment? I would find the physical intimacy far more daunting than the emotional intimacy, of a relationship. Actually, I find the emotional intimacy rather delightful.

Perhaps, yes. exposing yourself to someone emotionally is far more dangerous than physically, as you are opening yourself up to a greater degree of hurt. the emotional intimacy is great, sure, but it also frightening that someone could know you that well and therefore have such power over you if and when the relationship ends.

Commitment and emotional intimacy also require a great deal of maturity and respect (both for yourself and the other person...where as sex is usually just a physical activity to satisfy your libido.

	31-01-2004 05:16									#114
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quote: Originally posted by Whaleboy Let's do a little calculation on that one. Let's assume two per day. With a sex life from puberty to menopause, which we can estimate at 35 years. Thats 12784 days give or take (leap year considerations), so 25568 men. That's two per day. 8 per day, every day will give you 100'000 so its clearly physically possible, but I do rather doubt it. Once every three hours for 35 years . Think of the sponsorship!!!

Once every three hours? You can squeeze in a few within those intervals if theyre a minute man.... What about orgies?

	31-01-2004 05:23									#115
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quote: With a sex life from puberty to menopause, which we can estimate at 35 years.

You really think women stop having sex when they reach the menopause???

quote: Once every three hours for 35 years .

Sounds good to me

	31-01-2004 05:28									#116
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anyways about original q: Im pretty lenient on the issue. I made some stupid decisions, I doubt im the only person that did that. I just dont want burning penis and other diseases...

For some reason I think I expect to marry a virgin, but I probably wouldnt care at all about what the status of my future wife's sex life was before we wed.

	31-01-2004 05:30									#117
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quote: as you are opening yourself up to a greater degree of hurt. the emotional intimacy is great, sure, but it also frightening that someone could know you that well and therefore have such power over you if and when the relationship ends.

Yeah, it's not fun if you break up with someone you know so well. I guess my approach has always been that it would be worse to lose the sensitivity to such things, than the comfort derived from putting up walls. Of course this approach makes me very vunerable at times.

	31-01-2004 05:38									#118
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Very true. Vulnerability is the one thing i fear in the wacky world of relationships. And being female, its more expected if me than it would be of the bloke; in most circumstances. However, I am not one to conform to stereotypes!

It'd be very nice to be able to be completely open and honest with someone, but leaving yourself open to so much emotional hurt and perhaps destroying any chance of future hapinness is too high a price.

	31-01-2004 05:42									#119
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quote: to so much emotional hurt and perhaps destroying any chance of future hapinness.

quote: It'd be very nice to be able to be completely open and honest with someone,

Well, you never really know until you give it a chance, eh?

	31-01-2004 05:44									#120
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your wrong verres...not being judgemental or mean to you... just saying from my experiences.
sharing that sort of intimacy is ...well i can't even think of words to describe it...
yes ive had pain... lots of it... ive been in the pit of blackness with it... but i would not trade that pain if i had to give up the closeness and tenderness of the love i had to equal that pain.
its the ying and yang of life...
to know you have to open yourself up for it.
otherwise you will never know what im talking about.
and id be sad for you not to feel it at least once.