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Arrian
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Kneel before Grog!
Jul 2001
time: 00:35
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quote:
Arashi - October 4th, 810 AD.
Arashi is often referred to as Stormia's second city, but today Arashi is the Eye of the Storm.
Explorer, Naturalist, Philosopher, devotee of the Stormian Church, and... Heretic? For Charles "Deep" Darwin, the world has turned upside down.
Ealier this year, Mr. Darwin returned from a journey of over 2 years to the barren coastline of Voxtavia, in Legolis Minor. Thanks in no small part to the hospitality of the Voxian government, Mr. Darwin was able to observe hundreds of species of wildlife. Those observations, however, had unexpected consequences.
In "The Origin of Species," Mr. Darwin describes his discoveries, and the conclusions he has drawn from them. One in particular - that species change over time and give rise to new species - has given him notoriety beyond his wildest nightmares. Taken to its logical conclusion, Darwin's claim suggests that all species now living are derived from earlier, now extinct species. That, in turn, suggests that the plants and animals we see around us - and indeed humans too - were not the result of divine creation, but rather what Darwin calls "natural selection" taking place over millions of years. He cites recent discoveries of fossils alleged to belong to long-dead species of reptiles as possible confirmation of his theory.
The implications of Darwin's work - originally expected to be a minor scholarly publication with a tiny circulation - have made him a household name. A household name many curse.
"We ain't monkeys. Humans were created in the image of God, no matter what Mr. smarty-pants naturalist says!" opined Nathaniel B. Forrest, resident of Dissidentville and distant decendant of the great Nathan Barclay, one of the founding fathers of the nation.
Mr. Forrest's views are widespread, and the Stormian Church has found itself riding a tidal wave of anti-Darwin popular opinion, a circumstance which Darwin says grieves him deeply. "I am a religious man. My faith is not shaken by my recent work, but rather is strengthened by the great richness and diversity of God's creation."
The Church, however, has taken the step of declaring Mr. Darwin's new theory heresy, and has threatened him with excommunication should he refuse to recant. Many Stormians, remembering past turmoil over the work of Arrianus Copernicus and Dr. SleepyNewton (whose theories are now generally accepted) hesitate to denounce the "Origin of Species." A high-level government official, who refused to be identified in this article, suggested that Mr. Darwin's work might be "the final nail in the coffin of the Church."
So far, the government has refused official comment on the situation, but it may not be able to stay above the fray. Mr. Darwin's new theory was introduced to the curriculum of the Arashi school system as "a new perspective," according to school board officials. In response, a group known as "The Truth of Frater Ralphus" has declared its intention to file suit.
The battle lines have been drawn. Emotions are running high. Could it be that our nation, having no real wars to fight, might seek to create a war - a civil war, no less - over a naturalist's book? Stay tuned, dear readers, for a "Tempest in a Teapot."
(c) Arashi Tribune |
Ah, if only this were in the ptwdgII - so much more potential for the Monkey angle. 
-Arrian
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Master Zen
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of naughty
Jan 2003
time: 23:35
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Honorable Arrian Ph.D,
The Warmongering Council of Science and Technology would like to extend to the Arashi scientific community its most sincere praise for the discovery of such a ground-breaking theory.
Mr. Darwin's theories have generated great expectations among the Warmongerian scientific community (about 2-3 guys) regarding the evolution of species in our world. Three particular breeds are of utmost concern to us, the first being of course, the legendary Stormchicken, originating in the island of Stormia but now found througout Bob ever since Stormian troops brought the breed in the Great Bobian War. Stormchickens, though highly agreessive, produce a delicatesen which is highly regarded throughout Bob, in the words of our culinary expert, Col. "Aggie" Sanders:
"Stormchickens have caused a true gastronomical revolution, suffice to say that any new dish which pleases the senses, is instantly considered to 'taste like stormchicken'."
The second species is the famed Warmonger Beared Lady (Homo Redneckus). What possible "evolutionary" step did these particular kind of humans take in order that their facial hair was not erradicated over time? Finally, the Lego Block. Scientists have been baffled about how seeminly lifeless colored blocks can assemble to form moving, thinking beings.
We would appreciate any help in this scientific enquiry.
Regards
Bubba Nerd Ph.D.
Warmonger Council of Science
Bloodroad #3CosX^2
Imperial City
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Arrian
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Kneel before Grog!
Jul 2001
time: 00:35
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Honorable Bubba Nerd Ph.D.,
We thank you for your inquiries.
First, you must understand that your practice of eating Storm Chickens is a vile, barbaric practice which we will not discuss further.
As to your bearded ladies, it is the general understanding of the Stormian scientific community that when the male gender of a species begins to take on more typically female characteristics (referred to in the vulgar as "growing a *****"), the female gender may respond by taking on more generally male characteristics. It is my understanding that a certain prominent male member of the warmongerian society has become a "hippy builder," which, while admirable in a Stormian, is quite frowned upon in Warmongeria.
Finally, the question of Lego blocks. It is clear to us that these so-called "Legomen" are actually automotons controlled by an evil genius who plans to take over the world (like we do every night, Pinky)! So, while their movement is real, the appearance of individual thought is not.
I hope this correspondence finds you well, Bubba. Resist any urges you may have to put on makeup. 
- Dr. Arrianus Copernicus III
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asleepathewheel
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listening too long to one song
Mar 2002
time: 00:35
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If an invasion of legoland is what the game needs, then I'm sure the rest of the world could oblige. Now if you would just kindly allow for a landing zone, we could get down to business.
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asleepathewheel
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listening too long to one song
Mar 2002
time: 00:35
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wire transfer complete.
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All times are GMT. The time now is 05:35.
Apolyton Time is 00:35. |
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13-04-2004 20:50
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