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Octavian X
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Probably buried under piles of Literature, Biology, or Government homework
Jan 2002
time: 23:35
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COMRADES!
WE GREET EACH DAY WITH THE TRUTH!
Welcome comrades to this, the glorious 23rd edition of PRAVDA - the official newsletter of the Human Hive. Due to the mysterious absence/faked disappearance/execution of Comrade Publisher Vander, Comrade Octavian X publishes the this edition Pravda! All hail to the glorious Chairman Voltaire and the hard-working free peoples of the Human Hive!
In This Issue :
- Comrade Vev on Time Travel
- Hive to set new Department of Homeland Security
- Jamski flees the Hive!
- The former slaves of the CyCon
- Comrade David Hattenborough Commentary
- Promising scientist lost
- Non-Existant PRAVDA articles plague Hive
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Hive to set new Department of Homeland Security
More than 3,000 government workers nearly packed the Hall of Claire’s Discipline at Voltairgrad to hear the Chairman talk about their vital role in protecting the Human Hive. He commended them for their sacrifice and dedication and for using their time, talent and energy to work for others.
Sources say that the Chairman is proposing a plan for a new Cabinet-level Department of Homeland Security. Voltaire said a Department of Homeland Security would unify Hive efforts and avoid administrative overlap and duplication. Creation of the department would be the most significant reorganization of government since 2147, he said.
"For the first time," the Chairman said, "this new department will merge under one roof, the capability to identify and assess threats to the homeland, to match those threats against our vulnerabilities and to do what's necessary to secure the Human Hive. There is an overriding and urgent mission here in the Hive today and that's to protect our homeland. We've been called into action and we've got to act."
One of the new agency's primary tasks would be controlling Hive borders to prevent terrorists and weapons from entering the Hive territory. "The single most important priority is to protect the homeland. We're at war," Voltaire stressed. "We must do everything we can to funnel resources and to set priorities to protect the Hive people. It is by far our most important challenge."
The nation is making progress in the war against terrorism overseas and at home, the Chairman said. "What is for certain is, we've got a great military who are doing everything they can to hunt the killers down one person at a time and bring them to justice," he said, "and that's exactly what this government will continue to do."
Hive officials have strengthened aviation security and tightened Hive borders, he noted. Medical authorities are stockpiling medicines to defend against bioterrorism. Intelligence agencies are improving information sharing. Officials are taking steps to protect critical infrastructure.
"What's important for the Hive people to know is that our public servants are working longer hours and working harder and working smarter to defend the people," Voltaire said. "We will win the war on terror -- there's not doubt in my mind -- thanks to the heroism of our fighting troops, and thanks to the patriotism of our people and thanks to the hard work of government officials here."
These public servants, he said, have shown the Hive people "a willingness to go the limit, and then some more, for the sake of your fellow citizens." Public service, he added, "is a way to fulfill our obligation to those who have gone before us, to those who will follow us and to those who have sacrificed and died for us. That's how I view your job and my job."
Submitted by Comrade HongHu
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Jamski flees the Hive!
Former deputy chairman and long time anti-revolutionist Jamski was found to have fled from the Human Hive. Jamski has reportedly left without saying goodbye to anybody. His disappearance was discovered when a janitor found a wide-open door and a disordered floor filled with old classified materials and tapes of Claire Forloni in Jamski’s private quarters. It is speculated that the former deputy intended to defect to the Hive’s enemy faction – the CPU.
CPC chairman HongHu was reported to have also left the Hive after leaving a note on her desk on the same day. Friends close to her said that she had run after Jamski. Hive authorities was informed that she had briefly been in contact with the PEACE, one friendly faction of the Hive. However, she had never actually arrived to join the good captains.
Eight days later a probe team dispatched by CMC chairman Rubin found an unconscious HongHu in a massive area of xenofungus. There is no speculation on how long she had been in that state. Although she appeared to be unwounded, many say that she seems a little different from before. Nobody knows what had happened in those eight days because Comrade HongHu refused to comment on it. Others believe that a nervestaple therapy session may be in order.
Submitted by Comrade HongHu
Editor’s note: Since initial publication, HongHu has been successfully nervestappled reeducated and returned as a productive member of Hiverian society. Jamski has been declared mentally unstable, as that’s the only reason someone would leave the Hive.
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The former slaves of the CyCon
As we all hopefully knows, our mortal enemies wayward brothers, the Planet University of Technology has been invaded and defeated by our ruthless armies liberated from evil CyCon mind control. It is a lie well known that the University was being mind controlled and acted as puppets for their evil and perverted masters, the Cybernetic Conciousness, otherwise known as the CyCon. However using wave after wave of barely armed woman and children clever tactics devised by Chairman Voltaire himself, we have invaded liberated the scientists.
One of the jerks men from University has unwillingly told us of his life as a free man slave of the CyCon.
PRAVDA Journalist: Listen here scum! Tell us about your life before the Hive came and took your faction by force.
Former slave: I lived a happy life before you bastards came and murdered my family and friends!!
PRAVDA Journalist: If you do not tell me something i WANT to hear i will have to use this handheld nervestapler on you!
Former slave: To hell with you bastaaaAAAARRGH!!!!
PRAVDA Journalist: Take him to the punishment spheres and then dump him into the recycling tanks
Former slave: What!? Get those crimson guards off me!! ARRRGH!!!!
As we can hear from this interview the scientist is in this very moment being dragged to the recycling tanks happy to die live in the Hive.
We all hope for the scientists to live the rest of their lives in our Genejack Factories live fruitful lives in the Human Hive!
DEATH GLORY TO OUR NEW SLAVES MEMBERS!
Submitted by Comrade Scorpi40000
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Comrade David Hattenborough Commentary
We have here a pristine University environment, great marble halls, a place of learning. Now we shall take a closer look. Here we are a prime example of a pair University members communicating in their natural habitat. Let's see what our hidden cameras receive.
"Please Professor, I need those grades I can't afford to fail the course and spend another semester 'working' in Zak's private laboratories."
"Sorry young lady, you know rules are rules. My hands are tied."
"That's ... a shame. I have to use mine then."
"No, mouth only."
Of course, in this modern jungle, only the fittest survives and the alpha male is Zak. He hides within his lair, never showing his face.
But that is all going to change soon.
Submitted by Comrade Vev
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Promising scientist lost due to the right to bear and use nerve staplers!
The SSC was shocked to find out that one of their most promising young scientists was lost in an accident involving a disgruntled drone and a nerve stapler. The scientist was researching something he called a "level 12" generator when he was brutally murdered his days came to end. The "level 12" generator was supposed to be used for planet busters peace-time purposes. The loss of such a brilliant scientist was greatly mourned and the murderer was imiedietly nerve stapled unconcious, stuffed into a punishment sphere and dumped into the recycling tanks! The same procedure happened to three random persons on the street as the Crimson Guards had a bad day!
The people of the glorious Human Hive are commanded to mourn the loss of their comrade. Anyone found smiling, laughing, not being sad, wearing flashy clothing, speaking loudly, talking bad about the Hive or Chairman and/or eating xenodoughnuts today WILL be nervestapled on the spot!
Submitted by Comrade Scorpi40000
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In other news...
- Temporal defacto governor T_ras was removed from duty after making some "unexpected" decisions. The Central Continuing Committee is breathing with relief. Comrade Honghu commented, "I'll never leave the office unlocked again!" Rumors claim this is one of the reasons Comrade Honghu is quitting turn playing. "I just sow the beewtefull bottons of the controller making collorfull lights and wanted to play with it. How could I know it wasn't an Atari game?" said T_ras as he was being escorted to his nervestapling session.
- A former driver has been drafted to the Hive air force. "I know how to operate a former, I'm sure I'll know how to operate a skyhawk," he announced proudly upon inquiry.
The Hive military force has gone through drastic changes so that normal drones cannot recognize any units any more.
- Sources say that the CMC is secretly planning a surprise mission following the succession of Brainstorm Project. Several code names has leaked out including "Death of Angels", "Fallen Angels" and "The Last Rose in the Summer".
- Bunnies spotted!
- Hive defeats evil, capitalisitic Planet University of Technology. No one notices nor cares, as no one is suprised.
- New research allows toasters to feel love. Scientists question usefulness of advance in technology. “I’ll never look at a toaster in the same way again,” says one.
- One word in this issue of PRAVDA is sdrawkcab.
- Comrade Octavian messes up poll at top of new PRAVDA issue! Sources say he has been
executed punished lightly by the CCC.
Onwards Comrades - the Future of Humanity lies in Cooperation, Brotherhood and Industry - Continue to Work for the Glory of the Human Hive
Compiled by Comrade Octavian X
All Around Useless Fat Guy of the Human Hive
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14-04-2004 04:28
Sounds like more changes are happening within Hive since Jam Pi-3 'defected'.
Are you sure he is not Bush?
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