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Squeblish Nef?
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Warning: This text is next to an Avatar. DO NOT READ UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
Jul 2003
time: 15:35
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[A monocled man wearing a purple-trimmed black cape, a black three-piece suit and a top hat and porting a waxed black moustache strides into the chamber, flanked by what appears to be a platoon of extremely heavly armed gorillas in black combat armour.]
Greetings, monarch of the Emerald Cove!
I am the Arch-Capitalist, and I would like to discuss with the prosperity of you, your nation, your subjects and your customers.
You would do well to cooperate with me, as I have a habit of bringing... prosperity to my friends.
You can start by outlining your economic situation, and, if you want, how I can help you fulfill your desires.
Take your time.
Time is money, and I have a lot of money.
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Paddy the Scot
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Hordeland
Mar 2001
time: 14:35
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ahh yes welcome Lord Arch-Capitalist,
thank you for taking the time to visit with me and my humble people.
we do hope that your stay with us in enjoyable, all be it short as most diplomatic missions are.
your name and histories do proceed you in the paths of the leaders of this fine region.
I am ever thankful that your platoon agreed to enter our Royal chambers with only their personal side arms.
we do look forward to a full display of their combat skills at the southern Cook barracks tomorrow afternoon as prevviously arranged.
it is hoped that General Paul Hogan and some of his staff of the Auldonian Armed Forces will be attending as well.
Lord Arch-Capitalist, your wealth is quite amazing.
my humble treasury people do yet to dream of fiqures as amount to the jewels encrusted on your broach and tie pin. my goodness sir, is that a fob watch encrusted in jewels you are wearing, or is the plate finished so well, that it dazzles ones eye.
at this time my people have worked very hard to build a steady and balanced industry in Hospitality, Computers, Beef-Based Agriculture, Woodchip Exports, and Trout Farming industries.
I must admit to a great deal of pride in the way my small but hearty nation has grown and found its way.
please know that we are glad to hear that you are willing to invest in the future of our nation.
and we are glad to have wealthy and strong friends throughout the world.
the voilence that we ahve seen of regions stand strong together and attacking regions that are weak and divided.
a leader of such wealth must have a mighty armed force. I take it that you would have them patroling the edges of this fabled region of Apolyton.
so Lord Arch-Capitalist, are you a member of the Grand Nation States United Nations? I am most interested to hear your views on this establishment.
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Squeblish Nef?
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Warning: This text is next to an Avatar. DO NOT READ UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
Jul 2003
time: 15:35
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Ah, my friend, I am not to be adressed as a lord.
I would like to offer to take the burden of one of your less-accomplished industries, or even supplying a neccessary service.
I would have no objections to looking after your defence, your transportation, giving you plenty of extremely cheap labour resources, supplying you with arms or any resource, or service you could possibly need.
I could even take over the management of your... banking sector, in the interests of comparative advantage, or could set you up with some reasonably-priced agri-domes, if you so desire.
Remember me if you ever need a loan, or any kind of favour.
I'll give you a week or so to think this over.
Oh, and my escort would so love to share some of our culture with your customers, troops and... allies.
What's more, they'll do it for free.
[The Arch-Capitalist turns on his heel and strides out of the chamber.]
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Squeblish Nef?
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Warning: This text is next to an Avatar. DO NOT READ UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
Jul 2003
time: 15:35
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Indeed, Prime Minister.
I hope you are quite well?
I'm sure you are.
For a man as rich as you to be unwell, a mild, and irritating, form of hypochondria is a prerequisite.
Unless, of course, the man is hoping that his ill health may inspire sympathy among his voters.
But, naturally, a man as obviously popular as you wouldn't need to resort to such crude measures.
Could I interest you in a Cuban?
Aha.
That was obviously a joke, as Cubans are so easy to come by these days.
Here, have a Gonorian.
They haven't made these since Gonoria went communist.
I trust you aren't a communist, Prime Minister?
Aha.
That was another joke.
With such wonderfully conservative views, you obviously haven't fallen victim to Mr Marx.
Groucho Marx, that is.
Aha. Ha.
I'm sorry, Prime Minister.
It is easy, and excusable, to get carried away when you are as rich as I am.
You know, I could cut all ties with my trading partners, and become an economic hermit for the next four decades, without making a pauper out of my people?
I could (the Cash Cow forfend!) support them out of... my own pocket!
Aha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Like a communist!
Aha! Ha! Ha!
Aha!
Ha!
But, seriously now, what's the point in letting so much hard-earned money go to waste?
Why would anybody need their government to look after them?
Look at me! I didn't get to be where I am today by stealing government money!
Well, not in that way, anyway.
Aha.
What are your views on social welfare, Prime Minister?
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30-04-2004 08:43
hope he is paying 
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