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any ideas for christmas related quotes? 
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Builder
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Dont you think it's too early to move to christmas look?
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Stefu
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CLOWNS WIT DA DOWNS 4 LIFE YO!
Jan 1970
time: 07:13
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Shutupshutupshutup!
*puts Builder in a sack and whisks him off to nearby closet*
Some Christmas carol would be nice. I´d suggest Sika by Juice Leskinen, but you foreigners wouldn´t understand the lyrics. Oh well.
SIKA
Joulun viettomme alkaa jo toukokuussa,
porsaalla silloin on herkut suussa.
Se lihoo, se kasvaa, se vahvistuu,
ja sitten kun koittaa marraskuu,
niin lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - se kuulan kalloon saa,
Sika - sen setä teurastaa.
Sika - ja setä verta juo,
Sika - se Joulumielen tuo.
Minä läävässä lojuvaa karjua katsoin
kärsivin ilmein, vellovin vatsoin.
Jouluna sikaa mä muista en,
vain kinkkua vahtaan himoiten.
ja lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - kun sitä suolataan,
Sika - yhdessä kuolataan.
Sika - ja isi mielellään,
Sika - on vesi kielellään.
Jouluruuhkassa ihminen sokkona ryntää
kadulla adventtisohjoa kyntää.
Joku ihmistä katsoo, kääntää pään,
kun ihminen rypee läävässään.
ja lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - se kohta paistetaan,
Sika - sen perää maistetaan.
Sika - on sähköuunissa,
Sika - on mutsi duunissa.
Kato, äiti on laittanut kystäkyllä,
sinappihuntu on sialla yllä,
isoveli veitsensä terottaa,
ja luistansa porsaan erottaa.
Lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - lopulta tappoi sen,
Sika - ympäristö vatsan happoisen.
Sika - voi kuinka isi syö,
Sika - isiltä loppuu vyö.
Joulu täynnä on kinkkua, kylkeä, potkaa,
läskiä, niskaa ja tietenkin votkaa,
kun loppuu aatto ja alkaa yö,
niin ihminen on sitä mitä hän syö.
Sika - la la la laa la laa,
Sika - tra la la laa la laa.
Sika - lala la laa la laa,
Sika - tra la la laa la laa.
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Aaargh! I had amassed half a dozen good ones when the f<aaaaa>ucking Browser crashed! Let me try again...
---
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't thought of before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
Dr. Seuss, How The Grinch Stole Christmas
---
'Peace upon earth!' was said. We sing it,
And pay a million priests to bring it.
After two thousand years of mass
We've got as far as poison-gas.
Thomas Hardy (Christmas: 1924)
---
He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.
Sunshine Magazine
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
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Christmas comes but once a year
364 days to get your ass in gear.
John Wesley Harding, "Talking Christmas Goodwill Blues"
---
Now, as a present, could I have my real login back?
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Builder
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<center><table width=80%><tr><td><font color=000080 face="Verdana" size=2><font size="1">quote:
<img src=/forums/"/images/blue1.gif" width=100% height=1>
</font><font size=1>Originally posted by Stefu on 12-02-2000 10:29 AM</font>
SIKA
Joulun viettomme alkaa jo toukokuussa,
porsaalla silloin on herkut suussa.
Se lihoo, se kasvaa, se vahvistuu,
ja sitten kun koittaa marraskuu,
niin lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - se kuulan kalloon saa,
Sika - sen setä teurastaa.
Sika - ja setä verta juo,
Sika - se Joulumielen tuo.
Minä läävässä lojuvaa karjua katsoin
kärsivin ilmein, vellovin vatsoin.
Jouluna sikaa mä muista en,
vain kinkkua vahtaan himoiten.
ja lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - kun sitä suolataan,
Sika - yhdessä kuolataan.
Sika - ja isi mielellään,
Sika - on vesi kielellään.
Jouluruuhkassa ihminen sokkona ryntää
kadulla adventtisohjoa kyntää.
Joku ihmistä katsoo, kääntää pään,
kun ihminen rypee läävässään.
ja lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - se kohta paistetaan,
Sika - sen perää maistetaan.
Sika - on sähköuunissa,
Sika - on mutsi duunissa.
Kato, äiti on laittanut kystäkyllä,
sinappihuntu on sialla yllä,
isoveli veitsensä terottaa,
ja luistansa porsaan erottaa.
Lapset laulaa: "Joulun tähti on ehdoton."
Sika - lopulta tappoi sen,
Sika - ympäristö vatsan happoisen.
Sika - voi kuinka isi syö,
Sika - isiltä loppuu vyö.
Joulu täynnä on kinkkua, kylkeä, potkaa,
läskiä, niskaa ja tietenkin votkaa,
kun loppuu aatto ja alkaa yö,
niin ihminen on sitä mitä hän syö.
Sika - la la la laa la laa,
Sika - tra la la laa la laa.
Sika - lala la laa la laa,
Sika - tra la la laa la laa.
<img src=/forums/"/images/blue1.gif" width=100% height=1></font></td></tr></table></center>
oh, sure... 
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reismark
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Paragon of Virtue
Jan 1970
time: 00:13
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<center><table width=80%><tr><td><font color=000080 face="Verdana" size=2><font size="1">quote:
<img src=/forums/"/images/blue1.gif" width=100% height=1>
</font>
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't thought of before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
<img src=/forums/"/images/blue1.gif" width=100% height=1></font></td></tr></table></center>
You should've finished it, Snapcase!
And what happened then? Well in Who-ville, they say...
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And then... the true meaning of Christmas came through,
And the Grinch found the strength of Ten Grinches! Plus 2!
Yeah, I know the last two lines aren't in the book (they're in the TV special) but I always loved them...
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How about,
The four stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
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give SilverDragon a prize... bwahaha... so true.
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Midshipman
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Apolyton Paintball Champion
Apr 2000
time: 05:13
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"Merry Christmas Bedford Falls," Jimmy Stewart's character in It's a Wonderful Life
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Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Chanukah.
Clark W. Griswold
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"Scrooge wasn't a bad guy - he was just misunderstood"
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The Meaning of Life. I still think it'd be too long to put on a transit page, but good nonetheless.
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Correct indeed. Maybe just the third verse could be considered? Seems to apply to every Christmas I can remember.
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Dr.Oogkloot
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How about anti-Christmas quotes?
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I suggest taking White, Leno and SilverDragon as the three quotes.
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Mercantile
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Westcoast of Canada
Dec 2000
time: 05:13
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How about "sh!t i am too fat for the chimney" or "$#%$#%$ slumlords could at least clean the chimney once a year"
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"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
[Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"]
"The Santa myth is one of the most effective means ever
devised for intimidating children, eroding their self-
esteem, twisting their behavior, warping their values,
and slowing their development of critical thinking skills."
[Tom Flynn, _The Trouble with Christmas_]
------------------
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
http://www.toyvault.com/Cthulhu/Cthulhu%20Plush%20White%20Background-web2.jpg
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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:13
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa ****head, whoa *******, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A **** ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a *****!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
And that's as Christmasy as I get... Bah Humbug!
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02-12-2000 18:08
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