09-06-2004 08:24									#91
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To all here at 'Poly,
your well wishes are appreciated.

In response to a few of the inquiries:

We decided not to opt for an autoposy. As my wife is over the magical threshold of 35 yrs we know with fair certainty that there were no congenital defects due to intensive ultrasounds etc. that come with monitoring 35+ yr old women. Likewise this represents our third consecutive miscarriage albeit this one hurts most as Gabrielle was certainly viable (While the other two were first term) and if we had but known we could have done an emergency C-section or other procedure to save her. At present we think this will end our attempts at extending our family as fate has apparaently been telling us something and the pain is still too fresh.

We don't plan on any special service. We had her baptised in the church by our pastor. We plan to have her cremated and we will spread her ashes at the roots of a new tree we plan to plant in our front yard.

One of our biggest fears was how our daughter would respond. She already was getting some teasing from the other kids at school prior to this about her not being a big sister. WE decided to tell her the truth that she was truly a big sister and that her sister died. She would not come home. She didn't grasp that so on Saturday we took her to the funeral home where we allowed her to hold her baby sister . We took picutres so that we can explain to her as she grows older that this was her sister and that she truly is a Big sister.

She is the real trooper and has done marvelously. TO be truthful its not fair but she really is the one thing that is bouying our spirits up. Thats too much too ask for a 4 yr old but she is a marvel.

Again I thank all here for the outpouring of support. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

I hope you all will understand tho' the only thing that will get us through this is time. I appreciate everyones ear as I find the writing of these things as cathartic even if it brings on another set of tears.

	09-06-2004 08:27									#92
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:nods: indeed. telling the story may be painful, but it expresses the pain, and gives the pain less power over you. again, my condolances.

	09-06-2004 08:49									#93
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That's so sad. May God ease your anguish, bring peace to your family.

I had a third brother, he would have been the eldest of three. He had defects and died before I was born. Name was Eric. He's family...always will be. I hope I get to meet him in heaven some sunny day.

	09-06-2004 10:02									#94
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No tears "smilie", so will have to do

	09-06-2004 10:04									#95
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quote: Originally posted by Ogie Oglethorpe Likewise this represents our third consecutive miscarriage albeit this one hurts most as Gabrielle was certainly viable (While the other two were first term)

wow

	09-06-2004 17:21									#97
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You don't seem to be making demands on Madison - she is just there for you as you are there for her.

Plainly you and your wife are going to remember little Gabrielle and you do sensibly, I think, to involve Madison in that. My mother lost a child in a time before she met my dad and while married to someone else. It did not sit comfortably with my parents that my mum had divorced and re-married (society had very different attitudes about such things not so very long ago) and they never talked about it. It has not seemed right to probe but from time to time I have wondered just a bit about my older step brother or sister even though he or she died in infancy before I was born. I think Madison will appreciate taking her part in remembering her sister - despite the sadness. Or, in part, because of it.

Stay close to your wife.

You have a good pastor.

	09-06-2004 23:10									#98
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I actually cried when I read your story. My heart goes out to you and your family. I also hope your wife will come out of this tragedy ok.

There are more I want to say but I think this is enough for now. I wish nothing but the best for you all.

	10-06-2004 00:37									#99
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Condolences.

	10-06-2004 06:51									#102
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My prayers are with you and your entire family.

	10-06-2004 16:23									#104
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quote: Originally posted by Ogie Oglethorpe One of our biggest fears was how our daughter would respond. She already was getting some teasing from the other kids at school prior to this about her not being a big sister. WE decided to tell her the truth that she was truly a big sister and that her sister died. She would not come home. She didn't grasp that so on Saturday we took her to the funeral home where we allowed her to hold her baby sister . We took picutres so that we can explain to her as she grows older that this was her sister and that she truly is a Big sister.

That was really brave of you. I remember my dad telling how hard it was to explain to my brothers that they had to go home from the hospital empty-handed when they had been expecting a baby brother. (My parents had six boys, of which 3 died before or during birth).

But kids understand more about death than you could expect. I remember my own girl, when we visited Granddad's grave for the first time (she was not yet 3 years old) and I tried to explain to her:
- Granddaddy is sleeping here under the lawn.
- But dad, how can someone sleep when he is dead?

	11-06-2004 00:05									#105
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quote: We had her baptised in the church by our pastor. We plan to have her cremated and we will spread her ashes at the roots of a new tree we plan to plant in our front yard.

Yes, you have a good pastor.

	11-06-2004 02:47									#106
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No words are sufficient, Ogie

...

	11-06-2004 06:14									#107
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"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

My deepest sympathies.

	11-06-2004 15:37									#108
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Ogie,

I'm so sorry.

This happened in my family three times, and the last one sticks in my mind as the saddest event of my childhood. Like your daughter my little brother was coming along very nicely before he was lost. Unlike you we didn't acknowledge it very well and the months following were very difficult for us as we all suffered individually the loss that we should have suffered together. I know it isn't easy for you, and won't be. But I am happy to hear that you are taking the steps to deal with this grief in the best way that you can.

Brother, if there was some way I could hug you through the internet....

	11-06-2004 19:23									#109
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My thoughts are with you and your family. A very difficult time that you are handling with grace and thoughtfulness.

	11-06-2004 20:09									#110
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I felt like crying when I read that Ogie.

Last edited by Sir Og on 11-06-2004 at 20:15

	12-06-2004 14:51									#111
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My wife and I have six kids. However, numbers 2, 5, and 6 had twins that were lost (the most recent last year when she was 38). We didn't give up and we love the ones we are blessed with. Words cannot describe the feeling...

	13-06-2004 00:12									#112
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My tears won't help you but I shed them anyway. I feel for you, your wife and your daughter.

	13-06-2004 06:33									#113
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Nothing we could say or do will lessen the grief all this means. I hope you find comfort within you and your family through time and faith.
Wishing for strenght..receive my condolences.
C.

	14-06-2004 11:00									#114
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My Condolences Ogie

	14-06-2004 17:56									#115
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Again my thanks to all here.

Your well wishes are appreciated.

Today marks my first foray back to work so for me I will return to a normality of sorts. My wife will be taking a full 6 week recovery time for delivery. Hopefully the daily breakdowns will lessen as the grieving process continues. She feels some guilt as she thinks there was something/anything she might have done to prevent it. I keep telling her otherwise but hopefully with time.....

Again I wish to thank each and everyone of you for your kind thoughts.

Last edited by Ogie Oglethorpe on 14-06-2004 at 18:07

	14-06-2004 19:08									#116
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Don't blame or second guess yourselves. And don't give up.

	14-06-2004 19:09									#117
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The process of delivering a baby is hard enough on a woman at the best of times. It can be easy to see how hard the physical part is but sometimes there seems to be an emotional aspect (post natal depression or whatever) that is just as hard, or harder.

My heart goes out to all who have the grief and the emotional turmoil of a still birth to cope with on top. Particularly to your wife, Ogie.

At least she has you to comfort her.

	15-06-2004 05:28									#118
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Sorry.

	16-06-2004 04:07									#119
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Hey man.

I've just noticed this thread...

I'm so sorry for you.

I can't offer anything to help, besides my deepest regret and sympathy for you and your entire family.

I hope Madison will get the opporunity she wanted to be a perfect and loving elder sister.

I am sure Madison and her future siblings will get warm loving and gracious parents.

May you suffer no more.

*hug*

	16-06-2004 08:22									#120
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Ogie, one thing that has shone through all of your posts:

You have an absolute treasure in Madison.

Not that you needed me to point it out, but hopefully it will help knowing that even the goons from the OT notice it.