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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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"You are not going to be involved in this game?" Kody asked.
Well, may be not. I don't know. Ever since reading that roleplay post Kody wrote for Micha, I felt I suddenly lost all my interest for any kind of roleplay. Why did he have to mention Jamski...
Time is the best medicine, I told myself. He'll live. There are other things and other people in this world too. Like the always grumpy obstructor who's leading the Gaians. I just couldn't help to worry for them. Although the help seemed to be unwanted ...
And Enigma seemed to be changing. Still talks straight and annoying sometimes, like he is above all the others. But he started to be able to listen, and not get all violent against the slightest criticism.
I was so happy that the Angels are willing to give him a home. Perhaps he won't be as disruptive like he was when he was in the Hive.
And then Geo said he would leave. And nobody other than me seemed to care, and be curious why such an active and able player suddenly wanted to quit the team that he cared for.
Hercules seemed to be content that Enigma to be their turn player. He had a good early game record after all. Whether the rumors about the extremely good luck is not heard, or just not cared, I don't know. Guess we could always hope for the best, that Enigma plays honorably and does not make the Angels an abusive place.
I guess this forum will be open too when the game is over. And all will see what I was thinking including the people I commented on. And they may be mad. But I can always leave this place too, as Jamski and Geo. It is so hard when people you care are going away, and the game you used to care is filled with not so pretty spirits. I can always fight for what I believe. To try my best making something beautiful, and an experience that is memoriable. But it is so hard to fight alone.
It is only a game. Nobody needs it to live. But I still hate to see those kids gets frustrated and depressed over it. It is so hard to give it up.
The road ahead is going to be long and rough.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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PM to Hercules yesterday:
quote:
I so wanted to nominate Geo myself and set the election going, instead of automatically set Enigma to be the turn player. Makahlua is not going to be able to counter balance Enigma. She would be totally dominated. I have warned you. And now I will try to stay away from your internal affair. 
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PM to Drogue, Kody, Hercules, and GeoModder:
quote:
Data Angels affair
Looks like everybody is jubilant about the extremely good luck that the Data Angels received, just as I predicted. And now they are knowningly committing cheating. And again, just as I predicted, he is using Makahlua. And this is only the first turn.
I would be damned if I let this go. I can be tolerant, but I cannot tolerate actions with ill intents. You can bet that I'll fight against this.
Drogue, it is time for us to see how you are going to maintain the integrity of the game.
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[Edit] name spell
Last edited by Snowflake on 01-07-2004 at 21:25
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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PM in reply to Kody
Kody's PM omitted
quote:
I logged it at my own CMN diary. I believe the fair thing to do is to restart the game, and Engima be forbidden to be the turn player for the Angels, until he can prove that he is an honest player. He can still stay in the team, and contribute to turn plans. He just can't touch the turn. All teams would be request to repeat the exact moves they had before, but pop result do not have to be the same. It the luck factor, they may get better result, or worse. Like what Drogue ruled in the Morgan's starting tech issue.
I do not have moderator power. I believe Drogue will not let this go easily. If he does, I will not be silent. You know me. I'm not that kind of a person. I would move for a vote in the CMN forum, and sought for an unanimous vote against Drogue's ruling. If necessary, I will start a poll in the public forum. If further necessary, I will resign as a CMN, and I'll quit the game. I have wanted to quit earlier anyway.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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Already made mistakes, and arguing violently. I thought it is kind of like the Hive, only lacking the cozzy loving feeling.
I feel sorry that I dragged all those people into this. And I'm so tired I don't have the strength to talk to each and every person. Perhaps I should stop worrying for others. If they can get along, they get along, if they can't, they can't. I sent a PM to Darsan, but at my current state, I'm not sure if the PM is the best that I could say.
Geo's doing great, volunteering as ambassador/infiltrator and all. But I still regret dragging him back in.
Why do I always have to bother people. How many people have I kept draging into deep trouble the last time. Kody, Jamski, roko, rubin, ... I really need to quit this game.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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Obstructor said that he would leave the game because of Enigma. Smacksim was not happy to see this, plus what's been happening in Bear Baiting thread.
What Kody fails to see, is that this is not about Enigma. It's not about one person. Animosty flows around, poisoning the entire place. Being a CMN means great responsibility. It is not a crusade against one person. It is to upheld what is right, and to guide those who are lost.
It is not bad because obstructor wants to leave. It is bad because if we do not act correctly and promptly more and more people will be leaving. It is the rapport that we are lacking. The environment that people supports each other, in stead of banishing each other. The environment that people understand and tolerant each other, instead of resent and afraid of each other.
Kody's feeling resentful about the fact that my post effectively forced his hand. He felt that he was the one who's taking the hit while I was the one that is doing the deed. What he didn't realize, or he didn't want to realize, is that Enigma is intelligent enough to see who started this. I think Kody is resentful not really because he believes that Engima will hate him. He is resentful because he was forced to do something he is reluctant to do. Perhaps he even views this as I had betrayed his trust and friendship, that I have sold him down the river.
Jamski also thinks I'm ruthless.
Perhaps I am such a person. I'm always proud of my loyalty to my friends. But when it comes to what I believe is the right things to do, I always do it, no matter how hard and painful it is. Yes even when I was fearful.
Is there another way for one to deal with moments like this, when one has to choose whether to hurt her friend, or to give up her belief?
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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I am overjoyed. I PMed Engima earlier today. While I was writing the last post, I received his response. And I am so happy.
quote:
Enigma,
I'm glad that you were forthcoming in admiting that you had been using former reactivation exploits and so on. Bear Baiting is essentially a game that were set up for all the others to rally against you. I understand the pressure you are facing.
I know you know how to reload without getting the reload warning. Using this exploit can be so rewarding, and play without exploits can often been punishing if one encounters bad random incidents. The reward, however, may lie in the end, when you can tell yourself that you are strong enough to fight your old habit, even if it is so hard, and that you were able to achieve your win without having to resort to exploits.
I know that you have been trying to fight your old habit. I believe in HoF you have tried to play without exploits. It is hard to fight habits. It is always so easy and tempting to fall back to ones old habit. In HoF there were many times I wanted to reactivate those formers. In Long Road I've been using that expoit, because it is not prohibited. And you won't be surprised to know that I'm leading the game. I will not say that it is the exploit that gives me the entire lead, but I can certainly say that it helped, and a lot. It is hard to resist from using an exploit, especially when you have used it before and know how powerful and easy it is. There was once when I played the HoF turn I clicked on one former, but stopped before I go further, and saved the game. I came back in half an hour and ended the turn without using the exploit. I felt relieved after I sent the turn out. I knew I would feel regret if I did the other way, for I'd know that I failed in front of temptation.
I know you love this place, and this game. I have seen how much you have changed since I first met you. Yes I was actually very pleasantly surprised when I saw the change in your posting style. You have great intellectual capability. And I belive you also have the will power to do what you set up to achieve.
Therefore I want to offer you a pact. On the bases that you promise you will fight your old habits, I will stand with you, fight for you when you are questioned and challenged. For the Bear Baiting game, I'm willing to be your submissive pactmate and abandon my pacts with the others. I will help you to conqure the others, without wanting to share your glory of winning. Pacting with me may not be as beneficial as using exploits, but you'd have my complete trust. You'll gain a heart.
If you are willing, we can then annouce to the thread. That you will start fighting your old habit, and Kody can check and verify for you. And I will be your permanent submissive pactmate.
Do you want to do it?
Hong
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His response is "affirmative". I have not obtained his permission so I will not post his PM here. But it is moving. And I'm happy for him. He could be lying to me, so I would continue to believe him. However he is smarter than that. He knows it is very easy for Kody to verify if he has cheated. And he says that if be going clean he would lose 10% chance of winning, but gaining 400% of chances of playing games with others, he'd go for it. And I believe him.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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Heck what if he's so messed up right now and couldn't care less to reply about permissions of posting PMs.
Here's the hope that we have just destroyed.
quote:
quote:
Bear Baiting is essentially a game that were set up for all the others to rally against you. I understand the pressure you are facing. |
You guys have 27 pods between you, and I have 9.
You're also able to leapfrog tech.
You also have commerce.
That's an Energy, Pop and Tech advantage! @_@;;
It's not temptation so much as being used to a playstyle.
Coming straight out of single-player, where SAVE / LOAD was a fundamental component of play, and turns came around instantly.
And since I've reduced the amount of complaints I have for fast turns...
quote: I belive you also have the will power to do what you set up to achieve. |
I believe what you ask is within my abilities.
I do not believe that I can achieve whatever I put my mind to,
as I am failing in my quest to protect Children from Ignorance.
quote: For the Bear Baiting game, I'm willing to be your submissive pactmate and abandon my pacts with the others. |
Then I insist the game be restarted.
The problem is, you're likely to be invaded and 0wn3d by the other 5 players.
I doubt I can get my (4x-3-1) alien machines there in time.
That said, Co-op victory is on. Presuming we both survive, we both can win. 
quote: Do you want to do it? |
Affirmative.
As I see it, I must do what I can to win the most games.
I will be able to play many more games if I am clean
So if going clean reduces my ability to win by 10% and increases the number of playable games by 400%
...
Clean it is!
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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I have decided to leave ACDGIII. It has been a hard road, but it is also rewarding.
I have stated to Drogue the reason for my leaving.
quote:
I feel that we have mistreated Enigma. No matter how bad one person has acted before, it does not given us right to mistreat him.
We have decided not to take action against Enigma at the first turn when we had suspected that he cheated because we didn't have enough evidence. This has not changed. We know that he later tried to play honestly in his replay turn and the third turn when he was the turn player. The only real accusation right now is that he might have tried played ahead in the second turn when Maki was the turn player. While we didn't give Maki any punishment for her offense, I do not feel Enigma should be receiving this uncomparably harsh punishment. Especially when it is clear that he has realized his mistakes, apologized openly about his past offenses in the pbems (which cannot be used against him in the Demo game), he has stated in public that he will never do it again, and he wants to learn how to work with people in the demo game, and he realizes that his teamate will not support cheaters. In my mind, the most suitable discipline action for Engima is not to allow him to act as a turn player, but allow him to stay in the team.
However, I also understand that some players have indicated that they will leave if Enigma does not leave. The ACDG is already filled with animosity. Keeping Engima will not be a wise decision. Therefore as the moderator, the only decision you can make is to banish Enigma to appease the public.
My leaving the ACDG is a protest against the unfairness of the sociaty and the collective consciousness.
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It is somewhat sad to realize that all of these could have been avoided. From the start of the game I have hated to be the subject of a competition about who has the most and best spam, who is the most favorate mod, who has the right predictions and who has the work cut out for her. It is kind of disheartening that a young man has to be completely destroyed just to prove a point, that one is more right than the other. It is so dangerous to play god, to know that one has the power to determine when the other would die.
Power game, is this what they call it? I have never, ever, wanted to be involved in something stupid like that. But the hardest as I tried, I could not avoid it. I could not prevent the using of a human being as the sacrifice of such a game. Perhaps the real mistake, is that I shouldn't have accepted and wanted to become a CMN in the first place.
Enigma's leaving would mean the game is less contentious. My leaving would mean the game is out of the hidden tension. The game will be more enjoyable for everyone. I have believed that I can help to make the world a little more beautiful. Sometimes help means to give up on herself.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003 time: 23:37
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quote:
Come fly with me, lets fly, lets fly
Do you still remember the serenity of the little quiet lake; do you still remember the turbulence of the deep blue sea? What has caused you to lose everything you have; what has caused you to disappear? Where has the wind carry you; to whose ears have you told your whispers? Have you been dancing around the stars; have you been wandering among the clouds? Was it cold up there high in the sky; was it lonely away from whom your love? When you turned into a little snow crystal, did anybody know the pains that went through your heart?
Life is so short and beauty is so fragile, why don’t you forget everything and come fly with me?
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I have received many nicest communications from others. They've been so patient with me, and made me believe perhaps I should forget everything and start over. The game is going smoothly, and as scared as I was to come back I couldn't get myself completely away from this place. I've been thinking that too much hatred and discontent has accumulated in my heart. What has happened to that innocent and happy girl when she started fall in love in this little place?
Perhaps I could start over, and become that girl who only has love in her heart once again. When one has unfulfilled desires, it will poison her heart. When I entered the Spartans forum, I felt my heart is grinded one more time. I started to doubt if it is the wrong decision to come back after all.
Don't be bitter. Let the past pass.
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