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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:35
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 Planet is truly a beautiful place |
In this issue:
*Citizens of Gaia's Landing marvel at alien technology
*Interview with Captain Laurentius
*Elections of 2107.
*In further developments of fungus as a food...
*Strange radiosignals being received all over Gaian Union
*Baby found in fungus: faction wonders what happened
*Literary section
*Quote of the day:
*Entertainment section
*Advertisement
*Other news in brief
*New: A contest!
*Hagar the Gaian
Citizens of Gaia's Landing marvel at alien technology!
As you many of you already know, some years ago, our scout patrol unit explored a Unity Pod signal in sector 26-75B northwest of Gaia's Landing. Unity Pod signal was a fake one, as Scout Patrol determined while exploring. Radiowaves were in fact emitted by ancient alien beaconing device. Upon further investigation, Scout Patrol ventured upon ancient robotic unit, codenamed BattleOgre. All research shows that it is most likely of extraterrestrial origin, since spectrographic analysis showed that BattleOgre alloys are partially composed from ununoctium isotopes, which has completely shocked the scientific community. "Ununoctium was element that scientist on Earth tried to create for decades, but they never managed to actually do it. Research on that was abandoned some time before the Six minute war. Ununoctium nucleus decays less than a millisecond after its formation by emitting an alpha-particle. This results in an isotope of element 116 (mass number 289, containing 116 protons and 173 neutrons). This isotope of element 116, is also radioactive and undergoes further alpha-decay processes to an isotope of element 114 and so on down to at least element 106. Despite that, BattleOgre survived for millions of years; team of xenoarcheologists has estimated age of 76.5 million years (based on radiometric age dating of part of the Ogre containing small amount of uranium) which means that it was left there in the time when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth! Unfortunately, as the secret of stabilizing ununoctium eludes us, we are going to be unable to replicate advanced technology of the BattleOgre, or even repair it. Commander of the Gaian Defense Forces Lord Darsnan, and Chairman of GAIA Lord Illuminatus said that Battle Ogre posses advanced weapon and armor systems, and is capable of selfsupport and control. After some years of exploration, BattleOgre has finally came to our capitol, where it will serve for defense and police duties. Rare drones in Gaia's Landing have already given up their rebellious thoughts after seeing the tremendous figure of the BattleOgre. This will also provide permanent security, since many still question how the colony pod Hope came to be destroyed by mindworms. Captain Laurentius has asked that the BattleOgre is renamed to Pegasus, and Lord Darsnan has granted him that favour.
On questions how Gaian Union gained control of the BattleOgre, Lord Illuminatus said that captain of the Scout Patrol team, Laurentius should have the honor of telling this. You can read the interview with Captain Laurentius below.
Interview with Captain Laurentius
It was a chilly tuesday evening turning into night. One of my intelligence officers was scanning the usual frequences because a small recon team of ours had gone missing or stealth mode few hours earlier during a routine operation of search for unity pods. The radio silence indicated that they had either found something, or were in trouble. Just after 3 am our scanners picked up a signal. It was unlike the ones we used and it was growing stronger all the time. We locate the source was now just over the hills about 2 clicks from us there were no signs of life on our radars and scanners, so we proceeded to the site. There it was, a colossal ancient vehicle. After securing the site I had some of my engineers to go look at the machine - they discovered its maneuvering system and cracked the security locks that had been automatically gone on, we were then able to transport the Ogre back to camp for further studies.
There the engineers were able to startup the vehicle, which seemed to be automated. We all took cover and targeted the Ogre, as we did not known if the vehicle will attack us. Soon the Ogre started to move and it scanned us. We were ready to defend, as pointless as it would be, but then we realised that the Ogre isn't hostile towards us! Soon it started to emit strange sounds, like an attempt to speak. We were unable to respond. Suddenly, I got an idea. We programmed our handheld computer and holoprojector to display parts of the Datalinks in front of the Ogre. For all we knew, Ogre could be a sentient being and it was our duty to make contact with him. After several hours Ogre has assimilated enough knowledge to speak to us. It seemed to be programmed to adapt to every new condition. The Ogre spoke: "BattleUnit 3456 ready for input of new orders." We are completely taken by surprise. The Ogre was basically offering itself to us! Also, the designation stirred many questions: were they really thousands of this units on Planet? In that case the faction that would seize most of them would be unstoppable. We started to ask questions to Ogre and we found out many things: it's makers left the planet a long time ago (his internal chronometer failed after first two milion years) after a long fight in which many of the Ogres were destroyed. The remaining ones were left and they went into a kind of "sleep" mode until new commanders came for them. It assumed that we are his new commanders. So far, Ogre posses intelligence and selfcontrol, but is not truly sentient and wishes only to serve us. It may be given complex orders and is fully inderstanding now that it is part of the Gaian Defense Forces of the Gaian Union. It was studied first naturally, and it is completely harmless - for us  .
 Why did I name it Pegasus? As you know I have been closely assosiated with the Cult of the Shrike as well as the Templar Brotherhood of Muir. The pegasus is one of the reincarnations of the Muir, the Shishigami, the giver and taker of life. In the cults mythology, which was mainly imported from old Earths Japan, the Shishigami was the gread of living on a small lake in the center of the forest, and every night when the moon light shined, it grew from its daily pegasus shape into a magnificent 50 metre high wandering spirit who was made of starstuff.
Elections of 2107.
Elections of 2107. Went as expected, with all officials being reelected with the exception of Lord Illuminatus that replaced Lord Obstructor. 67 percent of the Gaians voted on the two day elections, which is a significant increase compared to first elections. Next elections have been scheduled to early spring of year 2112. Lady Deirdre congratulated the winners on retaining their positions.
Baby found in fungus: faction wonders what happened
A infant has been found by a mindworm exploration division (MED). Chief empath, Lindly, describes the event: “As we [empath/mindworm in direct empathic connection decribe themselves as we] were mapping the fungus roads in sector 15-65K, we sensed weak emanations of a human consciousness. Knowing that there are not supposed to be any Gaians in vicinity we immediately rushed towards the source. We expected to see a scout of another faction that has survived Planetfall, perhaps injured after mindworm attack, but we soon sensed that something is wrong. Consciousness seemed so simple and fragile, yet tranquil even as it was in a middle of a vast fungal field, almost like a wild mindworm. Mindworm Promethea first sensed it was a child, when it telepathically asked me why would we leave human larvae in fungus. I was absolutely shocked when I realised what Promethea was telling me. At first I thought a group of colonists fell victim to mindworm attack and the infant survived, but I was amazed when we saw an infant, lying in fungus without any breathing mask! It is also unknown why child has not been harmed by native lifeforms, even as exact time of exposure to the native environment is unknown. Child was calm and infact we sensed happiness in it when the baby noticed Promethea. Promethea quickly rearranged herself to carry the baby towards the nearest base with utmost speed. We actually met a medical team 50 kilometres east from it which administered some help.”
Baby has been examined and DNA comparison has shown no match with any DNA of a Gaian, so we assume that baby derives from a splinter group of colonists. Area is patrolled in case someone comes in search for it, but its parents are most likely dead. Medical examination has shown that the baby is in perfect health and shows no traces of nitrogen narcosis! Child has already been adopted by a family whose identity has not been revealed.
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In further developments of fungus as a food...
Independent researcher Net Warrior has put forth a plan to the Gaian goverment for thirty-five credits a year to fund the development of a chemical solution that would be able to transform large blooms of fungus into pancakes. Net Warrior said that this was his way of paying back to the people, and that it would surely benefit everyone, since it is impossible not to love apple-fungus pancakes! Net Warrior is under investigation in a case of industrial espionage against Kell-G corporation, who developed many of the fungus processing techniques, including that of manufacturing the pancakes. No members of the Gaian council were available to comment on the possibility of funding being made available for Net Warrior's research, but they have said that this methods are not ecologically disruptive.
Strange radiosignals being received all over Gaian Union
Radioastronomers across Gaian Union claim to receive strange radio emissions from yet unidentified source on surface of one of the moons. Reports claim that pointing the telescopes directly into the Pholus moon increases the likelyhood of reception of this emissions. Gaian Lordship of Progress still has not confirmed or rejected claims that there is a human civilisation thriving on Pholus moon. This matter is under urgent investigation and Council of Lords is supposed to have an urgent session based on the full report of the Lordship of Progress that is currently being assembled. Until then, all rumours are to be considered false.
Literary section
Read the novelisation of the Pegasus finding by Captain Laurentius: Me, myself and Pegasus. Available in your bases now!
Read 101 Gardening Tips for Fungus by Smacksim
New! Lady Deirdre's Secret Lover (unauthorised fiction)
Old Gaian and the Sea by Earns T. Heamingwain
Be sure to get first edition of Encyclopedia Gaianica!
Book "How I survived the mindworm attack" - by Susan Dry, one of 26 survivors of the Hope massacre.
Quote of the day:
From the dust of the earth, from the common elementary fund, the
Creator has made Homo sapiens. From the same material he has made
every other creature, however noxious and insignificant to us. They
are earth-born companions and our fellow mortals. The fearfuly good,
the orthodox, of this laborious patch-work of modern civilization
cry Heresy on every one whose sympathies reach a single hairs breadth
beyond the boundary epidermis of our own species. Not content with
taking all of earth, they also claim the celestial country as the
only ones who possess the kind of souls for which that imponderable
empire was planned. -- John Muir
Entertainment section
Tonight on Green TV: Second part of legendary trilogy: Lord of the Trees: Tall Trees.
Green House: new series commenting on state of art in today's culture.
Travel series: Joan Attenbourghesky visits Great Fungal Wastes.
Artist show: Garland orchester plays the great works of W.A. Mozart.
Poetry hour: Edgar A. Poe William Wordsworth
Also new season of famous Forestwatch series.
Advertisement
Garland orchestra is looking for a flautist. Report to it in Central Alley 4.
Empath Guild offers new ways of relaxation to Gaians. Interested should come into Empath Guild Hall next Monday in early morning.
Architecture Centre opens competition for new pillar in Gaia's Landing - read details at guw.architecturecentre.org.
Want to be xenoarcheologist? Apply for study at Fallow Times Hall.
Botanist Garden prepares trip to seacoast - all interested please apply.
Buy Worm Loops! Extra special flavor, and each piece of cereal is formed like an authentic Gaian mindworm! Plus, check the back of the box for a special offer to purchase a plushie Gaian mindworm for only 3 credits! Also, check for the specially marked boxes of Worm Loops with Fungus! Try and find the mindworms buried in the replications of real fungal patches!
Check in the cereal area of your local distribution center!
*mindworms at the end of their lifecycles are used
Buy Wormies today
Other news in brief
-Third anniversary of tragic death of the crew of our third colony pod Hope memorated. Lady Deirdre vows for better understanding of native life to prevent such tragedies in the future.
-Gaians sight multiple snowflakes.
-Xenodoughnut farm finished, Lords wonder who gave the order for construction. Lord Octavian is reported missing since the opening of the xenodoughnut farm.
-Most Gaians visit the coast for relaxation, work pools drastically decreased.
-Ecological Malcontents movement stirs up more controversy
-Lord Hydro vanishes once again
-Cartoonist hit by lightning after finishing latest episode, divine intervention suspected
-Instead of article, Smacksim publishes a book, VotP office still requests promised material.
Contest!
Voice of the Planet Office has opened a contest! The person that correctly counts the number of legs of the elephant on the photo below and PMs the publisher shall win the contest. Be carefull, the task is not as simple as it seems
How many legs do you see?
Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Ouro_827, Smacksim and Net Warrior.
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever.
No Gaian life has been harmed, except the cartoonist who was struck by mysterious divine lightning, mostly due to fact that staff is still running naked through the trees (what stamina) and has not yet met the punishment for not submiting promised articles.
In next issue read: report of Templar order of Muir, story about training in Empath Guild, update on strange radiotransmissions, and story about empathically gifted child !
Gaia'sLandingMY2117.0403093418.tr55h.
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Hagar the Gaian*
in episode: Game rules
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 23-07-2004 at 22:55
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23-07-2004 22:01
The Cybergorilla is in charge!!! 
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