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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:33
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 Gaia shall be reborn in our actions. |
In this issue:
*Twentieth Anniversary of Planetfall celebrated
*Extremists make gains
*Wonder child Dawn
*Exclusive! Contact established with other survivors of Unity!
*Templar Order of Muir
*New native lifeform discovered!
*Quote of the day
*Entertainment
*Other news in brief:
*Literary section
*Ask Fluffy
*Contest
*Hagar the Gaian
Twentieth Anniversary of Planetfall celebrated
Following 20th anniversary of the Planetfall, parade of the Gaian Defense Forces was held in Gaia's Landing. Mindworms, spore launchers, unity rovers, scout patrols, and Pegasus, were all members of the parade. Althrough that was not the intention, it is clear that Gaian Union currently has a sufficient army at disposal for exploration and defense. Most of units have been redeployed to the north for exploration tasks afterwards.
Lady Deirdre Skye afterwards held a speech concerning the history of Gaian Union. She mentioned numerous achievements made in twenty years, and laid out future goals that include growth, exploration, expansion and progress. The fact that Gaian Union has done little to disrupt native life was also mentioned.
Lindly, the leader of Gaian Youth also held a speech that made several remarks on the fact that in those twenty years entire Planetborn generation grew up into Gaians. "Earth is no longer home but a distant legend to us, but also Chiron is no longer alien to us, but our true home."
Extremists make gains
Althrough Ecological Malcontents movement has been banned by Lord Illuminatus, their sympathisers make gains in politics. On last elections for the Council 68 Lords that sympathise with the movement have been elected, making the possiblity that ban is revoked a reality. Lady Deirdre and all members of the High Council have refused to comment this. Begining of political resurrection of this movement started a year ago. Is this just the begining?
Wonder child Dawn
Today we visited the home of the Dawn family that has recently became famous for its child, Cha Dawn. As you probably already know, at the age of three, Cha Dawn is simply amazing! He already can walk, speak and read, he has already learned all about lower class mathematics and history, and test show that he has IQ of 265 for his age. Medical examination has shown that Cha Dawn is physically developing about 25 percent faster then other children of his age. Dawn family is at the same time both happy and worried with this. "We do not know who his biological parents were - we adopted him three years ago. He is truly a wonder child." We watched Dawn as he looked at nearby mindworm, almost mesmerised. He is attracted by native life, according to his parents. Empath Guild is very interested in the child, hoping it will show additional telepathic potential. Dawn parents have forbidden us to talk with Cha Dawn, saying they are very proud with him, but they do not want him to be under constant media siege, ever since he publically demonstrated giving simple orders to Promthea mindworm three weeks ago. We may give you an update soon.
Exclusive! Contact established with other survivors of Unity!
It appears that the remaining bridge crew of the Unity landed on the nearby Moon of Pholus with a colony pod containing only 20 survivors. Colony survives on supplies of frozen water that have been found and experts believe that the colony is sustainable for several hundred years. It seems that captain died, but rest of the command crew remained alive, with First Officer Drogue now in command. Lady Deirdre and First Officer Drogue had a long conversation over the commlink, and result was mutual acknowledgment of each others legitimacy. Gaian Union shall be considered as an indenpendent and sovereign country, while Drogue's authority shall be acknowledged in special issues.
Pleads for assistance in technology, map information, energy and other kind were refused, claiming it would disrupt neutrality of the outpost. Planet Busting weapons were also mentioned, to the horror of Gaian Union. However three Pholus Lunar Newscasts have been transmitted to Gaian Union as part of information exchange. It was revealed that Kody is actually not a Gaian citizen, but member of the Outpost who faked his identity (he was seen only in media) using command protocols. This also explains why Kody misteriously disappeared 10 years ago just after Lord Illuminatus reformed information networks.
Member of the Outpost, Snowflake has recently started to encourage spam (Serious Pollution and Malignity) in Gaian Union and has been warned that this is breaking the section Prime-1.12 of the Gaian Constitution. It is still to see if the warn has any effects.
This solves the secret of mysterious radiotransmissions.
Templar Order of Muir
You are probably familiar of the Urho Castle in Gaia's Landing, the Headquarters of the Brotherhood. The castle was made of white sandstones found east of the capital and it is capable to house up to 4000 people. It is accessed through the city catacombs. Templars pledged long ago to defend Gaia's Landing with their lives if necessary, from any enemy that attacks it. Templar Order is known to communicate with High Council and Lady Deirdre, and Captain Laurentius is known to be high ranking in the Order. However, five hundred Templars remains secretive about their daily lives. We know who is the current Templar champion. Larth Cusu, famous for his swordfighting skill. When we ask a Templar about their goals, all they respond is to "serve the order" and "protect the Gaia". GAIA doesn't considers the Order potentially dangerous, and has cooperated with it several times.
With Captain Laurentius away again, we cannot get allowance for a full interview. We will bring you more details on the issue in another occasion.
New native lifeform discovered!
While exploring a unity pod adrift, GDN Endeavor's Heart was suddenly surprised by a native lifeform that suddenly surfaced and swallowed the pod!
Subwater cameras recorded this
The ship retreated quickly, and Isle of the Deep (nicknamed lifeform) did not follow. Instead it vent in the opposite direction from the Gaian lands.
Lady Deirdre studied the data on the creature herself and this is what she concluded about the creature:
"The Isle of the Deep is really not a single creature but a colony of thousands of individual tubules, an aquatic vector of the Mind Worm which terrorizes Planet's continents. Over its lifetime certain tubules secrete a tough, gluelike substance which hardens to form the characteristic shell that floats the colony and creates the appearance of a rogue island."
From now on, GDN Endeavor's Heart and GDN Dauntless shall conduct joint ventures of exploring Unity pods, in case this lifeform appears again, in an effort to study it further.
We will try to get an interview when GDN Endeavor's Heart returns to our base on the coast. Meanwhile watch the documentary on Green TV.
Quote of the day
Oh Goddess, Source of Gods and Mortals,
All-Fertile, All-Destroying Gaia,
Mother of All, Who brings forth the bounteous fruits and flowers,
All variety, Maiden who anchors the eternal world in our own,
Immortal, Blessed, crowned with every grace,
Deep bosomed Earth, sweet plains and fields fragrant grasses in the nurturing rains,
Around you fly the beauteous stars, eternal and divine,
Come, Blessed Goddess, and hear the prayers of Your children,
And make the increase of the fruits and grains your constant care, with the fertile seasons Your handmaidens,
Draw near, and bless your supplicants.
-Orphic Hymn to Gaia
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Entertainment
In this issue, we present you with sea shanty that our sailors sing while on a mission. It originates from the first mission of GDN Endevaor's Heart, but sailors aboard recently aquired GDN Dauntless also love the song.
When Hydro and Cosmic and Colonyan, they walked the capstan round,
Upon the strangest craft that was ever seaward bound,
The music of their voices from tree to fungus rang,
As they sang the first sea shanty that Gaian sailors ever sang...
'Twas in twentyone hundred and three
In June, the thirteenth day
That our Gunfoil her anchor weighed
And for Hiveland sailed away, brave boys
And for Hiveland sailed away.
The lookout on the cross-trees stood
With a spyglass in his hand
There's a worm, there's a worm
There's a wormfish, he cried,
And she blows at every span, brave boys
She blows at every span.
The captain stood on the quarterdeck
And a fine little Gaian was he
Overhaul! Overhaul!
Let your native nets do fall
And launch your rafts for sea, brave boys
And launch your rafts for sea.
The rafts where launched with the men aboard
And the Isle of the Deep was in view
Resolved was each seaman bold
To steer where the wormfish blew, brave boys
To steer where the wormfish blew.
We netted that Isle, and the line played out
But she gave a flourish with her tail
The raft capsized and four gaians were drowned
And we never caught that Isle, brave boys
And we never caught that Isle.
To lose that worm, our captain said
It grieves my heart full sore
But, oh, to lose four gallant men
It grieves me ten times more, brave boys
It grieves me ten times more.
The winter star doth now appear
So, boys, we'll anchor weigh
It's time to leave this cold country
And homeward bear away, brave boys
And homeward bear away.
Oh, Hiveland is a dreadful place
A land that's never green
Where there's ice and snow
And the worm fishes blow
And daylight's seldom seen, brave boys
And daylight's seldom seen.'
Today on Green TV: apart from your favorite shows, remember to watch the final part of the Lord of teh Trees trilogy: Return of the Gardener.
Also, check the documentary about GDN Dauntless, and their first encounter with the dreaded Isle of the Deep!
In cooperation with PLO, we present you a sitcom, "A day in mods life" - watch pilot episode tonight!
Also watch CGI movie - A worm's life!
Soon - documentary about voyages of GDN Endeavor's Heart
Other news in brief:
*Cartoonist mysteriosly brought back to life: makes new
episodes.
*Gaian Navy Doubles in size after exploration of a Unity Pod
*Lord Illuminatus loses documents: other Lords laugh at him
*Other factions surprised with speed of publishment of this issue
*Readers accuse this newspaper for mindreading
*Lord Octavian eats half of xedoughnut yields: farmers surprised
*Gaian scientist report nearing to end of research of Advanced Japanisation (E3)
*Cartoonist accused for publishing episodes in Recreation Commons
*One word in this sentence is wrong
*Morganite helps VotP to surprise of everyone
Literary section
Lady Deirdre Publishes A Comparative Biology of Planet - be sure to read it! Updated with newest information on Isle of the Deeps
First compilation of Gaian Acolyte's Prayers published - quality poetry!
Voyages of Endevaor's Heart published by Lord Cosmic.
How to raise an Empath child - straight from Empath Guild
The place of Empaths in modern society by Lord Maelstorm
Advertisement
Lord of Diplomatic Affairs looks for skillful diplomats for diplomatic negotiatons.
If you are not seasick join the Gaian Defense Navy! Join the navy, visit an explore strange new lands and enjoy the trip!
New Museum of Arts opens in Fallow Time next week.
Possible contestants for Gaian Olympics apply to Council of Lords Subcomittee for Sports.
If you wish to join our faction use this
(advised to contact Illuminatus about this)
Treehugging is good for your health! Hug tree at least twice a week (warning: do not confuse trees and cactuses )
Ask Fluffy
Fluffy, the long-time companion of Lady Deirdre Skye, has been asked for his Planet-wise advice for years. Now this advice comes to you.
Dear Fluffy: I’ve hear the term ‘former rush’ for years and it’s been driving me crazy! What is a ‘former rush’, and how exactly does a former rush? This doesn’t make sense. Help! Signed – Very Confused
Dear VC – I can understand your confusion, and I’m here to help! First, let’s look at the origin of the words. ‘Former’ means one who makes or builds. Now, a rush is pliable reed that can be used to construct useful items like baskets or furniture. So, this means that a ‘former rush’ is a type of reed that is used by skilled artisans. Simple!
Dear Fluffy: I’m beside myself with worry. My 14 year old daughter Mally has been seeing this Morganite businessman who is at least 30 years older than her! He showers her with gifts and tells her she loves her and that she’s beautiful. She’s drifted away from me, and I think she may run away with Mr. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do! Help me Fluffy! Signed –Very Worried
Dear VW – I’m glad you came to me, and not a moment too soon. Your concern is real, and I can help. First, tell your daughter that you support her decision and want to help her in strengthen her love. To do that, send her to a guidance counselor – me. I’ll lay it on the line, and let her know what is really happening. Also, tell Mr. Wonderful that he needs to enhance his ‘performance’ by seeing a world famous Gaian Erotic Consultant – also me. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist. Have him meet me for lunch tomorrow. We’ll chat about life and procreation – mine, that is. I’ve been getting rather hungry lately and am willing to make the sacrifice for you, Ms. VW, even if Morganites leave a bad taste in my mouths.
Dear Fluffy: My boyfriend Marlo and I have a disagreement and we want you to resolve it for us. I think running naked through the trees should be done in the morning so the dew clings to your skin, creating a glistening ring of cool droplets that caress the body. It’s exhilarating! Marlo loves to run at twilight when the last of the sultry breezes waft through the trees, bringing sweet pine scents that have a certain…enhancing power. We just can’t decide. Help us Fluffy! Signed – Sarah and Marlo
Dear S&M – Wow, I can see your problem. Luckily the solution is simple – do both! Set aside time in the morning and evening. This way you both can enjoy the scintillating pleasures of the dawn and dusk.
Contest
Winner of the previous contest is: Pedro "Maniac" Riveira of the Spartan Federation! Upon receiving HQ coordinates prize shall be delivered to him. Meanwhile, here is replacement prize - an interesting test, fit for a Spartan. For a more Gaian type of prize we also offer him this wallpaper.
For disrupting contest we present Micha with a antiprize - a week of vacation in Brood Pit.
Meanwhile new contest is at hand - to win this contest you need to write up a short story why do you like/hate mindworms. The most humorous one shall win the contest. As before, PM the publisher.
Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Smacksim and Hydro.
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever.
No Gaian life has been harmed, and the cartoonist who was struck by mysterious divine lightning is fine again, most of staff is still running naked through the trees (what stamina) and has not yet met the punishment for not submiting promised articles.
In next issue read: possible update of the report of Templar order of Muir, story about training in Empath Guild, special report on Ecological Malcontents and report on native life and ecology!
Gaia'sLandingMY2120.011011645.tr10f.
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Hagar the Gaian*
in episode: Sealurk
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. We do nto not intend to disgrace the author and the character in any way, and if author requests, comic shall be removed. We appreciate the talent of the author and quality of the comic. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 28-07-2004 at 17:31
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28-07-2004 17:05
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