11-02-2005 20:42									#1
	I had a talk with my mother Enter the AD-FREE zone

So I had a long talk with my mother about my depression and feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness, the tears coming out and everything. She took it pretty hard and is now doubtful of even leaving me alone, afraid i'll do something to myself. I hurt her and she started crying afterwards, wish I had never told her now in hindsight really. I feel terrible and don't know what to do anymore, i'm still living at home and it's just the two of us here, we both affect eachother to much.

Making her cry all alone, me trying to console her with words while feeling like i was tearing apart inside of guilt. Where should i go now?
Don't know why i'm writing here just had to get it off my chest somehow.

	11-02-2005 20:50									#2
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Well distance in these things is always advisable? If you're not at risk of yourself I'd seriously consider moving out. These things tend to repeat themselves with love ones and depression, so even if you can't move out some distance may well be a good idea.

Other than that, counselling and some outlet for the way you feel is a good idea, preferably not involving self-harm but I'm not one to (nor am i in a position to) preach about it. Whatever helps.

	11-02-2005 20:56									#3
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You did the right thing. Her tears are concern and love for you. In a short time, they will turn into the support that you were seeking.

	11-02-2005 20:59									#4
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I've been treated for depression for a while and she thought it was getting better so I sank her hopes.

	11-02-2005 21:12									#5
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quote: Originally posted by Footie Mad I've been treated for depression for a while and she thought it was getting better so I sank her hopes.

That's just because she cares! She has something you need...hope. Rely on her strength...she sounds like she will be there for you.

	11-02-2005 21:15									#6
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The fact you were able to talk to her about it perhaps means you are actually getting better, in some way?

I don't know, but I agree with PLATO that you did the right thing in talking to her. People are usually a lot stronger than we think, I'm sure she can deal with it (and most likely is very relieved you actually trusted her enough to tell her the truth).

	11-02-2005 21:16									#7
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I found that talking about my depression stuff was a good start to getting help and starting to get better.

Good luck.

	11-02-2005 22:30									#8
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My wife frequently tells me that when you beging therapy, you will actually get worse before you begin to get better. That's because rather than trying to repress your emotions and and problems, you have to confront them.

As Verres said, the fact that you were able to reach out says you're getting better, because one of the things the disease makes you do is withdraw from others.

	11-02-2005 23:17									#9
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What's wrong with being hopeless and meaningless?

WTF do you think the rest of us are

	11-02-2005 23:25									#10
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Never go to your mother for help dealing with depression...

Everyone knows they're the source of all depression anyways...

	11-02-2005 23:41									#11
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i don't know what to say, honestly.

i'm torn between shrugging and saying something along the lines of:

quote: why the f* did you go ahead and do something like that? why couldn't you just be a decent human being and not spread the sh* and hurt that is this miserable life to someone else? why did you have to go and be rude and give someone else a burden they don't want?

and so on... which is some of what i really feel. which is something i can't get past, honestly, mostly because i still can't convince myself that keeping quiet, bottling things up and not being a burden on other people, not hurting them with the rudeness of revealing your own problems, is a bad thing.

it's not some f*cking john wayne thing, either. it's being nice for the sake of others, it's putting other people's comfort and well-being first. why make them worry over something that is your problem, and your problem only, especially when they can do jack sh*t to solve it?

...or telling you that you did the right thing. I mean, I can see the logic behind what Plato and so on are saying. like distributed computing, sharing problems resolves them faster, in a way, and often can make an insurmountable gordian knot easier to untangle.

i suppose it's good, but... do the people getting sh*t like this dumped on them... do they ever really ask for it? do they ever really ask to become part of the cluster?

so, footie (are you dojoboy from earlier, or am i just wrong entirely?)... i really don't know what to say here. except maybe, well, misery loves company. i hope things start looking better for you, someday, without a happy pill.

	11-02-2005 23:43									#12
	Re: I had a talk with my mother Enter the AD-FREE zone

quote: Originally posted by Footie Mad So I had a long talk with my mother about my depression and feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness, the tears coming out and everything. She took it pretty hard and is now doubtful of even leaving me alone, afraid i'll do something to myself. I hurt her and she started crying afterwards, wish I had never told her now in hindsight really. I feel terrible and don't know what to do anymore, i'm still living at home and it's just the two of us here, we both affect eachother to much. Making her cry all alone, me trying to console her with words while feeling like i was tearing apart inside of guilt. Where should i go now? Don't know why i'm writing here just had to get it off my chest somehow.

It sound like she doesn't have the capacity to support you, instead loading you with demands when you really don't need it. Consider getting some emotionel distance from her and finding support from someone who has the ability to make you feel better. Se loves you obviously, but you need to think of yourself first when you are so far down. If it is important for you to make her feel good then consider that the best way to do that is to take care of yourself until you are on top again. It should not be your responsibility to make her feel good when you are the depressed one.

	11-02-2005 23:44									#13
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Footie mad - is your team doing badly? I always get depressed when mine does.

	11-02-2005 23:50									#14
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quote: Never go to your mother for help dealing with depression... Everyone knows they're the source of all depression anyways...

Don't go to your wife either

	11-02-2005 23:51									#15
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True. True.

Anyway, about a year ago, I was quite depressed over a certain event in my life. I wouldn't say that I just got over it, but I did learn to deal with it and not let it affect my life. Oddly, the one thing that pushed me over the edge to feeling truly better was watching "Azumanga Daioh" for the first time. It's general innocence and overall feel-good attitude just melted me. Despite being far from manly, I walked away feeling much better about myself and life in general. Even now, watching it can pull me out of just about any deep blue funk that may come my way.

I'm not saying that this is the thing for you, but rather you may want to discover something that moves you no matter how inane or silly it might. Something that makes you feel good. Guilty pleasures and all that.

	11-02-2005 23:57									#16
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I think it's harder for some than others to "get over it" or "deal with it"... Some of us never get over it without dealing with it for a time. The best way to have that time pass is to do something to keep your mind off of it. DaShi

I'm not prone to depression, but I get into slumps that lasts for maybe a week at most. So, no big deal. I'm an alcoholic and quite sociable so my mood changes like the weather. It makes happy times happy, and when I'm depressed I ussually just remind myself that I was sad before, than happy, now I'm sad again, I will be happy again... Maybe I'm bipolar?

Anyway, a song I like says "It takes sometime to get away..." and it does.

	12-02-2005 00:30									#17
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Yes, it takes time. But you must actively work toward getting better during that time or you won't. The point of my post agrees with you: find something to get your mind off of unhappy things and thinking about happy things. However, it's not simply ignoring it. Instead it's not letting it get to you. When you're really depressed, this is hard. And sometimes just letting it out like in this thread is healthy and beneficial.

	12-02-2005 02:05									#18
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quote: Originally posted by Agathon Footie mad - is your team doing badly? I always get depressed when mine does.

Well it's preseason now and we're the reigning champs, so no.

	12-02-2005 03:08									#19
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It is a problem with mothers - they often worry more than the person themselves does - I know this is the case with mine, and she generally feels what I feel about the situations that happen.

	12-02-2005 10:28									#20
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Footie: What's your problem?

	12-02-2005 10:43									#21
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Depression, it appears.

	12-02-2005 10:52									#22
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How about doing something which makes you happy, then?

	12-02-2005 10:59									#23
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Clinical depression is generally held to be a biological disorder, caused by an abnormally low level of a particular chemical, usually serotonin, in the brain.

	12-02-2005 11:19									#24
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Often the best solution to depression and similar illnesses is to focus your thoughts on someone other than yourself, ie involve yourself in to lives of other people through helping them (maybe offer a weaker or handicapped person physical help or if you know more about computers than other people, assist them in that area), this makes you feel useful and helps in lifting feelings of depression.

	14-02-2005 12:43									#25
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I did counselling. The first thing they asked me was if there were any feelings I was holding back. That's the thing. We think that we can hold just one emotion and show all the others, but it doesn't work that way.

As for doing something fun, the problem is that everything that is usually 'fun' no longer feels fun. So you start to lose interest in things that gave you pleasure before.

The first thing that has to be done, is to let go of whatever you are holding onto. For me, it was anger that I kept bottled up. I had to find an appropriate outlet before I could get better.

The second part is the hard part. You have to overcome your isolation. The more you sit by yourself, the worse you are going to feel. You have to get yourself out around other people before you are getting better. Now, that being said, you don't have to spend all day with others, the key is to do just a little bit every day.

The third part is physical activity. Most of us are too sedentary, and that contributes to depression. Once we get out there, we will start to get better. Again, it's not about going to a full workload, but more about doing a little bit more each day.

For me, I also had the support of a church, which gave me an anchor when nothing else seemed to be steady. It gave me some structure that I could build everything else around. It also gave me the comfort to hope for the best, rather than worrying about my situation.

	14-02-2005 13:58									#26
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Footie Mad, what has your treatment for depression consisted of so far?

Also, it's interesting how different people react to depression in those close to them. Two of my closest friends I made while I was really depressed. My gf on the other hand avoids me if I'm depressed, she just can't deal with it.

	14-02-2005 14:39									#27
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Football Crazy

I have a favourite brother
And his Christian name is Paul.
He's lately joined a football club
For he's mad about football.
He's two black eyes already
And teeth lost from his gob,
Since Paul became a member of
That terrible football club.

(Chorus)
For he's football crazy,
He's football mad,
The football it has taken away
The little bit o' sense he had,
And it would take a dozen servants
To wash his clothes and scrub,
Since Paul became a member of
That terrible football club.

In the middle of the field, one afternoon,
The captain says, "Now Paul,
Would you kindly take this place-kick
Since you're mad about football?"
So he took forty paces backwards,
Shot off from the mark.
The ball went sailing over the bar
And landed in New York.

For he's football crazy ...

His wife says she'll leave him
If Paulie doesn't keep
Away from football kicking
At night-time in his sleep.
He calls out 'Pass, McGinty!"
And other things so droll
Last night he kicked her out of bed
And swore it was a goal!

For he's football crazy ...



Source: Singing Together, Autumn 1968, BBC Publications

Notes:
This is credited as an 'Irish Song.' According to a Mudcat thread from 2001 (quoting Adam MacNaughton), it was written by Glaswegian James Curran (born in Donegal, but grew up in Scotland) who died in 1900.