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Capt Dizle
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I attempted suicide by cop in 1980 before it was even known by that name, only I used a gun. I took a shot at two cops who fled and a tense standoff resulted during which I finally decided that I wasn't really interested in dying just then.
I got a 15 min psych eval and a ten year sentence. Somewhere between arrest and release my mental health returned and I got in the better part of 20 years of very happy living before falling prey to another bout of depression.
I am currently working on about 400 days of entries in my suicide diary, which probably helps to keep me going. Treatment hasn't helped.
Living without the capacity to experience joy or pleasure, but rather to endure unending stretches of inexplicable sadness can apparently go on forever. I look at suicide as something that I will do sooner or later pretty much like you would plan on having a tree stump ground out. We'll get around it, just not today.
Writing helps. Passes the time.
When I get to the end of the road, I'll probably go for simply stepping in front of a train. Little to no chance of messing that one up. Very little chance of anyone else getting hurt.
Every day I get through brings some possibility that the state of grief, real or imagined might lift, or that some reason for living might present itself. You pretty much take life as it comes.
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Capt Dizle
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Ah, I am a poster boy for cocktail meds. I can't say it can't help but depression is not like an infection. Heck, I went through a period when I didn't think depression was real, then I did, now I don't know. The meds will f**k you up for sure, so you are looking at taking meds for a disease that may or may not exist, that in clinical trials work equally well with placebos sometimes, that cause side effects that screw you up worse every single time, at a cost you probably can't afford.
I quit that crap. Be proud of me, I'm drug free!
Only thing left to consider is electroshock therapy. I dunno. Genetically speaking, on my father's side I have over 60% of the last two generations ending in suicide, attempted suicide, mental disability or permanent institutionalization. Probably just going to have to deal with it.
Out of the bunch the number that have had serious problems, gotten help and went on to live out their lives in relative health and normality: Zero.
So, you play the cards you're dealt and when its time to go all in, in you go. I could care less about inconveniencing someone, sue me. And I am not so stupid as to drink Drano, thank you very much moron.
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Capt Dizle
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{Oh, and let me tell the worst part of the whole "rolling down suicide alley" deal. Its the people trying to help.
Oh, you have so much to live for!
Give your heart to God.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself, get off you lazy ass and get moving!
But, we love you so much.
Everyone is special in their own special way.
They have wonderful drugs for that sort of thing nowadays.
Things have changed. You don't have to feel stigmatized cause you are, uh, crazy.
Boy, you just need to get laid.
Ah, f**k off, people who talk about it never do it }
I went through a phase when I just told everyone that I was depressed and thinking of killing myself just to see what they would say. Almost everyone is supportive, for the standard 15 minutes, and then they are off again. Can't blame them cause it ain't their problem. Being sympathetic is appropriate. In the larger scheme no one gives a d*mn. And that's okay.
I have friends in the mental health field. From what I am told the standard reaction of a doc who loses a patient to suicide is "F**K. Because it goes on their record. They keep numbers on stuff like that and I guess they real need to keep a good batting average.
The reality is that no one cares. This is the thing you have to get to in order to be able to manage. No one cares and no one is going to. I tell myself that and in some strange sort of way it seems to mitigate the daily odds that I might up and leave.
That would probably be hard to follow for most of you normal, sane folk. 
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Capt Dizle
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quote:
Originally posted by Bkeela
Stepping in front of a train will cause psychological damage to the driver.
Why idiots insist upon such violent suicides is beyond me. Carbon Monoxide in a tank, equipped with a tight face mask, in a well ventilated area so the gas doesn't kill those who find you [send a letter to the authorities where to find you before the act], and your exit from this world will be smooth and peaceful, the remains will be easy for the finders to deal with [much nicer than severed limbs and mince] and planet Earth will be free of one more twit. |
Okay, tell me exactly where to order that stuff. Send me email or IM.
What are the odds of failure? I am not interested in ending up in a nursing home as a vegetable. Guns for example, have a failure rate that is way to hard. Nobody gets whacked full on by a train going full tilt and survives. Mincemeat is exactly the effect I am looking for here mojo.
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Capt Dizle
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quote:
Originally posted by DaShi
Someone might care. I have no idea who, but it's possible. |
Yeah you are probably right. Suicide is crazy, no debate about it. It's just that when you are, well, it simply keeps popping up on the "to do" list.
Anyway, the point, going back to the begining of the thread, is that when a relatively young person is suicidal it is worthwhile to try to help them because often they can get better and have some good years. It's only when a person gets into their third or fourth period of major depression that their odds of having any significant hope of quality of life begins to approach zero. At this point, I think state-assisted suicide would be appropriate. I know that if I had that option, and if it included some help getting my personal affairs in order ) a seemingly insurmountable task), I would sign up and I would think it a fair payment for the state to have my estate as a fee.
This is probably how things will be done in the future.
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Oerdin
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of Internet Music.
Sep 2001
time: 21:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Capt Dizle
When I get to the end of the road, I'll probably go for simply stepping in front of a train. Little to no chance of messing that one up. Very little chance of anyone else getting hurt. . |
In LA a guy thought the same thing and the train ended up being derailed and 200 people were injured. I forgot how many killed. Dizle, you know they have dozens of different medications for people with severe depression but not all of them work for each person. If one combination doesn't work for you then you just need to keep trying until you find the right combination for your body. A good doctor can help you and I hope you seek one out.
Edit: Even if you don't want to try medications or medication hasn't worked for you in the past there are a number of different combinations available. My cousin is depressive and he had to try almost a half dozen different combinations before he and his doctor found the right ones for him.
Last edited by Oerdin on 09-03-2005 at 09:00
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Capt Dizle
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Yeah, well, I'll have to find a better method to deal with the problem.
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Pyrodrew
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Has there been anything that has ever made you happy?
Why stand in front of a train and ruin the day for hundreds when you can give your organs to people who want to live? Give 1 kidney away first and see how happy you make an individual or family. If you still feel worthless there are many in need of organs who want to live and dying alone makes the organs useless.
Personally, I would just keep starting over simply to try different things/places, but that's me.
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
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09-03-2005 06:20
Sweet use of the car.
(relating to the second burning man story)
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