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Aeson
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orangesoda
Nov 2001
time: 22:35
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A new twist on TV programming.
People the world over have become used to a new luxury resource, the battle report. For years these reports have provided entertainment for those without wars of their own, and even for those who just haven't been keeping up with their own nation's military exploits. The consumer market is screaming out for more battle reports, and with new technologies becoming more and more prevailent in people's lives, there is a sizeable demand for more details than simple text or even photography can provide. People want to know who these soldiers are, what did they eat for breakfast, how do they get along with their squad leader, what caliber of bullet did them in? Details like these require a new medium to accurately portray.
CGI advances in the past few years have allowed realistic special effects in the movies, but such a high level of detail is very expensive and time consuming even on todays fastest computers. Far too expensive for TV shows. Yet consumers have become used to, and now demand, this level of realism from their entertainment. So how is TV supposed to compete in the lucrative "blood, gore, and exploisions" market? The answer lies in an experimental TV show that has been airing the past few weeks, "Survivor: Battle For Useless Crap." Cameras have been placed in military vehicles of GS so you can follow along and enjoy the fun. Already hugely popular in Stormia, it is now being broadcast worldwide.
Even neutral and peaceloving citizens of nations like GoW are tuning in to watch these days. So engrossing is the programming that the Warmongers recently lost an entire Uranium mine on Thursday, 9/8 Central. Guards, who at the time were using their survielance equipment to display the latest episode of "Survivor" and stuffing themselves with popcorn, had no explanation for the disappearance. "It was there, then it wasn't. Just like that ND Frigate on last night's show!" was all the enlightenment the guards could provide on the subject.
Spinoffs are already in the works say our sources at various networks. How long can a few RP Infantry last on Lego, cut off from reinforcements? No phones, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury. Soon to be answered on "The Real Legoland's Isle!" which will be showing this summer. What happens when a flight squadron of Bearded Ladies gets makeovers and competes in a Pageant? "Blonde Bombshells" will let us in on all the details. Who wins when the Miss Vox contestants grow beards and take up flying military aircraft? We all do!
So sit back, grab some popcorn, and tune on in to reality.
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Theseus
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The warmonger formerly known as rpodos. Gathering Storm! Apolyton Spirit!!
Apr 2002
time: 00:35
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Actually, a loooong time ago, when I first started playing C3 (beginning 2002?), I had a string of games where I got my ASS KICKED by strong AI civs... in one of the first games that I played to the Modern Age, I was in the unenviable position of not having rubber or oil, so I was fending off Tanks, MIs, and MAs with friggin' Infantry and Arty. But then, I had the only uranium!! I had to nuke an enemy SoD, either French or German, I forget, ON MY OWN SOIL. 
I lost anyway. 
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Aeson
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orangesoda
Nov 2001
time: 22:35
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Bumper Pumpkin Crop!
GS all-in Patches.
The great Pumpkin Patch as photographed from high altitude weather balloon.
Monsoon, GS (OrangeNews) - "Blessings from the Heavens" sounds the call of the NW Stormian Farmer's Association. Just a few weeks ago their membership had met to discuss the impact of the recent frosty weather crossing the channel from Bob. Now, thanks to extreme increases in temperatures, not only will the harvest be saved, but has come 6 months early!
What meteorologists are now calling "Mushroom Storms" have been popping up across the countryside. At first, their impact was horrific. All folliage and structures were destroyed by their wrath. But in their wake a huge pumpkin patch has been left behind, spreading at an unprecidented rate. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been tentatively re-schedualed for June 11th and July 3rd respectively. As NYE, the Minister of Hollidays and Firearms, noted at a recent press conference, "If we wait any longer than that, these jack's won't be welcoming our kids to strangers doorsteps, or making very good pies either." Then NYE, brandishing an AK-47 and wearing a vintage President Barclay mask, continued, "Trick or Treat?" After learning that no candy was to be had, the esteemed minister graciously accepted purses and wallets in leu of sugary treats from the gathered reporters.
Things aren't all rosey (or more precisely, orangey) in the NW though. Reports are filtering in of strange abnormalities since the mushroom storms first hit. Most of the locals complain of high pitched wailing emminating from the patches at night. One of our camera men claims a rogue pumpkin tried "humping my leg". And a boy in tattered rags, crying on a street-corner, wails, "Papa, they ate my Papa!"
President Aeson, having been last seen leaving a Software Ect. with a new copy of Everquest, has yet to make a public address on the issue. Orange House staff have been firm on their "The President is currently unavailable for comment" stance, but our sources say he is "Camping Vox". Citizens of GS are all very worried that Aeson may have fled the country. "We are working to extradict the President from Vox. He must pay for his crimes against our people!" says DeepO, Governor of Hurricane. "There is widespread suspicion that Aeson was in cahoots with GoW to initiate the attacks on Stormia. All we have are his publicly declared plans for the invasion of Hurricane, but that's enough evidence for me."
Minister of the Massage Parlor Candi disagreed, "Aeson is so sexy, don't you think?", until she was notified of the President's presumed flight, to which she replied, "Aeson must be extradicted from Vox, he must pay for his massages from our people!"
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Aeson
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orangesoda
Nov 2001
time: 22:35
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GS Outraged at Wedding
Vows to triumph over acronyms with anagrams.
Borcem, NGoDW (OrangeNews) - An unruley crowd protested outside the UN while ND and GoW were joined together. Some were protesting because they hadn't been invited. Some because there were a few really hot Spanish lasses picketting the destruction and occupation of Es(tonia)pania. Others, like Cort Haus, Stormian Ambassador to both ND and GoW, were there hoping the invitation had just been lost in the mail. "When I was informed the invitation hadn't been sent out in the post intentionally, well then I went postal!" He added, "I didn't expect to be best man or give away the bride, but surely I deserve to be an usher at least?"
The crowd dispersed shortly after the wedding was concluded as airraid sirens were heard. No known Stormian bombing raids were schedualed at the time, and Borcem is out of range of even the longest range bombers, so this was probably just an elaborate ruse to break up the protests. No comment from the UN about the occurance was forthcoming.
Overseas in Stormia, the reaction of protest was much the same, but for different reasons altogether. alva, head of the Stormian Department of Acronyms and Anagrams, was disgusted at the lack of creativity shown by simply mashing the letters of GoW and ND together in such a haphazzard fashion. He stated, "Given the circumstances, we feel GoWND would be a much better acronym. I could see the phrase "I can't believe she was GoWND in white. *derisive snickering*" being tossed around quite a bit at the reception, but NGoWD, it's so gutteral and primitive that it can't be used in high society to any effect whatsoever. What are they, cave men?" He concluded, "Besides, we all know who is leading who around in this arrangement..."
alva's department has been working feverishly to determine what, if any, meanings can be derived from the combination of Glory of War and Neu Demogryptica. Some of the favorites so far are Glory of a Countrywide Rampage, Glory of Wimpy Routed Carnage, and Glory of Tawdry Orange Pumice. In the Glory of department though, Glory of a Dreamy Wagon Picture reigns supreme.
"Perhaps this is what they're after" says Krill, Minister of Paranormal 19th Century Transport, while pointing to a manila folder full of photographs. "We took this shot NW of Elipolis some months back. We were looking for a haunted conestoga in the area, but the sunset was kinda pretty don't you think? Given the focus of the invasion so far, this could be the answer to the question 'why'. The only thing to answer now is, is this wagon some artifact of great power that the nation of NGoWD requires for rituals to end the world?"
"We certainly hope not!" was the opinion voiced by most.
A picture of the supposed Dreamy Wagon.
There is some division in the cabinet though. As Chief Justice asleepathewheel see's it, "Keeping Glory of intact is an underhanded way to anagram in my book." He points to Gory Import of a Nuclear Wedgy as the most likely anagram to fit the current situation. "Sure Glory of Warped Country Image fits in some people's minds, and Madcap Glory of Weiner Yogurt is funny the first few times you hear it, but we need to keep the purity of anagrams as our primary objective. Just as our Founding Fathers spelled out in the constitution."
Hard to argue with that!
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