26-03-2005 06:46									#1
	I need thoughts or help about inheritence Get a bigger avatar today!

As many of you know my father recently passed away. I have inherited money, and things. So who's money is it anyway. I inherited it but who's is it? Is it mine or should as my family thinks spend it on things for them? Initially I was told it's your money he left it to you so you spend it the way you want. Lately alot of ideas are coming my way about what I should spend it on. I finally told my husband that they way I feel about it is this..... This is money that my father left to me for me to decide to spend the way I want because I was his daughter. When I found out how much I inherited I immedidetly made a decision to buy a china cabinet due to some things that I got and to put the rest of the money in a money market account or IRA or something that would make me money until I can decide what exactly to do with it. My father also wanted me to go to school so I thought I might use it for that.

My bottom line is that I feel like these are my things that were left to me and I feel that I should have the right to decide what to do with it insted of being guilted into what other people want for that money. It's becoming a large bone of contention for me now. Am I being selfish?

	26-03-2005 06:57									#2
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No.

If your father wanted the money spend in other ways than you want, he would have given advice on how in his will.

	26-03-2005 07:03									#3
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Husband has made several comments regarding liquidating some of my assests now that I have them, and I don't agree. These are family heirlooms and even though they are material and physical things, they do mean quite alot to me and frankly I really don't want to liquidate anything.

	26-03-2005 07:09									#4
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Ouch. It sounds that you have more than heritage troubles.

Go for what you feel is right - if you don't you will probably regret it later.

	26-03-2005 07:17									#5
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First thing to know is if you'll have to pay inheritance taxes and various fees. A chunk of the inheritance should be kept just for that.

More generally, if this money was clearly intended for you in your father's will, and if your father didn't ask you in a specific fashion, you should use the money according to your wisdom You shouldn't sell the heirlooms you cherish the most ; for the heirlooms you could agree to sell, try to sell them to other family members first, so that they don't disappear without trace.

And yes, if your family doesn't have pressing money problems, you shouldn't listen to your hubby too much about it. This inheritance is yours. If you wish to use it on your family, more power to you. And if you wish to use it on personal projects, more power to you as well

	26-03-2005 07:19									#6
	Re: I need thoughts or help about inheritence Get a bigger avatar today!

quote: Originally posted by Tiamat As many of you know my father recently passed away. I have inherited money, and things. So who's money is it anyway. I inherited it but who's is it? Is it mine or should as my family thinks spend it on things for them? Initially I was told it's your money he left it to you so you spend it the way you want. Lately alot of ideas are coming my way about what I should spend it on. I finally told my husband that they way I feel about it is this..... This is money that my father left to me for me to decide to spend the way I want because I was his daughter. When I found out how much I inherited I immedidetly made a decision to buy a china cabinet due to some things that I got and to put the rest of the money in a money market account or IRA or something that would make me money until I can decide what exactly to do with it. My father also wanted me to go to school so I thought I might use it for that. My bottom line is that I feel like these are my things that were left to me and I feel that I should have the right to decide what to do with it insted of being guilted into what other people want for that money. It's becoming a large bone of contention for me now. Am I being selfish?

Who is the executor of his estate? That person decides I believe.

	26-03-2005 07:40									#7
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Spiff, Whoha you haven't read what Tia writes. Money and property are Tia's and her trouble is how she should spend the heritage. Relatives think they should get some and husband has his ideas what she should do.

	26-03-2005 07:44									#8
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I don't understand quite clearly if she has inherited all the money, or only part of it (over here, the law bars you from disowing heirs, so my assumption -that every legitimate her got something- may be wrong).

	26-03-2005 07:48									#9
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You might not want to spend all of it in case someone in the family needs help in the future. Other than that it's up to you whether you want to share it. Most people don't and wouldn't I think, but some people might. And don't go to school just because your dad wanted you to.

	26-03-2005 08:16									#10
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Tia, the difference between trailer park trash and the country club set is what their immediate ancestors did with estate monies. The trailer parkers spent it; the clubbers invested it.

The only wise course for you is to invest ALL (thats every penny) of it and set up a trust for your children's grandchildren. Tell the hubby to sod off and start preparing your kids to make some sacrifices for later generations as well.

Tia the 4th will be rich and wise enough to stay that way.

For every dollars you make with your own labor, you should have a matching dollar earned by your investment capital. Until you do, you will never be a real American.

	26-03-2005 08:33									#11
	Re: I need thoughts or help about inheritence Remove this text

quote: Originally posted by Tiamat My bottom line is that I feel like these are my things that were left to me and I feel that I should have the right to decide what to do with it insted of being guilted into what other people want for that money.

100% correct. If he left the money and items to you, they are legally yours to do with as you see fit. Tell anyone who is trying to "guilt" you into anything to **** off, it's not theirs. If your father had wanted them to have it, he would have left it to them.

	26-03-2005 08:37									#12
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quote: Originally posted by Capt Dizle Tia, the difference between trailer park trash and the country club set is what their immediate ancestors did with estate monies. The trailer parkers spent it; the clubbers invested it.

I think it's more likely that the "trailer park trash" never got inheritence. Not that I want to get off topic at all, but your post is offensive.

	26-03-2005 08:54									#13
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Thanks guys. I'm an only child so I'm the only heir besides his wife but she's been great and giving me anything of my father's that I've wanted. My mom passed away 25 years ago and I received much of her things that she loved to shop for antique wise. She loved to antique shop so these things I treasure. His will was made at least 10 years ago when I was single and he provided well for my kids. So I just feel like I should be the one to make the desion on my money as well as my stepmom agreed with me about the china cabinet and socking it away for a awhile.

	26-03-2005 08:57									#14
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious I think it's more likely that the "trailer park trash" never got inheritence. Not that I want to get off topic at all, but your post is offensive.

Not offensive unless you've a chip on your shoulder or a wedge up your butt.

	26-03-2005 09:05									#15
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You should share what your family, that's what family is for. But only to a point - don't let them take advantage of you or your father's estate. (That can also be what family is for - I guess it depends on the family)

	26-03-2005 10:36									#16
	Re: I need thoughts or help about inheritence Support Apolyton

quote: Originally posted by Tiamat As many of you know my father recently passed away. I have inherited money, and things. So who's money is it anyway. I inherited it but who's is it? Is it mine or should as my family thinks spend it on things for them? Initially I was told it's your money he left it to you so you spend it the way you want. Lately alot of ideas are coming my way about what I should spend it on. I finally told my husband that they way I feel about it is this..... This is money that my father left to me for me to decide to spend the way I want because I was his daughter. When I found out how much I inherited I immedidetly made a decision to buy a china cabinet due to some things that I got and to put the rest of the money in a money market account or IRA or something that would make me money until I can decide what exactly to do with it. My father also wanted me to go to school so I thought I might use it for that. My bottom line is that I feel like these are my things that were left to me and I feel that I should have the right to decide what to do with it insted of being guilted into what other people want for that money. It's becoming a large bone of contention for me now. Am I being selfish?

1. You never said whether this was written down, witnessed, and/or notarized. Was it?

2. By "family", whom do you mean? Hubbie, kids, parents, extended? (Sounds like husband to me.)

3. Give some examples of the "things" you can sell. You also didn't mention how much the cash portion of the estate was worth.

You did mention that he set up your kids nicely, which I assume means that a good chunk of their college is paid for (as long as you can keep your hands off it. ) If not, that's my first priority for the money remaining after the china cabinet purchase (if the china cabinet is a significant percentage of the inheritance, say 10% or more, you should sit down and think: do you really need it?)

Don't use it to buy stuff. "Stuff" is a drain... a drain upon your time, upon your finances, upon your spirit. Nothing is more oppressive than going into a house that's filled with stuff, and nothing is more saddening than to think of all the time and money that have been spent accumulating... stuff.

I'm serious, Tiamat. Unless your hubby is talking about buying T-Bills or 529 plans, spending this money (which is nothing less than your father's trust in you) on "goods and services" would be a tragic waste.

In another thread I described my plans for an inheritance I received upon my grandmother's passing... imho, there's a lot of good information in that thread as the plan so far has appreciated at a 13.1% annual rate.

I recently went bearish on the market, but the thread got deleted before I could archive it ( ). Sorry 'bout that.

	26-03-2005 10:59									#17
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It's your money. The problem is, everyone will now be expecting a handout. You're about to find out how your real friends are. Receiving a large sum of money has frequently been one of the worst things to ever happen to a person.

If it was me, I would do three things with it.

#1, pay off all my debts.
#2, set up a retirement account
#3, give the rest away to charities, which could include 529s for the children of friends and family

But that's me, and I'm not offering it as advice.

	26-03-2005 11:23									#18
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If ou don't have a significant nest egg then this is your hance to make up for lost time. Do you own a house? I ask because if your goal is to save then few things beat buying your own home. If you do own a house then an IRA maxed out for this year with a bit saved for next year is a good way to lock the money in towards retirement. I would avoid going on a spending spree and I would also avoid selling family heirlooms as so many marriages fail these days your husband might not last as long as the heirlooms have. Just food for thought.

	26-03-2005 11:29									#19
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IRA only allows so much per year, surely more than what was left. Don't put it in an IRA.

Do with it what you think your father would want you to do with it, and think not of others.

Go to school with it. Or, as you well know you want to, give it to your internet buddies!

	26-03-2005 11:47									#20
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

Tia, I can't remember: Do you have any children of your own? Perhaps converting all but the most precious sentimental items into money and then transferring it all into a college fund would be the best thing to do. You certainly would have NO reason to feel guilty then. Beyond that, if your father left this stuff with you and others are trying to guilt trip you, tell them to f*ck off. He left it with you, not them.

	26-03-2005 13:37									#21
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There was definiately a huge four or five way flame war which Taimat was involved in which lasted months and months. It even spilled over into other forums.

That's ancient history though so why bring it up, TCO?

	26-03-2005 13:46									#22
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It's your money. Do what you want with it.

If it were me I'd satisfy my immediate problems (and I don't mean lack of luxuries, I mean debts and such), then put the rest in a savings account or something.

You can't feel guilty about that.

	26-03-2005 13:48									#23
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It's your money. But seeing as you are in a loving marriage (I hope), then it makes sense to discuss this together. Although I've never been married, and I know some married couples handled their finances differently. Some file jointly, and have joint bank accounts. While some keep their finances separate.

I guess I'm not qualified to answer, as I've never been married. But just figure out which of those 2 groups (or in between) above you are in. Either way communication is important.

	26-03-2005 13:50									#24
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More details are needed to make an informed decision.

	26-03-2005 16:14									#25
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quote: Originally posted by Spiffor First thing to know is if you'll have to pay inheritance taxes and various fees. A chunk of the inheritance should be kept just for that.

Your government sucks, you should think about getting a new one.
(Inheritance in Australia is tax-free)

	26-03-2005 17:38									#26
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

Tia, it´s your money. Pay off any debts you might have and invest the rest wisely (retirement funds and such). I would also travel to wondrous far away places like Macchu Picchu, the great wall of China, the pyramids, Taj Mahal and Angkor Wat. You could even invite your relatives and make it a celeberatory trip in you fathers memory.

quote: Originally posted by Oerdin There was definiately a huge four or five way flame war which Taimat was involved in which lasted months and months. It even spilled over into other forums. That's ancient history though so why bring it up, TCO?

Because he´s a dumbass troll?

	26-03-2005 19:22									#27
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quote: Originally posted by Skanky Burns Your government sucks, you should think about getting a new one. (Inheritance in Australia is tax-free)

Here, high inheritances get taxed, and low inheritances don't. I believe the US has a "death tax" as well, but I don't know at all the specifics.

Besides, taxes aren't the only thing that can be paid after a death. There can be various fees (notary fees, for example), which can amount quite a bunch, and that should be planned.

	26-03-2005 20:51									#28
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Inheritance taxes were abolished a couple of years ago in the States. However, there might be some local inheritance taxes. Tiamat should ask her tax preparer about that.

Tiamat: It's your money. I understand that you and your father were close. Given this, it's a good rule of thumb to do nothing with your money for a year or so. That will help you separate the emotion of his death from the money that he left and it also will give you time to decide the best way to handle this money. Tell the people who want you to spend the money quickly for x, y, and z to chill out about the money.

	27-03-2005 04:49									#29
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TCO... enough with the crap.. I've deleted it all from this thread... if you go there again, you're toast!

	29-03-2005 09:02									#30
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Didn't see what TCO posted but I can only imagine. Old news is just that. Let sleeping dragons lie.

Ok, it was very specific in his will. I thought about being specific but this is the internet and well one should be careful. Don't really feel comfortable listing exactly what I got. Sufice to say it's was pleanty. The children (3) already had trust funds established long ago in mutual funds so they are already set. Substantial amount of money and property (antiques) left to me by my father, and then when my step mother passes I get the rest of the furniture, paintings, crystal etc. So yes I'm doing ok.

Two of the children got their noses out of joint because of the money I'm to receive to which for me......I don't even want it because of what it represents it means he's not here and I would give it all back just to have him here. Mainly it's hubby. He has this mustang convertible with a busted up roof. Mind you my parents poured almost $2500 into the engine of that car as well as wrote him a check for $1000 to replace the roof which he didn't do. He spent it on some bills or such and said he would replace it himself. So now he's working on me to pony up the money to get the roof fixed. Frankly I don't want to.

In the past I've not been good with money and the fact that my father trusted me on any level with any money much less this....well I would just feel that I would be betraying his trust if I spent it on something as trivial as a car roof. Actually I was planning a trip with this money. Dad went to West Point and I thought how nice it would be to actually go there and see the place that my father held so dear. It would mean alot to me. Still think I should do with it what I want.