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Paddy the Scot
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Hordeland
Mar 2001
time: 14:28
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1.
 Attachment: why men shouldn't babysit 1.jpg
This has been downloaded 22 time(s).
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 05-04-2005 at 14:11
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Rcoutme2
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Massachusetts
Sep 2004
time: 05:28
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Idiots at Work
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not process the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her.
She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 05-04-2005 at 13:55
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Rcoutme2
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Massachusetts
Sep 2004
time: 05:28
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Idiots in the Neighbourhood
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council office to request the removal of Koala Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many Koalas were being hit by cars and he didn’t want them to cross there.
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 05-04-2005 at 13:55
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Rcoutme2
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Massachusetts
Sep 2004
time: 05:28
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A day in the life of a biller.................
Peter reported to work for another day of billing investigations.
He takes his seat and stares at the screen for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out his wallet, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, and filling in the activities.
Heads for "Dispute," and Tails for "Charges to Stand."
By lunch his day was all done, whereas the rest other Billers were still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes of the day, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The Team Leader, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished my work, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 05-04-2005 at 13:59
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Rcoutme2
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Massachusetts
Sep 2004
time: 05:28
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Cat in Heaven
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven, where he meets the Lord.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident,
and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 05-04-2005 at 14:08
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Omnistar
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1 - Most Important Lesson
professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious
student and had breezed through the questions, until
I read the last one: "What is the first name of the
woman who cleans the school?"
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:08
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Omnistar
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Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know
her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last
question blank.
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:09
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Omnistar
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MILITARY SURVEY OF DESOLATION ROW
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Omnistar
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LESSONS
1 - Most Important Lesson
professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious
student and had breezed through the questions, until
I read the last one: "What is the first name of the
woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know
her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last
question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the
last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say 'hello'."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I've also never
forgotten her name was Dorothy.
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:11
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Omnistar
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Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:12
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Omnistar
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A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves in the same
sleeping compartment of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both
managed to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leaned over and said, "I'm sorry to bother you
but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man, with a glint in his eye, responded, "I've got a better idea...let's pretend we're married."
"Why not?" giggled the woman.
"Good," he said. "Get your own blanket."
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:15
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Omnistar
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Jogger finds a brand new tennis ball and slips it into the pocket of his running shorts.
On his way home, he stops at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyes the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asks.
"Tennis ball," he replies breathlessly. "That must be painful," the girl says sympathetically,
"I had tennis elbow once."
Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:18
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Omnistar
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Last edited by Paddy the Scot on 19-08-2005 at 06:23
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Apolyton Time is 00:28. |
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28-02-2005 02:05
good work Gramps !
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