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Kassiopeia
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Jyväskylä, Finland
Jul 2001
time: 07:33
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The Phalanx
BREAKING NEWS!
Due to recent events, we bring you this Special Edition of your one and only reliable news source on the Capitalist-Environmentalist Republic of the Holy Spartan Police State.
In Special Edition #4.1:
- Technological Breakthrough! (news)
- General Googlie to Become Planetary Governor (news)
- Reforms Sweeping in the newly founded Capitalist-Environmentalist Republic of the Spartan Fundamentalist Police State (news)
Technological Breakthrough!
by Lieutenant Colonel Kassiopeia
In a startling spur of research earlier today, the scientists at the main research base of Sparta Command have simultaniously uncovered the secrets of jet engines, fusion reactors and rocketry. The Spartan Federation is now capable of projecting awesome destructive power over any part of Chiron, especially the Gaian and Morganite parts.
"The war is now in effect over", said General Snoddasmannen, new head of state of the Federation, whose ascension marked the new burst of discoveries. "We fully expect our enemies to cease all hostilities and surrender completely lest they get seriously nuked", continued Snoddasmannen, accompanied by the clinking of his medals. "OUR WORDS ARE BACKED BY PLANET BUSTERS!" he concluded the ultimatum.
Table of Contents
General Googlie to Become Planetary Governor
by Lieutenant Colonel Kassiopeia
In a last minute volte face, Chairman Yang has withdrawn his candidacy for Planetary Governor, and has instead thrown his votes behind General Googlie of the Spartan Federation, thus assuring his election.
A spokesperson for Lt. Colonel Kassiopeia of the Ministry of Disinformation commented:
Rumours to the contrary notwithstanding, the abrupt reversal by the redoubtable Chairman had nothing to do with the signing of a Peace Treaty between the two factions, nor the transmission to the Hive of the valuable Spartan technologies of Doctrine: Air Power and Fusion Power, both intended to help the noble Hiverian forces in their struggle against Gaian military aggression.
We will keep you appraised on the situation.
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Reforms Sweeping in the newly founded Capitalist-Environmentalist Republic of the Spartan Fundamentalist Police State
by Lieutenant Priest Sir Kassiopeia
The rapid fluctuations in social conditions lately in the Spartan nation have caused a series of reforms and social changes that will alter the very nature of Sparta.
After messing around with the Social Engineering dials for a few hours, Colonel Maniac cheerfully announced earlier today that his position would now be changed to that of Holy President-Dictator, and that the state of Sparta would now actually become the Capitalist-Environmentalist Republic of the Spartan Fundamentalist Police State.
Describing the new system of government as "a micromanagers dream come true", Maniac exalted the benefits of the new system, that would allow massive procreation, efficiency boosts, peaceful coexistence with native life, economy growth, powerful industry and elite military forces.
When asked on the costs of this transformation, Maniac merely mubled something about "Morganite loansharks" and a figure in the range of thousands of energy credits.
Protesting this move and claiming to have developed a far more advanced combined system of government, Admiral Modo has separated a group of Spartan bases to form the Anarchocapitalist People's Republic of the Incredibly Large Free Organized Oligarchy of Lakedaimon-Sparta, the Syndicate Leader of which he will be crowned tomorrow.
We will keep you appraised of any changes and what our form of government currently is, by the hour.
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Yeah it's lame but I felt like we were missing out on all the fun.
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02-04-2005 02:25
It was a last minute effort anyway, I came up with the idea in the morning and cranked out the paper in 20 minutes just after midnight (but it was still AFD in the better part of the world so what the hey). :scute:
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