17-04-2005 22:25									#1
	Men. Got spare money?

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me today. I figure for all of you with girl problems right now, it may help to give her a copy... Or, you can just be happy you have a girl to have problems with

Anyway, let me know if it's complete.

---

Guys' Rules



At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.



Finally, the guys' side of the story.(I must admit, it's pretty good.)





We always hear"the rules"from the female side. Now here are the rules from the

male side.



These are our rules!





Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Sunday sports.

It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.

See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap

opera guys.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don 't ask us.



1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.



1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.

Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's

wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is

fine...Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are

prepared to discuss such topics as

baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape.

Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

but did you know men really don't mind that?





It's like camping.

	17-04-2005 22:28									#2
	Support Apolyton

Excellent rules! That´ll show ´em

Man Power!

	17-04-2005 22:31									#3
	Suffering from ads?

We're still doomed, but it's funny.

	17-04-2005 22:36									#4
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

quote: 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Codicil: "Nothing" is also a perfectly acceptable answer. It is quite common for us guys to literally have nothing on our minds.

	17-04-2005 22:38									#5
	Support Apolyton

or sex

	17-04-2005 22:40									#6
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by Japher or sex

He said "shotgun formation."

ACK!

	17-04-2005 22:40									#7
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

gonna ruin a good theroy for you guys but i agree with all those things. I hate to shop, always say whats on my mind and dont give a rat ass if i look fat. If the other peson looking sees fat not my problem. Love sports and only talk during the commercials etc etc.

	17-04-2005 22:42									#8
	Suffering from ads?

I was about to roll my eyes when I saw where the OP was going, but some of those turned out to be pretty astute and are things that I have told Laura (repeatedly) to do in regards to dealing with me. I'm glad to see it's not just her:

quote: Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Amen!

quote: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Codicil: Only expect sympathy if you're deserving of it. If you back our car into the rental car (your third such accident since we've gotten the SUV, btw), don't come to me for comfort.

quote: If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Actually, depending upon my mood I like to force the issue as the last thing I care for is to worry about a moody Laura for the rest of the evening. Might as well compress all that emotional discomfort into 10 minutes and get it over with!

	17-04-2005 22:42									#9
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

Tuberskis, I often wondered do you guys sit in the same room and post or do you sit in opposite parts of the house and communicate over the Internet?

	17-04-2005 22:45									#10
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

quote: Originally posted by JohnT Codicil: Only expect sympathy if you're deserving of it. If you back our car into the rental car (your third such accident since we've gotten the SUV, btw), don't come to me for comfort.

And the moral of the story is: don´t buy an SUV

	17-04-2005 22:45									#11
	Support Apolyton

Depends.

Right now we are in different rooms.

ACK!

	17-04-2005 22:46									#12
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

You forgot The Man Song :

quote: The Man Song by Sean Morey I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you. I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry. 'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right". I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home. What I say goes around here! ... right out the window. And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up. The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear. 'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head. And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want. 'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important. And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry. I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around. And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble. And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch. Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to. Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

ACK!

	17-04-2005 22:47									#13
	Put an end to popups!

quote: If you back our car into the rental car (your third such accident since we've gotten the SUV, btw), don't come to me for comfort.

Take her cell phone away... and I sure hope that SUV don't have a TV in it. I learned to drive in a suburban, and it pains me to say that I have hit 8 non-moving vehicles with that tank and never got a scratch but once. The other cars weren't so lucky. It takes some time, and practice. Best do it now before Sophie gets old enough to have a billion friends needing a ride to soccer practice.

	17-04-2005 22:48									#14
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: Originally posted by Dr Zoidberg Tuberskis, I often wondered do you guys sit in the same room and post or do you sit in opposite parts of the house and communicate over the Internet?

ill answer that for him sometimes we do sometimes not we live in a one bedroom apt so the house aint that big. at the moment hes in the bedroom and me in the livivng room You will only find us posting at the same time on my days off and weekends. I work mornings and he works swingshift.

	17-04-2005 22:50									#15
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

None of the accidents had anything to do with her cell phone...

... which, by the way, I have determined that Laura is congenitally unable to turn on when she goes out, no matter how many times I tell her that I might want to call her. Last time my cell phone was turned off was when the battery came out of it over a year ago when I threw the goddamned thing to the floor. (Like a lot of people, I have a love-hate thing with my cell.)

	17-04-2005 22:53									#16
	Support Apolyton

quote: Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski ill answer that for him sometimes we do sometimes not we live in a one bedroom apt so the house aint that big. at the moment hes in the bedroom and me in the livivng room You will only find us posting at the same time on my days off and weekends. I work mornings and he works swingshift.

Ok.