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Space05us
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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat?
Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
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Space05us
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quote:
Why do I have to press 'Start' to shut down my pc ? |
You dont know how to press ctrl+alt+delete?
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Dracon II
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Communist Party of Apolyton
Jan 1970
time: 15:21
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quote:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are getting weak? |
I don't know, but I always wack it on something... seems to work.
quote:
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough? |
Because they like kicking you when you're down as well as up. Maximizing their utility, y'know....
quote:
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet? |
Because they can't check if there are four billion stars... duh!
quote:
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? |
Because it's all concentrated and has no contact with air or something or other
quote:
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? |
The sterilizing agent on the needle is actually the poison. What they're injecting them with is morphine... which is for the pain.
quote:
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? |
Monkey's kept tugging at it.
quote:
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him? |
Because the gunshots were special effects... but the revolver was real.
quote:
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? |
Because American pilots do and you just know how Japanese love copying Americans 
quote:
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? |
Probably Hitler
quote:
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? |
They're welfare queens who refused to innovate like the rest of us...
quote:
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? |
No.... it indicates that five brainless queers and a TV crew have been there.
quote:
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white? |
They aren't. You're just colourblind and your friends didn't tell you cause they thought it'd be funny when you pulled up at an intersection.
quote:
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? |
Yes of course... you're just reliving the same day over and over again. GROUNDHOG DAY!!!
quote:
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized? |
When you're going starving the law of diminishing returns tends to reverse...
quote:
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance? |
Never seen anyone do that. You must be surrounded by morons...
quote:
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? |
That's not true. You're unwittingly choosing the wrong end because you unconsciously want to waste time... in a desparate attempt to fend off death.
quote:
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures? |
The companies fit their fixtures with secret dead bug dispensers in an attempt to disgust you into replacing them every now and then. Now that you know you must die... and no... opening those bags at the wrong end will not save you.
quote:
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?" |
Because deep within we all know that those evil shopping carts are the real offenders...
quote:
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over? |
I dunno... don't try and universalize your own clumsiness.
quote:
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat? |
Because humans always want what is scarce... like diamonds... love... or ebola...
quote:
Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes? |
Because mother-in-law jokes are representative of the patriarchal power relations in modern capitalist discourse. Mothers-in-law inhabit a subaltern status in patriarchal familial discourse, as they are subordinate to one's real mother, who in turn is subordinate to all the men in the family.
Plus... they remind you of what your wife is going to look like in 20-30 years... it's a real bummer, so you've gotta just have a good sense of humour about it.
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18-04-2005 15:19
space's avatar
on you guys for warming your houses in the winter for as hot as it is in the summer. I keep my house 62 F (16.7 C) in the winter. 
ACK!
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