06-05-2005 00:43									#1
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I don't have problems with my immediate family; I mean as a kid my older sister and I didn't get along and both of my parents drank more then was good for them, but, I am happy to say that in the last years of her life my mother reformed and made a real honest effort to stop drinking. My father still drinks to much but I haven't lived with him for years so it doesn't really effect me in any way. The real reason I'm writing this thread is because of my adopted cousin. My aunt and uncle adopted her and her younger brother when they were 3 and 2 respectively because they could not have children of their own and they thought they had this perfect little family.

It turns out that both of their biological parents were big drug addicts and their biological mom used cocaine all throughout both of their pregnancies. In the end police found my new born male cousin and his 12 month old sister locked in a car without any adult in sight. When police broke into the car they found both of them were dehydrated and had diapers which had been dirty for a day or two, Their biological parents had had seven kids before them and all had been taken by the state because they were such worthless drug addled **** bags.

In any event my aunt and uncle were not told about the prenatel drug abuse until well after they had adopted. That meant they had already bonded with the two kids by the time they found out both were severally screwed up by their biological mother's drug abuse. The result is they have tried very hard to help their children dispite the fact that both have been very disabled and emotionally scared. To add to this problem the biological father is a convicted sex offender who has sexually abused several of their biological brother's and sisters and who is thought (though not proven) to have sexually abused by adopted female cousin. The whole situation is screwed up.

To make things worse Tammy (my adopted female cousin) haa gone and had a baby at the age of 19 with her often astranged boyfriend. Psychologists have told her parents that she is acting like many sexually abused girls by being sexually permiscuios and getting pregnany early. It is obvious she has relationship issues but to make matters worse she has gone and picked up a crystal meth habit. My aunt is a social worker and by law she must inform police when ever a child is endangered so, true to law, she reported her own daughter when drug abuse was discovered.

The results where predictable. Tammy and her off again on again boyfriend lost the baby to social services while my aunt & uncle completed the process to become foster parents. Yesterday they completed the legal proceeedings and got custody of their granddaughter. My cousin and her on again off again boyfriend are very pissed off that their child has been taken away from them. Tammy just doesn't think that her drug abuse wasa that big of a deal nor does her boyfriend and neither understands why the court has ordered them to take parenting classes plus they have refused to attend the classes for the last two weeks. The two idiots just can't understand why the court keeps ruling against them. idiots:

Who else has severely screwed up members of their family?

	06-05-2005 00:49									#2
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Who doesn't have family problems?


I've got a teenage brother that has physical confrontations with dad (this past winter dad took an unopened can of soda off the side of the head....)

	06-05-2005 00:53									#3
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First I am going to say this. These kids had been taken away early in life from a situatuion that was bad. Rasied by to different people that were i am assuming responsible. The problem with the dumb ass things they do as adults have no real relationship to what the loser first parents did. They had a choice to do drugs or not they chose the wrong one. I say this cause i know for a fat just cause ur molested as a child doesnt make you a child molester when you get older. I know this cause i know someone that is very close to me that was molested and is a very good lady now she fights the child molesters didnt become one. fights the drug addits didnt become one. its a matter of choice weakness and strength

	06-05-2005 00:53									#4
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the cycle continues

my dad drank alot, but he drank himself to death. So I can't consider him a screwed up member of the family.

My extended family are all religious and consequently good people (I just put that part in too piss off the godless folks). My mom's side is catholic, and my dad's side is mormon. I think my dad had a cousin who was always in trouble with the law. Nothing major, just your usual white trash stuff. drugs and such.

In retrospect, I have a pretty good family. honest, hard working, law abiding.

It's kind of weird actually. we are all fairly honest and don't steal. It's hard living in a world where everyone steals. I trust no one. I know this isn't a good thing. But I would never consider having a non family member as a roomate. No one in family has ever stolen from me.

See. Religious folks do have good values.

	06-05-2005 01:02									#5
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in all honesty i have a father no deceased that cheated on my mother and my mother took it and stayed, he used to whipp us kids for not having the dishes done whenhe wanted he was a total jerk. I have to say the cycle doesnt continue unless you as a person let it. I have 3 kids and have never whipped them. i dont allow cheating on me in my life. Tuberski ever cheats hes out on his ass so fast he wouldnt have time to pack. You as a person choose the life you want. as you reach adult hood. I choose to not be like my mother put my self through college paid for by me and moved away. I kow have been on my own since i was a senior in hi school and that was in 1987. Yes i didnt live at home when i was a senior i got a job rented a plae nd finished hi school. then put myself thru college. My choice though

	06-05-2005 01:31									#6
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My parents both we alcoholics but I my brother and I don't drink too much. I used to but have cut way down for the last 10 years. Recently I quit beer altogether and just drink a couple of glasses of wine maybe once a week, if that often. So you don't have to be your parents. Maybe when your cousin and her bf grow up they won't be so bad. Alot can happen...and it is true that young people can be pretty dumb at times. So it might not be the dugs her parents abused.

Sadly the burden falls on others...

	06-05-2005 01:37									#7
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great-grandfather on my mother's side is an alcholic and has not been in contact with my family for decades. He might be dead now.

grandfather and grandmother and most of my mother's side are homophobic hicks from Ontario whose life revolves around "the Ford plant"

grandfather and grandmother from my father's side are dead, but were great people

father works too much

mom is a bit dense, but a wonderful person

brother is a genius-with-a-photographic memory and into racing, and races his school's Formula SAE car, and designs it as well (honours mech. eng at Waterloo - http://www.eng.uwaterloo.ca/~fsae/2005/)

I seem relatively stupid in comparison.

All in all, nothing like a lot of people have to put up with.

	06-05-2005 01:37									#8
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Nobody in my family is a druggie or boozer, although my uncle has been married four times.

	06-05-2005 01:38									#9
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My mother is a little crazy.

Well, a lot actually. Rather embarrassing to tell the truth. I may be on the questionable side of sanity but still hope her particular breed of 'i want to kill my own daughter' etcetc doesn't run in the family.

It's not so much a family problem now as I never see her.

And of course, lets remember, its an 'illness' so can't possibly be her fault

Bitterness over now

	06-05-2005 01:43									#10
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Nothing to say here, from my side of the family. But my gf's side is a bit screwed up considering her father is a workoholic that cant stop himself from screwing everybody he meets into stupid business ideas that never end up anywhere but in court or result in a big loss of money.....Her mother drinks to much and I just know that later on in life we will have to support her because my gf's screwed up sister sure as hell cant keep a freakin job or amount to anything in life except borrowing money from us......

Great!

	06-05-2005 01:47									#11
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I use to, but now my family doesn't comunicate (and my father committed suicide a while back)

I guess my sister still is trouble.. but I don't chooise to think about her (and I think that my extended relatives are succeeding in taking all her kids from her)

Jon Miller
(there was one christmas where my brother who lived 30 minutes away never showed up, despite the fact my mother bought him presents, and currently my family and I (excluding my mom) see eachother for a shortwhile at Christmas and that is it)

	06-05-2005 01:48									#12
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quote: Originally posted by Jon Miller I use to, but now my family doesn't comunicate (and my father committed suicide a while back) I guess my sister still is trouble.. but I don't chooise to think about her (and I think that my extended relatives are succeeding in taking all her kids from her) Jon Miller (there was one christmas where my brother who lived 30 minutes away never showed up, despite the fact my mother bought him presents, and currently my family and I (excluding my mom) see eachother for a shortwhile at Christmas and that is it)

Most depressing post I have ever read.
Sorry man. Seriously. Make your kids happy.

	06-05-2005 01:53									#13
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My family is a perfect. Half of us are alcoholics the other half pop Zoloft like it's going out of style... Thus, we are all happy, dazed, and confused.

	06-05-2005 03:36									#14
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My immediate family is all pretty okay. I'm probably the most ****ed up person of the bunch and I'm not too insane... The most exciting bit I can tell you is my parents are divorced.

I don't really know my extended family too well, but there aren't any addicts or abusers among them as far as I know. I haven't seen most of them in years, and when I did see them it was usually only once or twice a year.

That doesn't mean everything is just rosy, obviously. Just that I don't know of any severely screwed-up family members.

	06-05-2005 03:56									#15
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Save for the fact that I hated my borther when I was younger, because he picked on me to the extreme, there are no problems in the immediate family. My parents have a great relationship with their respective families as well.

In my extended family, there are two over-protective mothers. One of them had an only child, who has "enjoyed" being this woman's only focus in life. There were huge demands on him, which wasn't too much of a problem as long as he was successful. When he was fired, however, he became crazy for weeks, and is still quite mentally fragile now.

	06-05-2005 06:32									#16
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I should add that my family while honest and such, isn't real close emotionally. Even the women in my family are not the emotional type. We never hugged or kissed (probably the source of my lack affectionate skills I suppose). sex was never discussed.

	06-05-2005 06:34									#17
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I don't feel like rehashing the family problems that I have.

	06-05-2005 10:10									#18
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quote: Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski First I am going to say this. These kids had been taken away early in life from a situatuion that was bad. Rasied by to different people that were i am assuming responsible. The problem with the dumb ass things they do as adults have no real relationship to what the loser first parents did. They had a choice to do drugs or not they chose the wrong one. I say this cause i know for a fat just cause ur molested as a child doesnt make you a child molester when you get older. I know this cause i know someone that is very close to me that was molested and is a very good lady now she fights the child molesters didnt become one. fights the drug addits didnt become one. its a matter of choice weakness and strength

I'm happy to report that my younger cousin Roy has turned out well. He had more development problems because his birth mother used cocaine and heroine more frequently while pregnant so we all thought he'd be the one having a rough time of it. He spent his teenage years in and out of various instituttions trying to get a handle on the violent rages and learning disabilities he had but now at 18 he has a decent job and lives in his own house.

We all thought Tammy was going to do much better then her brother but it seems like dispite a good up bringing by loving parents she has patterned her life after her birth mother.

	06-05-2005 10:28									#19
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I am pleased to report that the rest of my family is happy and well adjusted.

	06-05-2005 10:29									#20
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin I am pleased to report that the rest of my family is happy and well adjusted.

pets do not count

	06-05-2005 10:52									#21
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun pets do not count

sure they do lol they are the main ones that mind

	06-05-2005 10:53									#22
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Pets don't count because they are more sensible than most people.

	06-05-2005 10:54									#23
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I've had dogs that had problems.

I felt bad how badly I used to treat one of our dogs when I was a kid. My dad was pretty rough with it too. He didn't kick it or anything mean like that. He just fought with it and really made that dog mean. That damn dog almost took my eye out when I was teasing it. That dog eventually ran away. I wonder why.

	06-05-2005 10:58									#24
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I like my dog and he seems to be very well adjusted. He only gets ansy when I don't take him on walks often enough.

I was refering to the people in my family though.

Last edited by Oerdin on 06-05-2005 at 11:03

	06-05-2005 11:00									#25
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin I was refer to the people in my family though.

No you weren't -- don't try to weasel yourself out of this one, buddy.

	10-05-2005 06:02									#26
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Studies have shown that drug abuse/drinking while pregnant can affect the mental development of the fetus leading to long term personality problems as the child grows into teen/adulthood.

	10-05-2005 08:00									#27
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Thankfully my parents never drank.

I had a cousin who stole from my sister. She later ended up in a relationship with her stepfather, but I haven't heard anything about them since he was sent to jail. Her younger sister was 3 at the time...

	10-05-2005 19:04									#28
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Neither of my parents drink or use drugs. I think it's because they both had parents who were alcoholics. My maternal grandmother drank until she died of liver problems before any of you 3 kids were grown, and she was very cruel to my mom. My paternal grandfather was also an alcoholic, but lived to about 70. He was an ******* his whole life even after he quit drinking. He still acted like he did when he was drinking. Being an alcoholic permanently ****s up your personality if you drink long enough. Both my parents have bad problems from it. My mom works a program called Adult Children of Alcoholics, but my dad doesn't. I don't speak to my dad anymore.

About being adopted, that screws with people's mind, even if they have loving parents. My ex was adopted, and I had another gf that was adopted. This may sound bad, but I'll never date another women that was adopted, just because of that.

	10-05-2005 19:37									#29
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I have a dim view on drink and drugs, mostly due to the decay I see them cause.

I endured the death of a parent due to alcholism caused by another family member's drug use.

Our societies are partly to blame, with the mindless idea that drugs/booze are socially essential.

That is not a good thing.

	10-05-2005 19:57									#30
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious About being adopted, that screws with people's mind, even if they have loving parents. My ex was adopted, and I had another gf that was adopted. This may sound bad, but I'll never date another women that was adopted, just because of that.

generally if they are adopted it means that their life was really really bad for a while (very traumatic)

so yeah.. most adopted people do have some issues...

JM