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alva
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Republic of Flanders
Sep 2001
time: 06:21
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quote:
Originally posted by Wezil
Two good nominations. I prefer Hicks.
"Dinosaurs in the Bible" cracks me up every time. |
quote:
Get this, I actually asked one of these guys, OK, Dinosaurs fossils - how does that fit into you scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in. He said, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." Thank God I'm strapped in right now here man. I think God put you here to test my faith, Dude. You believe that? "uh huh." Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. ****in' with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around: "Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha." [mimes God burying fossils] "I am God, I am a prankster." "I am killing Me." You know, You die and go to St. Peter... "Did you believe in dinosaurs?" "Well, yeah. There was fossils everywhere" Thuh [trapdoor opens] "Aaaaaaarhhh!" "You ****in idiot." "Flying lizards, you're a moron. God was ****in' with you!" "It seemed so plausible, ahhhh!" "Enjoy the lake of fire, ****er!" |
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alva
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Republic of Flanders
Sep 2001
time: 06:21
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Another great Hicks moment (should be targetting the right crowd here  )
quote:
ADVERTISING AND MARKETING
By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself. No, no, no it's just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers. Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you're going, "there's going to be a joke coming," there's no ****ing joke coming. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are ****ed and you are ****ing us. Kill yourself. It's the only way to save your ****ing soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, "he's doing a joke... there's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, ****ing hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend - I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil ****ing makinations. Machi... Whatever, you know what I mean.
I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, "Oh, you know what Bill's doing, he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart." Oh man, I am not doing that. You ****ing evil scumbags! "Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every ****ing thing on this planet! "Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that." God, I'm just caught in a ****ing web. "Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar..." How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like ****ing babies at night, don't you?" "What didya do today honey?" "Oh, we made ah, we made ah arsenic a childhood food now, goodnight." [snores] "Yeah we just said you know is your baby really too loud? You know," [snores] "Yeah, you know the mums will love it." [snores] Sleep like ****ing children, don't ya, this is your world isn't it? |
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Dr Strangelove
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Triumph the comic insult dog. I loved the "Poop Valhalla" piece.
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Maquiladora
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Bill Bailey is good at improvising but he plays the same character all the time, even in Black Books he played his stand-up character. Steve Coogan is the funniest writer and actor ive seen, he's written for and played all kinds of idiots, but done them genuinely well, not just for laughs.
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20-05-2005 01:29
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