07-06-2005 21:08									#1
	Abbott and Costello revisited Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today ... Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's infamous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One. COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them? ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue "1". COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue "1". COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER . . . ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

Where can I found "Who is on first"

	07-06-2005 21:13									#2
	Inflate your Upload Space

Ask and Ye shall recieve:

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml

ACK!

	07-06-2005 21:20									#3
	Re: Abbott and Costello revisited Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

quote: Originally posted by DAVOUT Where can I found "Who is on first"

Please, because that was painfully unfunny. A cheap knockoff of Abbot and Costello of which I don't think they'd approve.

Imitation is the sincerest form of plagurism.

[/joykill]

	07-06-2005 21:34									#4
	Suffering from ads?

quote: Originally posted by Tuberski Ask and Ye shall recieve: http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml ACK!

Thousands thanks.

	07-06-2005 21:41									#5
	Re: Re: Abbott and Costello revisited Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by The Emperor Fabulous Please, because that was painfully unfunny. A cheap knockoff of Abbot and Costello of which I don't think they'd approve. Imitation is the sincerest form of plagurism. [/joykill]

Although I am able to write extremely bad jokes, this one was found on
xynext.com/Abbott-Costello

	07-06-2005 23:09									#6
	Tired of ads?

ABBOTT & COSTELLO LEARN HEBREW
by R. Jack Moline

NOTE:

In order to appreciate this humor, you need to understand a few
Hebrew words. In Hebrew:

#1) Mee means 'Who' in English
#2) Hu means 'He' in English
#3) Hee means 'She' in English
#4) Ma mean 'What' in English
#5) Dag means 'Fish' in English

ENJOY! Be prepared to fall off you chair!

END OF NOTE

ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
COSTELLO: I'm ready to learn.

A: Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English
have many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same
thing.
C: Sure, I understand.
A: Now, don't be too quick to say that.
C: How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some
words in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean
the same.
A: Precisely.
C: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?
A: No, no. Precisely is an English word.
C: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So
make with the Hebrew.
A: Fine. Let's start with mee.
C: You.
A: No , mee.
C: Fine, we'll start with you.
A: No, we'll start with mee.
C: Okay, have it your way.
A: Now, mee is who.
C: You is Abbott.
A: No, no, no. Mee is who.
C: You is Abbott.
A: You don't understand.
C: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
A: Yes I did. Mee is who.
C: You is Abbott.
A: No, You Misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about mee.
C: Well, you're a nice enough guy.
A: No, no. Tell me about mee!
C: Who?
A: Precisely.
C: Precisely what?
A: Precisely who.
C: It's precisely whom!
A: No, mee is who.
C: Don't start that again-go on to something else.
A: All right. Hu is he.
C: Who is he?
A: Yes.
C: I don't know. Who is he?
A: Sure you do. You just said it.
C: I just said what?
A: Hu is he.
C: Who is he?
A: Precisely.
C: Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
A: No, precisely hee.
C: Precisely he? Who is he?
A: Precisely!
C: And what about me?
A: Hu.
C: me, me, me!
A: Hu, hu, hu!
C: What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
A: No, hu is he!
C: I don't know I maybe he is me!
A: No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)
C: Do his parents know about this?
A: About what?
C: About her!
A: What about her?
C: That she is he!
A: No, you've got it wrong-hee is she!
C: Then who is he?
A: Precisely!
C: Who?
A: He!
C: Me?
A: Hu!
C: He?
A: She!
C: Who is she?
A: No, hu is he.
C: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
A: No, that's not right.
C: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I
said it, and I know me.
A: Hu.
C: Who?
A: Precisely!
C: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
A: No, hee is she!
C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little Hebrew,
and now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
A: Go ahead.
C: Now first You want to know me is who.
A: Correct.
C: And then you say who is he.
A: Absolutely.
C: And then you tell me he is she.
A & C: Precisely!
C: Now look at this logically. If me is who. And who is he. And he is
she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?
A: Who?
C: She!
A: That is he!
C: Who is he?
A & C: Precisely!
C: I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home.
You know what I want? Ma!
A: What.
C: I said Ma.
A: What.
Q: What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
A: What!
C: Not what, who!
A: He!
C: Not he! Ma is not he!
A: Of course not! Hu is he!
C: I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he,
he is she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now and
play with my dog.
A: Fish.
C: Fish?
A: Dag is fish.
C: That's all, I'm outa here.
__________________

	08-06-2005 01:00									#7
	Get a bigger avatar today!

@ DAVOUT & lotm.

Thanks!