09-06-2005 21:37									#31
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"im trying to analyze some past relationships."

Beware of analyzing future ones to death. Western women tend to do this, driving men out the door trying to figure out what's wrong with them...or nagging...


Helpful hints there.

	09-06-2005 21:46									#32
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oh im not a nagger.. nor have i ever been on a crusade to change anyone.
in my experience.. its been the man who was those things. they always seem to think with a little hard work and disipline they can make me over into "fantasy girl" im just trying to figure out how "not" to become "project babe" next time.

	09-06-2005 21:47									#33
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get a project guy, that way change will be a "compromise"

	09-06-2005 21:53									#34
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quote: Originally posted by Lancer "im trying to analyze some past relationships." Beware of analyzing future ones to death. Western women tend to do this, driving men out the door trying to figure out what's wrong with them...or nagging... Helpful hints there.

Analyzing relationships is good, but controling people is not. Men need to do more analyzing and everyone needs to do less controling.

	09-06-2005 21:54									#35
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boann, maybe you don't pick the right guy. I've found many women go for a certain type of look, and are shocked when they are vain and just want to change their women as they have themselves...appearance wise. Women often go for pretty boys...not men.

So men go to the Philippines.

	09-06-2005 21:55									#36
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"Men need to do more analyzing"

Blah, you think too much.

	09-06-2005 22:03									#37
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i know i don't pick the right guys... thats why im in therapy... and why im analyzing the past.... duh...

and no i don't go for pretty boys... ive been attracted to those ruff around the edges.. macho males...
which is the whole problem.. i think..
maybe i just need to find "nice quiet nerdboy" who won't give me any ---- lol ... its a joke for those with no humor..

	09-06-2005 22:04									#38
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"maybe i just need to find "nice quiet nerdboy""

Lady, did you ever come to the right place!

	09-06-2005 22:08									#39
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boann,

What do you mean "macho" men - the kind that are only in love with themselves? If so then yes, you need to figure out why you are attracted to this type.

	09-06-2005 22:08									#40
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HEY! I'm mean, loud, and stupid!!!

crap, more ammo for Tehban.

	09-06-2005 22:09									#41
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quote: Originally posted by Lancer "maybe i just need to find "nice quiet nerdboy"" Lady, did you ever come to the right place!

well ive been around here for 6 years..
i came for the GAME not for the men
besides the ones my age are taken and the ones
not taken are too green for me i prefer mine with a little more dust on the bottle

	09-06-2005 22:11									#42
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Yeah, we're kinda deep in fruit juice around here.

	09-06-2005 22:14									#43
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious boann, What do you mean "macho" men - the kind that are only in love with themselves? If so then yes, you need to figure out why you are attracted to this type.

by macho i mean... well they are usually what you would call a mans man... conservative, right wing, hunter..fisherman.. types... me tarzan you jane
sort of guys.. who turn out to be controling *******s.
duh what did i expect... so im smarter now..
if i see one of those types i run like roadrunner in the opposite direction.

	09-06-2005 22:17									#44
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quote: Originally posted by boann by macho i mean... well they are usually what you would call a mans man... conservative, right wing, hunter..fisherman.. types... me tarzan you jane sort of guys.. who turn out to be controling *******s. duh what did i expect... so im smarter now.. if i see one of those types i run like roadrunner in the opposite direction.

Maybe there are some of those that aren't controling. I don't know.

	09-06-2005 22:22									#45
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"by macho i mean... well they are usually what you would call a mans man... conservative, right wing, hunter..fisherman.. types... me tarzan you jane "

Yeah, fishermen are the pits.

	09-06-2005 22:46									#46
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quote: Originally posted by Lancer "by macho i mean... well they are usually what you would call a mans man... conservative, right wing, hunter..fisherman.. types... me tarzan you jane " Yeah, fishermen are the pits.

lol... you know what i mean.. meathead

	09-06-2005 22:48									#47
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quote: Originally posted by boann what sort of actions would you think are obsessive? and no im not in a relationship just thinking ..... is writing a letter every day obsessive or is that just devotion.... is once a week more like friendship? how many phone calls cross over the line of interest to something else? i know the apparent things like everyone else.. that show obsession or stalking.. following them , or calling 20 times a day, or breaking into someones house.. those everyone knows cross the line .. but what things have happened to you that made you feel uncomfortable ?

ok back ontopic... jezzz
so no one has any answers to these pressing questions

	09-06-2005 22:49									#48
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Well, you described me pretty well, except I don't hunt anymore, not for ages in fact. Fish..ugg, I don't like to touch them, they're slimey.

	09-06-2005 22:59									#49
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quote: Originally posted by Lancer Well, you described me pretty well, except I don't hunt anymore, not for ages in fact. Fish..ugg, I don't like to touch them, they're slimey.

well then you and i will not be getting married

	09-06-2005 23:05									#50
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quote: Originally posted by boann not taken are too green for me i prefer mine with a little more dust on the bottle

About a foot and a half has collected on my bottle.

	09-06-2005 23:11									#51
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quote: Originally posted by Sprayber About a foot and a half has collected on my bottle.

is that right where have you been all my life

	09-06-2005 23:16									#52
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quote: Originally posted by boann is that right where have you been all my life

Arkansas, Georgia, Oklahoma, Italy, Germany.

And here on Poly...

	09-06-2005 23:20									#54
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"well then you and i will not be getting married"

I'm married and I still have to deal with rejection.

	09-06-2005 23:21									#55
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quote: Originally posted by boann what sort of actions would you think are obsessive? and no im not in a relationship just thinking ..... is writing a letter every day obsessive or is that just devotion.... is once a week more like friendship? how many phone calls cross over the line of interest to something else? i know the apparent things like everyone else.. that show obsession or stalking.. following them , or calling 20 times a day, or breaking into someones house.. those everyone knows cross the line .. but what things have happened to you that made you feel uncomfortable ?

I would say the answer to all the questions re letters/calls etc would be yes, thats obsessive - unless the other person reciprocated, and indulged in the same behaviour.

I know relationships with a controlling partner are, quite rightly, called unequal. Well, its a similar situation if one person is totally infatuated and devotes every hour of their life to another person (in thought or actions) when they just don't feel the same way. Determination is good, but people have to know when someone is just not after the same intensity of relationship, or is just not interested.

	09-06-2005 23:23									#56
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quote: Originally posted by Lancer "well then you and i will not be getting married" I'm married and I still have to deal with rejection.

hehe, you'll get over it

	09-06-2005 23:29									#57
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Devotion is love/enfatuation when you're thinking/feeling only for the other person

Obsession is love/enfatuation when you're thinking/feeling only for yourself... knowingly or unknowingly playing Jesus to make yourself feel better.

	09-06-2005 23:33									#58
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I don't think I've ever been the slightest bit attracted to women who might have been obsessive about me.

	09-06-2005 23:33									#59
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quote: what sort of actions would you think are obsessive? and no im not in a relationship just thinking .....

Growing up and to this day my parents have these friends, she's chinese and he's white. Her sister married this guy and totally obsseses over him. We went to their house for dinner one time and dinner was set to begin at 6pm, 7pm comes and goes and no dinner. The host, my folks friends, decides to serve dinner despite the protesting of her sister to wait for her husband, because he is late. The host says that he is the one is late and that not everyone should have to wait on his account... Her sister stormed out of the house mad as all hell.

That, is obsessesion.

Devoition would have been if her sister would prepare and keep warm a plate for her man.

quote: is writing a letter every day obsessive or is that just devotion.... is once a week more like friendship? how many phone calls cross over the line of interest to something else?

I leave notes around the house for my wife to find when I'm not there. She likes it. A letter everyday might be a bit much, unless it is short like "have a good day, love you, see you tonight"

Phone calls? If you are in a relationship with someone I don't see why a half hour every night can't be tolerated, just to see how each others days went.

	09-06-2005 23:41									#60
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quote: Originally posted by Whaleboy Devotion is love/enfatuation when you're thinking/feeling only for the other person Obsession is love/enfatuation when you're thinking/feeling only for yourself... knowingly or unknowingly playing Jesus to make yourself feel better.

I'm not sure it's that clear cut. People obsessed with someone often neglect their own physical and mental state to a dangerous degree, let every other area of their life suffer because of their feelings for that person.

Devotion is a nice idea and yeah, is probably completely selfless, but can be equally detrimental in the end. The person who cannot see fault in their partner no matter what they do or how they treat them, who always takes them back? Is that because they are feeling only for the other person, or because they are vulnerable and scared of being alone?