25-07-2005 11:09									#1
	The (self) education of Clifford Smith: Introduction Put an end to popups!

The origins of the present crisis

I am regarded by my peers and family as an intelligent guy, capable of great things. The problem is, I believed them. Hitherto I had regarded myself as intelligent guy capable of great things. The problem with this belief is that it coexisted with my disposition towards idleness and the fact that I have always swam in small ponds (Apolyton being a possible exception... I have always felt intellectually inferior on this forum). My primary school was the smallest in my town (in a rural region), as was my high school, and my University of Choice is 2nd rate in a 2nd rate state. I had the option of doing a BA at the best University in the State, but I chose Griffith because it supposedly had the best Political science faculty. However, looking back on my degree (I'm the second half of my third year, which is the last compulsory year), I realize that Politics has been peripheral to my overall intellectual preferences; that being social sciences in general and philosophy. I have really not taken to politics with any passion and as such I feel that I am inadequately instructed in that field (as I am in all others)

All of this boils down to a major crisis. I have done very well so far in each subject I have done (all to do with politics, political economy and sociology)... but I feel that given the quality of the University, the intellectual culture of the state in which I live (not to mention the country as a whole), and a perceived complacency in the teaching academics, I feel I have been given an easy ride, at the expense of any possible development of truly rigorous thought and reflection.

Crisis realized

Although my anxieties regarding this problem have been present with me for almost a year now, the revelation really only crystallized for me this morning when I attended the first lecture of the philosophy course I enrolled in this semester; Being, Consciousness, Existence... which examines the philosophies of Hegel, Nietzsche, and Heidegger. The first lecture was dedicated to an overview of Kant and his predecessors; notably Plato, Parmenides, the Medieval Nominalists and Realists, David Hume and Leibniz. I didn't really know what to expect, but I suppose that subconsciously I expected to distinguish myself in the seminar discussions (after all, I knew a thing or too about the philosophers in question, and I was a third year student enrolled in a second year course). How wrong I was. How arrogant I was. I believe I experienced what the Greeks term "aporia". Well, relatively speaking, anyway.
Whereas in most of my other courses I was a dominant figure in the discussions (perhaps due to the ignorance/shyness/indifference of the other students), I discovered that philosophy students, as opposed to almost every other student I'd encountered, were actually passionate and extremely well informed about what they are studying. I discovered that the lecturer was out to challenge the students, not merely guide them along like babies and clap everytime someone says a big word (an exagerration, but that's how it felt sometimes with other lecturers).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed about this. Rather, I'm absolutely elated that I've finally found a subject where I will be truly challenged to go beyond myself. I'm stoked to know that I will have difficulty with the concepts in the course and that I will have trouble keeping up with the pace of the lectures and discussions. I do know something about Nietzsche, and that is what he says about hardship. What does not kill me makes me stronger; mountain climbing is difficult, but it lets you see further than most people; the best philosophies are written in blood. In short, challenge and struggle are to be welcomed.

Mountain Climbing

Thus, I come to you in search of aid and counsel. Not aid and counsel as in the provision of Cliff notes, or answers to questions, but the kind Nietzsche wished upon his friends: the aid and counsel of challenge and hardship.
Over the next thirteen weeks I'm going to be keeping a log on Apolyton of what I learn this semester and I want you to challenge me, to test my knowledge, to find the limits thereof and the secrets therein to overcoming them. I know there are many intelligent people here, so I don't believe it is beyond your abilities to do these things.

I wish to learn how to think and write well. Help me. Critique my every word, sentence, paragraph. Reveal any inconsistency, any contradiction, any idleness of cognition. Lay bare all my faults and humiliate me with them. It's the only way I'm going to pick myself up.

If I seem melodramatic, it's because academia is the vocation I wish to pursue... and to be a good academic I need to change a lot about myself.

	25-07-2005 13:18									#2
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Young Dracon,

Your intellect is amazing. I remember the old days of you and I trading rap lyrics, I never would have imagined that you would have blossomed into an intellectual giant. (It's true).

I wouldn't worry about your "small pond" upbrining. In fact, sometimes it's an advantage. While the "big pond" kids have more resources available to them, they also have alot more distractions and a more complicated life. This means their mindset is often different and sometimes the ability to stay the course isn't as strong as someone from a smaller pond. Sometimes the smaller pond is better to start off in, in a protected environment, you learn strength.

Your writing is already at a very high level, and that's a no exaggeration, no bullocks assessment. But I commend you for wanting to improve.

Unfortunatley I'm not the guy to help you with that since I use improper English about 95% of the time.

	25-07-2005 14:25									#3
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Unfortunately this is where I don't have an edge. I'm a man of science and very technically minded but this kind of stuff does not fall in my ballpark really. I'll have a look though when they come up.

	25-07-2005 16:42									#4
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Good luck to you in your quest for enlightenment , Clifford . 'Tis indeed a noble endeavour .

And about your signature - philosophy which is inconsistent with the world is to be rejected , and that which is consistent is to be adopted and refined over time .

	25-07-2005 18:07									#5
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Thanks for the support guys.

quote: I remember the old days of you and I trading rap lyrics, I never would have imagined that you would have blossomed into an intellectual giant. (It's true).

I'm blushing I'll admit that I've certainly grown up a lot since then, and that I do know a thing or two about stuff (<-- vocab could be better though )... but I'm certainly no giant. Hell, I haven't even made it onto the shoulders of giants yet

I'm a fairly smart guy, but I've wasted a lot of time, I've skim read far too much, and my attention span leaves much to be desired. I have a superficial knowledge of a fair amount of subjects... the problem is I lack depth, or a well developed critical and prescriptive capacity.

quote: I wouldn't worry about your "small pond" upbrining. In fact, sometimes it's an advantage.

Certainly I'm glad I wasn't dropped in the big pond to begin with... but I think it's time to migrate I have an immortal fear of stagnation... but at the same time a fear of movement.

Syd Barrett's flatmate (post breakdown) was describing his impression of Syd's complete incapacity for activity (for a time he confined himself to his bed... staring into nothing). He said he liked to think of Syd as lying there thinking "My options are limitless, but if I get up and do something I will be limiting my options". I thought it was an apt description of how I often feel. If I spend too much time doing one thing, I feel that I am limiting my ability to do other things, so I flit from one thing to another quite quickly and thus don't really do anything with any depth or determination.

quote: Unfortunately this is where I don't have an edge. I'm a man of science and very technically minded but this kind of stuff does not fall in my ballpark really. I'll have a look though when they come up.

If you know anything you have something to offer others. It'd be good to get a scientific perspective of the philosophical topics that I'm studying.

quote: And about your signature - philosophy which is inconsistent with the world is to be rejected , and that which is consistent is to be adopted and refined over time .

True enough. I put it there as much out of the amusement I derived from leafing through the German Ideology and finding a reference to ****ing. Wasn't what I was expecting. I do think that philosophy is quite unobservant of society and its workings, and as such, seems a bit like navel gazing compared to the aims and works of Marx and other social scientists. I don't condemn philosophy for that though, as I don't think it's purpose is to put bread on people's tables (except for philosophy teacher's tables of course).

I'll start a discussion tomorrow about today's lecture. Thanks for the support guys!

	25-07-2005 18:37									#6
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I'm just like you.

	25-07-2005 21:35									#7
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Oh great, way to bring him down, che!!

	25-07-2005 21:49									#8
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I see traces of comparision between you and I as well.

I know what needs to be done, I'm already have a chosen field and am an established expert in it, but my main issue is I need to get off my lazy ass and do the things I know I need to do to continue pushing forward. I need to read and write more as well. Seek publication more. And for goodness sakes raise some fricken money.

	26-07-2005 03:47									#9
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I find this post amazing for how you managed to react after examining yourself and the reasons of your malaise.

I felt the same when I began my university adventure. I was surrounded by persons living for knowledge I used to find stimulating, but wouldn't exactly call the most interesting thing, nor something to spend extra-course time. And there was this hall with students (most of them younger than me) craving for every word of a professor, being the first to answer at questions I never thought about. It was such a shock I almost thought of quitting, I felt like I was wasting time. I stopped preparing my exams and started spending days at home staring at my bookshelf asking myself what happened.

Then I realized what the problem was about. Like you, like me, every person with some brain will think about being superior to others and that stuff. That's true considering the awful preparation level of schoolmates from basic to high-school. When a student compares himself to persons whose biggest dream is going on tv, you can't avoid being content about your limits, and stop developping.

Then I became a good friend of a clever, hard-working student of the only course I was still attending. Then I understood that you can't find a formula or an easy way for losing your arrogance and your bloated self-confidence. All you have to do is telling yourself "I am not the best. I will never be. But I can try to". Then look at the ones you admire and learn what makes them so special to your eyes (like I did) or ask others to challenge you.

Your thread explains this process in an excellent way, and I am sure me and other apolytoners will challenge you on your next thread with much interest