01-08-2005 04:11									#1
	How To Tell the Bad Guys . . . Got spare money?

(1) If one of the good guys, especially if he is particularly ugly, dresses up like a woman, a bad guy will instantly be romatically attracted to him.

2) If there is a sharp object protruding anywhere near the end of the movie, a bad guy will fall on it. The sharp object will not impale any arm, leg or earlobe but will invariably pierce the middle of the bad guy's chest.

3) A head bad guy will have impeccable manners.

4) An innocent person dying is incredibly funny to a bad guy.

	01-08-2005 04:30									#2
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Is this real life or movies??

	01-08-2005 05:29									#3
	Re: How To Tell the Bad Guys . . . Support Apolyton

quote: Originally posted by Zkribbler 4) An innocent person dying is incredibly funny to a bad guy.

But that's funny to everyone if it's a hokey enough death, like the chest-bursters from Alien.

	01-08-2005 05:32									#4
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You think that was funny?? DRoseDARs is a bad guy!!!

	01-08-2005 05:47									#6
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I'd like to keep one as a pet.

	01-08-2005 05:48									#7
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quote: Originally posted by Zkribbler You think that was funny?? DRoseDARs is a bad guy!!!

Or the one from Spaceballs.

"Oh no. Not again..." *croak* *que song-and-dance*

	01-08-2005 05:51									#8
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5) Facing certain death at the hand of the good guy, the bad guy will suddenly have a change of heart and beg for mercy rather than continue being a tough nail till the end. He will often try to win favour by offering half of the loot that the good guy took from him just 45 seconds ago.

	01-08-2005 05:59									#9
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And..

6) Bad guys have a 500% increased chance of being hit by bullets, compared to good guys.

	01-08-2005 06:18									#10
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7) The head baddie, if European, is most likely to be British, followed by a German than a Frenchman. It is an absolute certainty that there will be no Finnish bad guys.


P.S. Isn't it a little late to be posting, Taxman?

	01-08-2005 06:48									#11
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8) Minor baddies have great aim with firearms and intentionally miss the hero.

	01-08-2005 06:58									#12
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6a) Bad guys can use all nonnuclear weapons and still miss while good guys can hit a target with a .22 derringer at 500m shooting from a jeep going cross country at 80 km/h

	01-08-2005 07:14									#13
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9) Head bad guys love to gloat about their diabolical plans, particularly when asked (even if asked by a good guy).

	01-08-2005 07:27									#14
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10) Head bad guys never do the sensible thing, that is put a bullet in the head of the good guy - no way, it must be some clever contraption and of couse without surveillance (though, that thingie in - was it goldfinger ? - still give me the creep ).

	01-08-2005 07:34									#15
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You mean the laser beam between the legs?

	01-08-2005 07:37									#16
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Yup.

	01-08-2005 07:43									#17
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Dennis Hopper is the bad guy.......always.

ACK!

	01-08-2005 08:11									#18
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quote: Originally posted by Zkribbler You mean the laser beam between the legs?

there were like 20 people inside the room and in another glass room observing the events as they unfolded, Bond was dead if he hadn't have pulled that "Operation GrandSlam" Crap out of his ass . I also loved GoldFinger's speech to the other bad guys about human achievements, that was awesome.

	01-08-2005 08:14									#19
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Bad guys will only shoot at good guys in situations were it is possible for the good guy to dodge.

Executions are NEVER allowed, specially if the good guy is unconsious.

	01-08-2005 08:28									#20
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13. The only people bad guys ever kill are other bad guys. Head bad guys are merciless and would rather shoot their trusted henchmen than put up with their _______ (whining, injury, incompetence, bad acting, bad breath, bad timing).

	01-08-2005 10:07									#21
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Speaking of bad guys, if I ever become the evil overload that I dream of being:

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. [grrr.. Independence Day sucked!]

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

And my favourite (though I had to think about a sec):

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.



Excerpts from "The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord".

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

	01-08-2005 10:14									#22
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quote: Originally posted by GePap Bad guys will only shoot at good guys in situations were it is possible for the good guy to dodge.

Yes, it is possible for good guys to dodge bullets.

Bad guys can't.

	01-08-2005 12:21									#23
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quote: Originally posted by Omni Rex Draconis And my favourite (though I had to think about a sec): Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

An easier solution is to remove the floppy drive from the computers

	01-08-2005 16:15									#24
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UR's a bad guy h4XX0R.

If I was an evil genius, I'd just surround myself with nekkid hotties. No PG-rated action heroes could ever come close!