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deity
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What a brilliantly funny newsletter from Apolyton eh?
ROTFLMAO!!!
Let's start classifying us MP'ers by our main preferences 
I guess I'm a bit Borg and Corporate Whore with a touch of Freak ]
Never been a Git or Scout and never Regular!
I post it here for those who missed it!
Ming can take it out if it's overkill.....
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KNOW YOUR ENEMY
By Lazarus and the Gimp ( Alex.Woodland@ukgateway.net )
April 7, 2001
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Civ's been around for years now, and although the permutations of gameplay
are near-infinite there are certain factors that remain constant. One of
these is the type of opponent that you'll come up against, and despite
everyone bringing their own little quirks and screaming perversions to the
game there are certain key types to watch out for.
For the benefit of all Civ novices, here are the ones that can really ruin
your day.
1- The Git.
Pray you never play The Git. Of all the breeds of Civ player he is the
most excruciatingly irksome. Inside Civ games, The Git specialises in
wanton vandalism. He churns out low-grade units by the score, sending them
out in swarms on kamikaze orgies of destruction. Shunning direct
confrontation, he will mercilessly target your infrastructure and will
wreck roads, mines and anything else that comes within the grasp of his
grubby little paws. Against serious opposition he gets swatted early, but
anyone unfortunate to start next to him is doomed.
Away from Civ games The Git generally spends his spare time vandalising
phone boxes, spitting on passers-by from the tops of multi-storey car
parks, and scrawling homoerotic graffitti in public lavatories. He is
single, he is "going through a difficult phase", and he badly needs either
the loving guidance of a good woman or a damned good kicking.
2- The Borg
The Borg is hardcore, humourless and very dangerous. He has assimilated
every single fragment of tactical tips stored throughout the internet and
knows how to use them. You will instantly know when you are playing a
Borg, because you will stumble across thriving size 20 cities when your
own citizens are just starting to get the hang of sharpening twigs. No-one
ever observes how the Borg starts out- he just suddenly pops up out of his
little hideaway and kicks the crap out of everyone. Growth is everything
to the Borg, and he shies away from confrontation to lurk in quiet corner,
expanding like a particularly smug tumour.
Outside of Civ games, The Borg is one of those quiet little clerks who
appears to live behind his desk. You will barely notice his existance
until the day he doesn't show up to work- at which point you will discover
that he has inexplicably managed to embezzle all your employer's cash,
shagged your girlfriend, and framed you for an act of public indecency
with a piece of municipal sculpture.
3- The Boy Scout
The Boy Scout will immediately charge out across the map in a heady burst
of exploration. His units will roam around the map seeking out signs of
life, and setting up remote outposts. When encountering other
civilisations he falls over himself in his puppyish enthusiasm to
establish diplomatic relations, and leaps at every chance to forge
alliances. The Boy Scout tends to end up controlling vast tracts of land
but gets ripped to shreds the moment things turn nasty, as his huge
frontiers are almost impossible to defend. One curious fact about the Boy
Scout is that he always brings out the worst in every single one of his
opponents, who can often be seen drooling at the prospect of mauling his
unblemished flesh.
In real life the Boy Scout is one of those godawful Ivy League/Oxbridge
crashing bores who breeze through life effortlessly, convinced (in the
face of the facts) that there is good to be found in everybody. Getting
perfect grades, perfect health and a perfect job, he will finally end up
as the plaything of a 6-foot leather-clad dominatrix ladyboy called
"Madame Immaculata".
4- The Corporate Whore
Dangerous, Machiavellian and universally despised, the Corporate Whore
ruthlessly accumulates wealth. Everything has a price to this spiritually
bankrupt grasper, who concentrates on building a sinister industrial
super-state at the heart of his empire. Knowledge and property are valued
only for their commercial value, and he'll be only too ready to screw
every last penny out of his hapless allies for each pittance he tosses
their way. Alliances are only valued where he can be sure of royally
stabbing you in the back at the earliest opportunity. The Corporate
Whore's greatest fear is to be located next to The Git, the one enemy
utterly immune to his advances. If you see any player frantically
scrabbling to assemble the "United Nations" wonder (the sign of a
seriously untrustworthy bastard) you can be sure it's the Whore.
Away from his PC the Corporate Whore is your boss. With this fact in mind
ensure that you screw him before he gets the chance to screw you.
5- The Freak
The Freak is determined that his game will perfectly mirror the character
and history of his chosen race. In fact, he's been known to chide
opposition Mongols for abandoning their nomadic raider existance in order
to develop space flight. If he's playing as Carthaginians you may find
your tanks suddenly facing hordes of elephants. The Freak tends to provide
tremendous entertainment value that ends all too soon when the Borg chews
him up and spits him out in a mangled gobbet of gristle.
In real life (assuming of course that he has something approaching a real
life) The Freak is an enigma. Either he doesn' t get out much or no-one
will admit to knowing him.
6- The Regular, Ordinary Person.
This player is a myth. This is Civ we're talking about, after all. Next
time you play, put a mirror over your monitor. Do you see that leering,
twisted sociopath hunched over the keyboard? That's you, my boy.
So which one are you?
---
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Hmmm, should have included the horse 
------------------
The Mod war on Spam is a war on Fun!
Expose those who snitch to the OT mods! Do it today!
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GNGSpam
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Wiggins, MS, US
Oct 2000
time: 05:12
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The Corporate Whore, but with style
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cavebear
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of the Pleistocene
Oct 1999
time: 00:12
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LOL! Just read this thread (I had thought it was some game with unusual leader names) because it was mentioned in the Personality Type thread.
I agree the Geek is a missing category, but there are some others...
The Merchant. Lives for Trade, Caravans, and Gold. He will send out Settlers to establish many cities, but that's only so that he has a customer base where he gets the trade benefits in his own cities. He may specialize in bagging Barb Leaders for their ransom value. The Merchant's mititary is used mostly to keep the peace in his own cities, since he knows he can buy an army of defenders at will when required. He seldom bothers to build Temples or Colliseums for citizen happiness, but will thriftily buy Wonders for that purpose. After all, Wonders cost nothing to support!
The Merchant's plan is to arrive in the endgame able to buy a Spaceship in just a couple of turns.
The Public Servant. Whether in Monarchy, Republic, or Democracy, always thinks of himself as the Town Manager. He wants a solid infrastructure of Temples, Marketplaces, and Libraries, etc, to keep the public both happy and educated. Trade, taxes, production, and research are carefully balanced so that all possible benefits are available as needed. He *hates* having a single unhappy citizen around. The Public Servant always has a couple of defensive units in each city for the protection of the citizenry against Barbs or wandering enemy vandals, and for good Public Order. He values efficiency, but there are always those demands for Harbors and City Walls to be taken care of first, so he doesn't have many Wonders. He doesn't want *too* many cities, because he can't fairly take care of all of them. The Public Servant looks for a good ally to help protect his people and see to their proper development.
The Public Servant expects to be able to have his people ready to build a Spaceship (the fastest one possible, of course, for safety's sake) at the proper time.
<font size=1 face=Arial color=444444>[This message has been edited by cavebear (edited April 14, 2001).]</font>
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MattHiggs
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I'm the borg/scout I always send a couple of units out to explore, and build my cities up very quicky, hardly ever building units.
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EdwardTKing
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England
Aug 2000
time: 05:12
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I propose: "The Rabbit"
His philosophy is safety in numbers. Build as many cities as possible.
He knows it doesn't really matter if he loses the odd one, two or even half a dozen to a barbarian or human tiger. At all times; he will try to keep half his cities pregnant with settlers and if he sees grassland - whoopee just watch those settlers tails bobbing -it is Carrot City 1,2,3 to infinity all over.
The rabbit won't fight you if he thinks he can out breed you; but if you move in on him; an entire sub-continent will be filled with scores of low grade units (like a shoal of fluffy minnows) with every other square covered. Even tanks can only kill three warriors (separate squares) in one turn. [Hint: Fighters can quickly fill your cooking pot.] Defense in sheer depth of numbers and space defeated Napoleon and Hitler [and the DEA do not look like being much different]. Yes the Rabbit plans to smother you too!
The rabbit likes to play as China or Russia (or in ToT as Mermen) and start in fertile grasslands (the real world) with lots of rivers.
He will rarely be seen on a small manufactured world without adequate 'living room'.
The rabbit doesn't bother to seek out special resources but just creates his cities as quickly as possible; knowing full well that with sufficient city density, every resource in his area will be used sooner or later.
If you fight a rabbit warren on a mountain it is not for defense but only because the Rabbit ran out of room and sniffed offshore Fish or Whales.
Rabbit Money only exists for rush building settlers/gardens and as for Luxury or Elvis you won't find that in his world's villages. Science; that is what bunny diplomats and spies are for. Cultivating land - what ho - I only thought AIs did that - honest!
The Rabbit has only two terrors:
(a) starting in a grass free (very bunny challenging) arid or frigid zone or even (horrors of all horrors) a remote island!; and
(b) someone else building the Great Wall, the Hanging Gardens AND Michelangelo's before him. If he can build the Great Wall and fortify two Pikemen in each of his 40/50 population 3 (primitive third world undeveloped cities) he is in heaven as it is scacely worth anyone's while to attack them all as they get destroyed and buying them all would put the Merchant's Civ in very serious disorder not to mention losing all those first ratios in the F11 Times. His greatest opponent is usually the Scout who he competes against for the most land early on.
The rabbit has a sense of humour:
(a) chuckles of laughter whenever a single city wonder (the Colossus, Copernicus Observatory, King Richard's Crusade, Isaac Newton's College or Shakspeare's Theatre)is mentioned. He genuinely cannot see the point and thinks that others have either missed out on their wanted wonder or clicked on the wrong wonder button.
How to defeat the rabbit:
(a) don't let him host and refuse to extend the turn time. Just wait for his plaintive cries of: "I need more time; my settlers (bunnies) want to build cities and get in production (pregnant building more settlers)"
(b) make it an oceanic world (but, be cruel, don't tell him before) or
(c) declare war and send over one or two; but really no more, horsemen, chariots, elephants or crusaders. You do not even have to attack to stampede him into switching his (35 shield already built) construction lines in each of the nearest 20 cities away from settlers (bunnies) into building phalanxes or pikemen or ha ha (if early on) two warriors per city. If playing two move multiplayer; follow this up with a couple of catapults and observe the panic rush building of City Walls. All this will thoroughly disrupt his rabbit reasoning plans.
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12-04-2001 05:08
I love to expand and make contact with everyone, but I'll also stab in the back when I have an overwhelming advantage. The way to play me, frankly, is to acquire trust through strength.
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