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Starchild
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a raving alcoholic drama queen with a penchant for the biosciences
Jan 1970
time: 00:17
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Come now Asher. The Weekly World News is a fine, unbaised source of information. I mean, look at this breaking story
quote:
SPACE ALIEN GAL CLAIMS NASA ASTRONAUT GOT ME PREGNANT'
By MIKE FOSTER
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - A sex scandal of intergalactic proportions flared up when a female space alien told NASA officials she's pregnant - and an astronaut is the daddy!
The lady extraterrestrial claims she was seduced by the womanizing rocket jockey while serving aboard the International Space Station for two months as part of a top-secret exchange program, a high-level NASA source reveals.
"This is a potential public-relations disaster," says the space agency insider, who leaked an eye-popping photo of the expectant E.T. to Weekly World News.
"We're out there trying to convince our friends in the universe that we're a mature species ready to accept the responsibilities of interstellar flight. Then this happens and it looks like we can't keep our spacesuits zipped up and our hands off their women."
NASA has clamped a lid of secrecy over its ongoing investigation into the sexual-misconduct charges.
Officials refuse to acknowledge that aliens have been aboard the ISS at all - far less that any have been playing "dock the rocket ship" with astronauts.
Neither the name of the Romeo astronaut nor of the frisky female alien have been released. But rumors about the steamy fling have been circulating through the aerospace grapevine, due to the indiscretion of the skirt-chasing space hero himself.
"When this guy got back to Earth, he couldn't stop bragging about how he'd 'joined the 240-mile-high club' with this gorgeous 'space babe,' as he called her - even though the whole alien program is supposed to be highly classified," revealed the NASA insider.
"He kept yakking about how 'out-of-this-world' it was making love in zero gravity, that they did things you wouldn't dream of attempting on Earth. And his own performance, of course, was supposedly Herculean - he claims he made her antennas pop up.
"Honestly, it was like being back in the '60s when women were just sex objects and astronauts were these macho supermen who could get all the girls to fawn over them."
But the high-flying Don Juan made one big goof.
"He and the alien gal didn't bother to use any protection," said the insider. "It seems a scientist buddy of his had told him that the chances of a human and an extraterrestrial conceiving a child were one in a million, about the same as for an alligator and a duck.
After confirming her pregnancy three weeks ago, the alien mom-to-be informed her superiors and, acting on her behalf, they've formally asked NASA for a full explanation.
"The alien told NASA, 'NASA astronaut made me pregnant,' and that our astronaut will have to 'do the right thing,'" the insider said.
"We don't even know exactly what that means yet, but I can tell you, the astronaut is depressed and worried - he was hoping to remain a bachelor for years." |
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Case
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The backlash starts here
Feb 2000
time: 15:17
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Is this Wiglaf's way of admitting he's someones troll DL? I mean, who in their right mind would take stories from that publication seriously.
I like this:
quote:
Mars turning Red White and Blue
PASADENA, Calif. - We may soon have to stop calling Mars "the Red Planet" and rename it the Red, White and Blue Planet - because the far-flung world is turning the colors of the American flag, astonished scientists say.
"It's remarkable. Mars is starting to look like the Empire State Building lit up in patriotic colors on the Fourth of July," says a NASA insider privy to top-secret new photos of Mars.
The extraordinary photos were beamed back to Earth by the unmanned 2001 Mars Odyssey space probe just days after it reached the distant planet on Oct. 24, 2001.
They were promptly stamped "classified" by secretive NASA officials, who refuse to release them "until the phenomenon is better understood," according to the insider.
The explanation for the familiar red hue from which Mars gets its nickname is well-known - the rocky surface is covered with rust. But the change to the new color scheme, believed to have begun in late September, is baffling even to rocket scientists.
"The best our geologists can come up with is that recent storms may have exposed ice and water just under the surface," said the insider. "The melting ice would appear blue, like Earth's oceans, and the evaporating water would form clouds, explaining the white. "But what is mind-boggling is that the red, white and blue aren't in random patches, but distinct bands -suggesting they are the product of intelligent design.
"As crazy as it sounds, many of us now believe that the inhabitants of Mars are doing this deliberately as a symbol of their solidarity with the United States." |
Nice to have you back Wiggy 
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Apolyton Time is 00:17. |
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25-01-2002 05:07
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