12-04-2002 06:42									#31
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honestly, i don't remember anything that awful going on
when i was in school ... maybe it was different then or maybe it was me........ i was kind of a loner........ never paid much attention to the social folks and they didn't bother me any.............. i had some nice friends. i was mostly a quiet girl... probably no one would remember me anyway.



i don't think being mean is strickly a male or female thing. i think
its just what sad troubled folks do to make themselves feel superior and better .

	12-04-2002 06:55									#32
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well its not really that they're vicious... but rather they feel an obsesive need to fit in, because if they are unpopular they won't have friends, they won't go to parties, they won't guys... therefore they try to ostracize others so they themselves won't be ostracize... vicious cycle perhaps... but i've heard other stories about it, and it really is torture, unfortunately it is not a problem that can easily be fixed... with guys i think it can be just as bad if not worse, mainly because guys tend to get more physical in ostracizing others...

well i know this pretty well... and i don't know, its all just a mess

	12-04-2002 09:49									#33
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well, i did get made fun of by men as well..the difference being they were more vocal about it than the girls. INstead of a girl saying to my face, they'd make fun of me behind my back..well..sorta..
they'd do that thing where they whisper in another girls ear but snicker, point and glance at you. i think i'm a paranoid mess because of that now.

Women also don't play fair in fighting..tends to be much more vicious...we don't have unspoken rules like men..we WILL go for the most painful vulnerable spot you have on you (i.e. if you're a man: the balls)

quote: I've found that men generally make better friends than women.

unless it's with the opposite sex. i have yet to have a guy friend (that was straight) who didn't want more from me.

i know my sister has stuff going on like this...but it all started at a much earlier age. One of her close friends took a pair of scissors to her backback in first grade or so. and she's much the social butterfly..popular girl. i wonder if it gets worse as time goes in the preteen ages.

	12-04-2002 13:46									#34
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quote: Originally posted by Blackwidow24 Same here, I find the best malefriends..but the worst female friends. Yeah and I always lose my male friends because they want more than friendship from me....Do men always have an alterior motive when becoming friends with a female? ANyways..don't mean to stray from the topic...that was a question that haunts my mind quite often...

Perhaps you play into this by choosing men for friendships who you feel you can control due to their attraction to you. Most attraction happens right away as you intimate, so these situations are probably set up from the get go. This situation is really common btw, and most people grow out of it when they tire of the game and realize its warning signs. A healthier belief in your ability to hold your own with a man on an equal footing will solve this problem for you, just as a healthy belief in their own ability to relate to women who they are attracted to in an honest manner will do the same for your erstwhile male friends / admirers.

	12-04-2002 16:12									#35
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I wish some of my female friends wanted more from me :/

	13-04-2002 01:30									#36
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do you think alot of opposite sex friendships (both being straight) have an underlying purpose of control...
or just BW, Sikander?
are women more apt to play games with male friends or females? i think both BUT females are harsher with each other and tend to go easier on males.

	13-04-2002 02:00									#37
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Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

I tend to think of groups of women having an alpha female "leader" much like packs of wild wolves. In wolf packs the alpha female atagonizes the beta female until she is either ostracized from the pack, or is simply killed.

I don't recognize this behaviour in men, though being a man myself may have something to do with it. I suppose it does exist it's just that I choose not to align myself with such petty nonsense and seek out friendships of equality.

	13-04-2002 04:13									#38
	Full PM-box? Change here!

most gangs are male....don't they all have heads..
most leaders of countries are men....who declare war etc etc etc. but i think it's more obvious with men than the games that women play. you see that they have a leader but only their targets know what the leader tells them to do.

	13-04-2002 06:12									#39
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quote: Originally posted by devilmunchkin do you think alot of opposite sex friendships (both being straight) have an underlying purpose of control... or just BW, Sikander? are women more apt to play games with male friends or females? i think both BUT females are harsher with each other and tend to go easier on males.

First of all DM this isn't a question he can answer for you..he doesn't know me... I don't try and control people..men or women.


And Sikander...Men start talking to me and we become friends..before I know it they are wanting to kiss and blah blah blah...the only person's life I have control over is my own..therefore I cut the relationship off right then and there.
When I become friends with a male I have no other intentions than to BE THERE FRIEND.. I have learned a long time ago that you can't control or change people.
Plus I am very INDEPENDENT and I can't stand people giving me things or people paying my way for things..It also makes me nervous when a man hits on me..just because I am not a very affectionate person and don't take compliments well...the only people I let hug and kiss me all the time are my children

	13-04-2002 08:12									#40
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This ties in with something which happened to me a while back; I was waiting to meet a girl, who I'd met while I was out the night before, for lunch. Meanwhile a couple of good female friends of mine happen by, exclaim 'look, he's waiting for someone!' and start questionng me about who she is. Very shortly afterwards the girl I was waiting for walked up (inevitably, coming up behind me while I was explaining that no, I hadn't slept with her yet ) and I went off with her while my friends wandered off.

Then those two completely blanked me for about a fortnight afterwards! The only reason I could think of was that the girl I was meeting was fairly hot, while the two friends are both... ummm... on the heavy side of attractive?

They were good friends, and they'd shared a lot of time and confidences with me in the past, so I was a bit surprised they had such a petty reaction. *Shrug* it didn't matter to me overly much - I'm still a geeky loner at heart - but all the same, they've never seen me taking a girl out since.

Men do mostly seem to take their disagreements lightly. Yesterday, one of the friends I live with attacked me with a wire coat-hanger (over a game of chess, of all the damned things) and I pinned him to the floor in a neck lock, inflicted a bit of pain back, and let him know he shouldn't do that. Today I think we're probably better friends that we were before it happened. ( Well, he's a bit more respectful anyway. )

In fact, wherever two guys I know have seriously fallen out there's a girl somewhere in the background. Not necessarily a girl they're fighting over, but just a cause of trouble; a girlfriend one guy doesn't get on with, and friend who's someone's ex, etc...


As for men always wanting more from female friends... hmmm... I know guys who are like this, and guys who aren't. Personally I've usually had more friends who were girls than guys, and most of those I've had no interest in. Heck, I've even turned down sex with friends on occasion. Sometimes I think women complain about this a bit too much to be plausible, but then I'm just an evil, cynical sort of person.
To be fair, there are certainly men who chase women by first *pretending* that they just want to be friends, which must be pretty annoying. Pretty futile, too.

Ahh, having firmly slagged off women here I should probably say something nice to avoid all that female aggression. Well, as I said I have a lot of female friends, and usually find their company more comfortable than that of guys. There's much, much better communication, and not nearly so much posturing and macho junk, which I hate. Men always seem to be trying to score points off one another.

	13-04-2002 09:14									#41
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do you think that women, perhaps as a majority, often only want a certain man because he is unavailable to her???? they like the challenege or like demeaning another woman?
what about the woman makes her able to be so vindictive, vengeful, hateful and able to hold grudges...etc etc. ?

	13-04-2002 09:43									#42
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quote: Originally posted by devilmunchkin do you think that women, perhaps as a majority, often only want a certain man because he is unavailable to her????

Only one of my ex-girlfriends operated like that. The rest were just extremely needy.

quote: what about the woman makes her able to be so vindictive, vengeful, hateful and able to hold grudges...etc etc. ?

My ex-girlfriends went around manufacturing huge emotional gaps in their lives that they needed to fill with something. One of them filled this manufactured gap by reveling in her power over men, the rest filled this manufactured gap by falling hopelessly in love with any suitable piece of meat (preferably one that was mute, so that they could ascribe any emotions they wanted to it at their convenience).

The former ex-girlfriend was just a vicious human being, both sexes have them. The latter ex-girlfriends were comparably nice, but as soon as they saw that emotional gap looming in front of them (for example, as soon as they were dumped, or as soon as they saw a perceived threat to their "relationship" in another woman) they'd go hog-wild with vindictiveness and hate. If they couldn't add meaning to their lives with "love" (or rather "delusion"), they'd reflexively do it with hate.

Except for the vicious one, I more-or-less got back on speaking terms with my ex-girlfriends once they sank their claws into some other poor sucker; they had meaning to their lives again, so they no longer needed to hate me.