17-05-2002 08:14									#1
	Joke of the Day Get a bigger avatar today!

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says,
"G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila.....Not only are you a great ****, but you're a real sport too."
And drives off.

	17-05-2002 09:09									#2
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guffaw

	17-05-2002 09:12									#3
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Shhh, don't encourage him...he might tell another if you do!

	17-05-2002 09:14									#4
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quote: Originally posted by Boris Godunov Shhh, don't encourage him...he might tell another if you do!

	17-05-2002 09:35									#5
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Didn't find anything funny in this at all.

What is there to laugh about?

	17-05-2002 09:55									#6
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That is very amusing in a very sick way

Simpson's style disclaimer, rapid fire fashion: I do not condone any activities in the joke. Except maybe the sex part.

	17-05-2002 10:28									#7
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun What is there to laugh about?

It's ridiculing the legendary callousness of the steroetypical Austalian straight male.

	17-05-2002 10:31									#8
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun Didn't find anything funny in this at all. What is there to laugh about?

Blah.

I when I read it...

	17-05-2002 13:00									#9
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Callousness is useful in certain situations.

	17-05-2002 15:53									#10
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quote: Originally posted by Zkribbler It's ridiculing the legendary callousness of the steroetypical Austalian straight male.

Ahh!

See- I didn't get that.

	17-05-2002 20:16									#11
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A woman went to the doctors office.

She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped and sked her what the problem was, and she explained.

He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and emanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs.Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

	17-05-2002 23:36									#13
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The first joke got a The second Tres amusant

	17-05-2002 23:37									#14
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A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be

$3,500 for "small,"

$6,500 for "medium," and

$14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

	17-05-2002 23:38									#15
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I didnt get Tia's joke.

	17-05-2002 23:42									#16
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I don't get any of these

what is callousness?

	17-05-2002 23:47									#17
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That was an evil amazonian joke , Tia.

	17-05-2002 23:49									#18
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Sorry Well then I guess I will just have to even out the scales. Ok.....this might be a bit boarderline So consider yourself warned.


A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret, as she's embarrassed by it being such a very personal situation and that she doesn't want anyone to find out about it The doctor agrees.

When she wakes up from her operation, she finds three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed . Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation !" Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody.

The first rose is from me. I felt so bad for you because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation; she had the same operation done herself some time ago."

Who is the third rose from?" she asked.

Oh," says the doctor," "That rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He just wanted to thank you for his new ears."

	17-05-2002 23:53									#19
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bah that one

figured what callousness is. your jokes still aren't funny.

(not Tia in special, I can't laugh at either of these)

	17-05-2002 23:55									#20
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Oh god, that last one was...

	17-05-2002 23:56									#21
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun Didn't find anything funny in this at all. What is there to laugh about?

And who said Americans didn't have a sense of humour?

	17-05-2002 23:57									#22
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quote: Originally posted by Ecthelion bah that one figured what callousness is. your jokes still aren't funny. (not Tia in special, I can't laugh at either of these)

Then don't read them!! Cause more are coming

	17-05-2002 23:59									#23
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A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It
read:

"Dear wife,

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have
certain needs which
you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise
happy with you as a wife,
and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended
to learn that by the
time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my 18 year
old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter
waiting for him that
read as follows:

"Dear Husband,

You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive
this, I will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being
the brilliant
mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate
the fact that 18 goes
into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't
wait up."


Now this one I like

	18-05-2002 00:00									#24
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Keep going Tia, these are good

	18-05-2002 00:02									#25
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...This was worse. in the good way. I have a similar one, but It won't be funny, esp. now. Heck , I'll give it a try anyway.

a guy got his lips torn off in a freak accident. His surgeon tells him that the only lips he could get as a replacement are vaginal ones. Reluctantly , the guy agrees. The guy returns to the unit a month after his release .
The doctor asks him: " well, how are you doing , sir? "

The man answers : " Relatively well. I've got this one problem now."

-"What is it?"

-"When I stand naked infront of a mirror, I either get a hard on , when I look at my face , or when I look down , my lips start to shake".

	18-05-2002 00:02									#26
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crap.....hold on

	18-05-2002 00:03									#27
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oh , and the new one, I heard it before, and I still love it

	18-05-2002 00:06									#28
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This blonde heard that milk baths would make her
beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,
"I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5
gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to
fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

	18-05-2002 00:07									#29
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat Sorry Well then I guess I will just have to even out the scales. Ok.....this might be a bit boarderline So consider yourself warned. A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret, as she's embarrassed by it being such a very personal situation and that she doesn't want anyone to find out about it The doctor agrees. When she wakes up from her operation, she finds three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed . Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation !" Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt so bad for you because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation; she had the same operation done herself some time ago." Who is the third rose from?" she asked. Oh," says the doctor," "That rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He just wanted to thank you for his new ears."

There´s one guy I could lick in the ear

	18-05-2002 00:11									#30
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat This blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

I didn´t get that one