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Rotten999
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Milwaukee, WI
Mar 2002
time: 23:19
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Author's Note: Now for something completely different, at least for me. This is my attempt at a comedy, based on my experiences with the NES and this board in general. Keep your eyes peeled, because a few familiar faces might show up! (hopefully those people will feel honored, not offended).
"James, you work like old people f---!" Eric James' boss was in Eric's face.
"I..I..." Eric's mouth was like cotton. Deprived of the precious gift of spit, the words wouldn't come.
"I'll unscrew your head, and...." Eric felt faint. He'd never seen Mr. Rection this angry.
"...down your neck!" Mr. Rection's fat face was bright red, his eyes seemed to be considering leaving the sockets to settle new territory elsewhere.
"I'm really sorry, sir." Eric dropped the file on Mr. Rection's desk.
"When you where born, James, your old man went to the zoo and threw rocks at the stork! You're a walking birth control ad! You'd have to get smarter to be considered an idiot!"
A realization washed over James like cold refreshing water. The job was terrible, the pay was terrible, and his boss was using him as one-liner target practice. It was time for some of that sweet, sweet, revenge.
"File this, you b----!" Eric whipped out an axe, and sliced Mr. Rection's head in two . "I'm a little teapot, and I'm on the burner!"
"Are you even listening to me Eric! Unf--- yourself!" The yell snapped Eric out of the fulfilling revenge fantasy. Oh that lovely fantasy world where he could go apesh*t and butcher people.
"You have one more chance, pal! Your next article better blow my skirt up, or I'll kill you and donate the corpse to the museum's primitive man exhibit!"
"Thank you sir. You're too genorous."
"This doesn't mean we'll be showering together, although I bet you'd like that. H-ll, I bet you wouldn't mind picking up soap for me." Eric again imagined himself killing his boss, using a claw-hammer this time.
"What are you waiting for, me to kiss you goodbye? Out!"
Eric spent the remainder of the day going through the motions, editing articles for the world's fifth biggest Bridal Magazine. "It is considered acceptable for a non-vigin to wear white, if it is her first marriage." Should be "virgin" thought Eric bitterly. There was a word he knew all about.
Four hours later, Eric was home and ready for the one fulfilling activity in his life. He loaded up the Apolyton page, and went to check on the NES. His America had just revealed that it was actually ruled by a council of highly evolved crabs from the Andromeda galaxy. Here come the funny "crab" jokes, thought Eric as he prepared to type a post. Suddenly, a green gas began pouring under the door of his apartment.
Eric looked at the gas in disbelief. "The exterminators weren't supposed to come today...and I never hired exterminators either. Which means..."
Eric collapsed to the floor of the apartment, out colder than Vanilla Ice's career.
Comments encouraged!
Last edited by Rotten999 on 20-05-2002 at 07:23
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20-05-2002 07:13
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