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Mr. Nice Guy
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"I'm gonna speak softly, but carry a BIG STICK!!!"
Mar 2002
time: 23:19
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Ok, here's your chance to submit your funniest funnies to Apolyton. You can either find a joke somewhere else or make one up on your own. I'll start. Here goes:
We All Love Jesus
The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with his shouting, "Go! Jesus Christ, GO!" Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and smiled to all those loving people.
There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about "sunny beach" and I saw him waving in a funny way with his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
Several cars behind, a very nice large man stepped out of his car yelling something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like "mother trucker" or mother from there. Maybe he was from Florida too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light had changed to yellow and I stepped on the gas. It was a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign and I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful people.
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:19
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and he's right, laughing at your own joke is alright
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:19
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But if you don't think they suck but find them rather funny, you can do so.
Though humour is always better when the performing one stays dry as dust...
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:19
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Orange... that's a Winamp file icon....
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:19
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For a moment I thought you were MrFun.
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Mr. Nice Guy
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"I'm gonna speak softly, but carry a BIG STICK!!!"
Mar 2002
time: 23:19
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Drunk on a bus
A drunk gets on a transit bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the the bus from the front.
"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, reeling, shouts back "And I'm not going to!..... I walked all the way!"
And I'll laugh at my own jokes if very well want to. 
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Tiamat
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.....and George's daughter
Mar 2000
time: 05:19
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This is for my friend......Mr. Fun
The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came down the aisle and announced to the passengers,
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said,
"In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitc*." 
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20-05-2002 23:51
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