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Jaguar
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Montgomery County, MD
Apr 2000
time: 00:19
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Just a fun short story to go in the story contest. This has a completely different tone from my first story, and it fits neatly between it and its second part. I did this to kinda lighten up, because I want a break from writing about WWIII. (It gets to you after a while.  ) Anyway, no further ramblings...
There was, in the town of Warwick, an old lady named Ms. Ipswich. She got very angry if anyone called her Mrs. Smith, as her husband was dead. Her husband, thankfuly, was dead, as she liked to put it. In short, she was a very mean lady.
A British public school was behind her house, and kids would play cricket in the area. But any ball that went over her barbed wire fence was a lost ball, without any questions asked. Particularly because the balls often landed in her rose garden. She spent 12 hours a day working on her rose garden, 8 hours sleeping in a lawn chair near it with a shotgun across her lap, and the other 4 yelling at people.
So, needless to say, when the British Royal army forced her to sell her home to the government so an arms manufacturing plant could be built there, she was not a happy camper. Literally, a camper. She built a tent near her rose garden, protecting it from the British troops.
But at last, the government lured her into giving up her gun. Then they overpowered her, and she was dragged, biting and scratching, to Saint LeAnne's Asylum. Then the government began construction.
In less than three months, Ms. Ipswich escaped from the asylum. Three days later, the manufacturing plant blew up.
(Yes, I do know where this is going. its going to be silliness, but it will be controlled silliness.  )
So, what do you think so far? Funny? or not funny?
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Jaguar
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Montgomery County, MD
Apr 2000
time: 00:19
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quote:
this just sounds like a crazy old lady |
This from the writer of metaliturtle goes apeshit?  .
But don't be silly. She didn't have 10,000 cats. She had a dog. And his name was Frufru, and he was a 8 inch long fluffball that somehow learned to bark. And that was about all he knew how to do, so he did it often.
But back to the story... I know what you are thinking. You thought Ms. Ipswich did it. Well you were wrong! It was Chancellor Wilhelm of Germany.  With the arms manufacturing plant gone, England was losing defensive power, and the smaller Germany now had a shot at a takeover. They just had to swiftly invade England before its superior industry could turn the tide back.
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As Wilhelm began his war address to the people, the Assassin stepped out of the shadows. Then he stepped back into the shadows, so he could dramatically step out of the shadows again. Stepping out of the shadows was his favorite part of the job. Unfortunately, he didn't much like the killing part. As he aimed the pistol, he closed his eyes so he wouldn't see the death. Since his eyes were closed, he couldn't aim properly, and he shot the bullet high into the air, beyond the town square. The Assassin loved to rhyme things. So, to clear his mind, he went back into the shadows. Then, dramatically, yet again, he stepped out of the shadows. But then the Die Sprachtenzetenautomitenbrachtenberger-Schmidt, or the German Secret service, overpowered him.
Meanwhile, Wilhelm's troops were on the march.
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Jaguar
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Montgomery County, MD
Apr 2000
time: 00:19
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hmm, 1 good vote, 1 bad. Now I'm scared nobody likes my stories anymore.
But in faith, I will keep writing.
Germany sent transports filled with infantry onto England's west coast. Wilhelm believed that he could win the war. But meanwhile, he had other things to deal with. There was a knock on his door.
"Who is it?" demanded Wilhelm's harsh voice.
"Kidnappers"
"Bobo, you idiot! You weren't supposed to tell him that!"
"Jack, you're the idiot!"
"What did I do?"
"Umm, umm"
The duo entered. Jack was still berating poor Bobo, who looked like a nice person who had just been forced down the wrong path.
Then the Die Sprachtenzetenautomitenbrachtenberger-Schmidt knocked them senseless and carried them away.
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They found themselves in a cell with a man in black. The man identified himself as the Assassin. And he said that the next time the guard came in, they would step out of the shadows and hit him over the head. They wouldn't kill him, of course, because the Assassin didn't like to kill.
Jack shook his head. "Bobo will probably screw it up."
"Will not!"
"Will too!"
"Will not!"
A small scuffle ensued. While they were distracted, the guard brought their food, and was out before they even noticed.
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01-06-2002 05:08
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