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Jaguar
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Montgomery County, MD
Apr 2000
time: 00:20
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"So," said Hammurabi, pacing the throne room, "we have the greatest land holdings in the world, a scientific lead, and access to saltpeter, iron, and horses. But the enemy Triad Alliance of Russia, America, and France is larger than us when put together, and is near to us in production power and science. Does anyone have suggestions?"
"There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire," said the Military advisor.
"I don't care. They're on the Egyptian continent." Said Hammurabi
"Compared to those guys, we have a strong army." The Military advisor adjusted his helmet and gave a satisfied grin. Hammurabi just ignored him. "Any other suggestions?"
The Military Advisor raised his hand. "There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire."
"You already said that, you dimwitted fool!"
"Oh, I did?" The Military Advisor was not known for intellectual capacity.
"Yes. Now I have a job for you. Look for the big strategy map."
"Where's that?"
"In your office!"
"Oh." He wandered off the wrong way.
"Downstairs! Go downstairs! " And the Military Advisor skipped off, happy that he was doing something useful.
"Now," said Hammurabi, "I'll remind you that the subject was the war against the Alliance. Any suggestions?"
"Nineveh is growing slowly, sire." The domestic advisor gave the annoying dissappointed-looking face.
"That is not the subject! Now any useful advice would be appreciated!"
“OK, how about this? We research Steam Engine, create steam powered boats and rule the seas,” said the Science Advisor.
“Thank you for the first useful piece of advice. Now Kyushi, you haven’t said anything. What do you suggest?”
“In my opinion,” said the Culture Advisor, “we should get Persia to ally with us in exchange for Chivalry so they can build knights, which, in conjunction with their cheap but powerful Immortals, could put their military force among the top five in the world. We begin by using Bowmen to rush the sole American iron source, which, in addition to being on the coast, is also on a mountain, which will make it easily defensible. They will not be able to create Pikemen in mass without their iron, and will therefore be susceptible to an overland attack by our knights that were stationed in Nineveh after the forty year war against Greece…”
“There are Gaul tribes near Lagash, sire!” With an air of urgency, the Military Advisor delivered the news, interrupting the culture advisor’s plan.
“Shut up!” shouted Hammurabi.
“Could I wear your big tall hat?” asked the Foreign advisor.
“No!”
“Then I will do voodoo on you.” Responded the Foreign advisor.
“You do voodoo?” said Hammurabi.
“Who do voodoo?” The Military Advisor was intrigued. Those Gauls probably had something to do with it.
The Trade Advisor sighed. It was no use being a spy if one doesn’t learn anything, she thought. She quietly left the room.
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Is this funny? I am experimenting with comedy a little, before I start my next epic. Feedback please.
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11-06-2002 10:22
it is! But interestingly, the two advisors that are smart in my story are the two that you make fun of in yours. 
very weird. I've always invisioned the culture advisor as being the only smart one.
Keep it up! 
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