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GhengisFarb
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I want my HAMBURGERS!!
May 2002
time: 23:21
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After much discussion, the Apolytonian Weapon Works, one of the largest employers of Ubergorsk has determined to offer products based on new plants discovered by one of our Mineral Location and Procurement teams.
First, is a plant we call Sugar Cane. When processed it can produce a white granular substance that can make almost any food source edible, regardless of how bad it tastes! This new patented product will be sold under the name Sugar Dust and we are currently looking for a product spokesmodel who is 'sweet and dainty'.
Second, is product derived from something we've discovered call Cocoa plants. We have named the products after the team member who was fortunate (or stupid enough) to be the first to try it, namely Chocoloten of Ubergorsk. Often mixed with our Sugar Dust it will be available as Chocoloten Bars, Chocoloten Syrup(great on bananas), and Choco Powder(which can be used to make a delicious drink in the winter). Potential spokesmodel candidates should be "smooth and lucious".
And Finally, a product derived from something called Coffee Beans, while not particularly tasty, it is much more palitable with our Sugar Dust and the taste has a tendency to grow on you. The side effects are astounding however. We have noticed our employees who have used it work 200% faster that their colleages, are NEVER late to work, and seem to think and react quicker on their feet. The product will be available as ground powder called simply Coffee. Potential spokesmodel candidates should be "energetic and hyper".
While this represents a major departure from our core business of producing"The Finest Weapons Bananas Can Buy", we feel that these new products can enhance our core customer's needs by providing energy, alertness, and improved morale.
Please, try the free samples of these products at your local Apolytonian Sundries Market (a newly formed subsidiary or Apolytonian Weapons Works, The Finest Weapons Bananas Can Buy)
We are also holding a contest for this new subsidiary's motto. The winner and honorable mentions will recieve a years supply of all our products. The winner will also receive a night on the town with our three spokesmodels.
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11-08-2002 19:37
maybe some bribery is inorder 
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